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An Introduction to Dr. Martha Lee

This post first appeared on the Good Vibrations Magazine.

This is my first entry as the newest blogger for Good Vibrations Magazine.

As the only Asia-born, -bred and -based sexologist (Singapore to be precise) for this magazine, I plan to comment on sexuality news in Asia, or all matters related to sexuality through my eyes. In so doing, I hope to offer a different and perhaps interesting perspective to readers.

To give you a little bit of background, I am not just of Singaporean nationality; I am Chinese by race; I am a daughter, sister and auntie. I am engaged to be remarried this December. I am a vegetarian by choice. I volunteer for causes I believe in, namely, women’s rights, sexual education and AIDS awareness in Singapore. Foremost, I am a woman, a feminist and proud to be all of the above.

Like most good little Asian girls, I did not grow up dreaming of becoming a sexologist. I wanted to be an actress. I dabbled in it as a teenager only to give it up, because I couldn’t envision myself being a successful one. (That, and the distaste of being told what to do, wear and how to look onstage.)

I was told I had a gift with words. I studied mass communication, went into public relations, and did so with some success for eight years. My divorce shook me out of my comfort zone. I became disillusioned with love, life, sex and money and the pursuits of same. I asked myself what I would do if I was not afraid: I started a non-profit helping young people in the area of career guidance. I was so busy doing the whole gamut for two years, from fund raising, volunteer recruitment, management, and document control to programs development, that I never really stopped to ask myself why I was not happy.

I called it quits and finally answered the question: what would I really do if I was not afraid?

I realized that I could have but did not work directly with the same young people I was trying to help. Deep down, I was afraid of being judged. I was scared of being thought arrogant enough to think I could be of help. Was I smart enough? What if being good wasn’t enough? Yet if I was not afraid, that is what I would be doing: working directly with the people I want to help. Managing a non-profit gave me satisfaction but not joy.

By that point, I had already been volunteer counseling for three years. I also had two degrees, one in communications and another in public policy, by then. What could consolidate all of my education, work experience, volunteer work, and interests? I saw a gap existing, where there were no real or positive conversations about sexuality in Singapore, not to mention a dire lack of support when it comes to sexual issues.

I researched and decided to pursue my Doctorate in Human Sexuality with the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality in San Francisco, California. I now have my own practice: Eros Coaching.

I do not think sex is the end all and be all. I do not think that sex is the most important thing in a person’s life. I do not think sex is the most important thing in a relationship. It can be for some people at some times in some relationships. I do think sex is one of the most important things that we can and should be talking about, because it can affect a person’s sense of self as well as well-being. Sex is more than just a physical act; it involves the body, mind, heart and spirit. Sex holds great possibilities for self growth and ecstasy.

I did not dream of being a sexologist. Yet sexology is everything I could dream of doing. I am honored to be a channel of compassion, hope, and positivity.

If you have any comments please feel free to leave them here. Thank you for reading.

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