Hello, please call me Volk, I am 23 years old, I come from Arabic and Russian heritage, I have been born a Muslim and living in a Muslim country.
After I finished the military school I was in, I went into college, I was 18 years old, I have never been with a woman before, nor did I ever kiss one…
I’ve spent my first 3 years attending university, playing video games 8 – 10 hours a day, it was basically world of war craft at that time, and I always envied guys who were successful with women, when I talked with women I had butterflies go into my stomach, and I become nervous, with no idea what to tell her or how to talk to her…
In those 3 years I had a girlfriend for 4 months, and she was the one who asked me to be her boyfriend, it was terrible, we did not even kiss in those 4 months, I was just too afraid to do any move, and we broke up because we lacked communication, there was no fun in the relationship, it was stale.
Then when I was 21, I decided that it’s enough, I have literally became sick of not being able to satisfy that area of my life, I started reading books on dating, books on how to be successful with women, have signed up for Gym, made friends with people who are generally good with girls.
1 year later, I was 22, in that year I tried everything with girls, I have started to be more talkative with girls in my university, and in my social circle, it was only scary the first time I tried things, I just had to force myself, I had nothing to lose.
In that year, I have been rejected by girls many times, girls seeing me as just a friend, or worse – seeing me as plain creepy or unattractive.
Then with some time, I have become more relaxed about it, I learned that I should be more open to sex, it was that secret eternal language that is ongoing between a male and a female, I did not notice it before, I was embarrassed by it… I thought it was Taboo, and something that girls would call me a creep for… or even society. I started to notice that society has always told us things that steer us away from our natural needs (Sex), and intimacy with the opposite sex, I acknowledged that my religious upbringing played a main role in convincing my subconscious that sex is NOT ok… So with time I began to see the puzzle, I started going out more, talking more with girls, hearing stories of friends who have sex on regular basis, I opened my eyes to the real world, I started gradually to steer away from the belief that sex is something bad with time and became more confident of myself sexually because after all, it’s the reason why there are females and males in the community, and not just some asexual race.
It was Summer 2010, when I was sitting with my buddies in my university, I was already comfortable talking with women, I knew a cute looking girl who I knew since probably a year, that day I just sat with her, chatted up with her for an hour and I suggested her to go get drinks in a bar with friends on the weekend. It was on. The weekend came, and I went to the bar, she came with her friend, we sat and talked for 2 hours, I was happy, I was in the moment, I was over the stage of being inside my head, thinking of bad things, thinking of being rejected, etc… I was just enjoying the present, it was a fun night, I flirted, I had strong eye contact, I was being totally myself, and not my old self, but more of a confident self who is a man, and a man who’s comfortable with his sexuality, on the way out she dropped me home (I live with my parents), right before I went out, I told her I need a kiss, and pointed to my cheek, she kissed me a good bye, and I went home.
2 days later, I invited her over to my house to drink some wine before we go out to that bar again, my parents were out that day, so we sat, drank some wine, talked for a bit… then 30 minutes later I knew that we should go out now, so I thought in my head “If I don’t do this now, I am never going to do it, and end up a virgin all my life” so I just kept looking at her eyes, and told her: You look like you want to kiss me. She smiled, that smile was the first key of my success, so I just went ahead and kissed her, we made out for 10 minutes, it was official, and that was my first kiss of my life… we had no time, so we went out to the bar, when we arrived, it was different… I felt confident as a man, I had that surge of sexuality in me, it was natural and oh it was so satisfying, the night went on, she had to go early so we called it a night.
1 week later I invited her over again for a drink before we hang out, she came to my house (parents were away again in the morning), I hugged her when she went in, we sat, drank and had fun… then the thoughts came into my head again “If I don’t do anything now, I am going to always fail in my life” so I just went in and out of the blue started kissing her, I kissed her neck rubbed all her back, it was great… then I lift her up and put her on the coach, we made out, I started undressing her, she only had her pants on, and she did not let me take them off for probably 5 times, then I asked her why? She said you don’t have a condom… it was horrible news, but I thought in my head, that’s better than nothing, so we just made out, I had my fingers down there for 30 minutes, then I took her hand and led her for a hand job, but to my surprise, I had a problem… I was not “Hard” enough, I was in my head, I made a big deal out of it, and I was worried… 1 hour later we just ended it, I could not orgasm but she did, we dressed up and went out for the night, it was normal.
The next day I saw her I thought of her like a girlfriend, because I still made a big deal out of sex in my head, so I treated her as such, within a few days she started avoiding me, and unlike my old self, I knew this was not leading anywhere, sex was not actually a big deal, but I made it like a big deal… so I lost that girl, and until this day we just greet each other normally.
Then winter 2010 came, I was with my buddies again in University, and I saw this girl, and since I became social with time, I just talked to her normally, she was sitting with a group of my friends… this time it was different, I felt like I was talking this secret language that I did not know before, I knew that girls enjoy sex as much as I do, so I talked with this girl for a week in university, we talked on skype, and later on phone… in that time I broke my foot at the gym, I had two crutches to walk with to the university, but that did not really stop me, I still talked with that girl, and found out that she really loved wine, 3 weeks later of knowing her, I told her I’d like to drink some wine, want to join me? She was more than happy to come, so she came over to my house (Again it was empty), sat next to me and we started drinking, this time I knew where I can go wrong and where I can be right, so while sitting I kept looking at her eyes, and lips, it was that secret language again… I offered her a hand massage, she told me you’re too soft on massage, let me show you instead, so she started massaging my hands and arms, it was on! I then learned to not by inside my head with time, and just enjoyed the present, the present of being turned on by a female and enjoy every small detail in her, so I took things slowly, I smelled her hair, she did not say a word, I kept smelling her for minutes, then leaning back for a drink, it was like a dance, I did not feel time anymore, I no longer cared if I was a virgin or not… I just played that natural dance everyone plays… I slowly leaned in at her, we made out for a long time, I enjoyed every detail of her body, I undressed her, she was shy, but she enjoyed it because I was not worried, I took it slow… then I told her to go to the bedroom she agreed, after some kissing and foreplay, I had my condom with me (this time I remember!) I put it on, it was all good, I was fully erected… until she asked me this: do you want sex? I replied with a 100% sure “YEAH”, but it all hit me again… I went back inside my head again, thinking about how I am not going to be a virgin now, I disconnected from being turned on and enjoying the moment.
I was making a really huge deal out of being a virgin in that moment, so I just turned her around for a “Doggy style” and as soon as I had my penis inside her vagina, I started losing erection, it was horrible again, I was worried if I would satisfy her or not, I was worried about how good this is and how I am going to lose my virginity… so she noticed later, and asked if she’s not attractive enough for me; she was incredibly hot in my eyes, but I was just way too much into my head and making a big deal out of this whole thing, so we stopped right there, and she had to go home because my parents were coming.
Two days later, and after spending probably 20 hours reading books about this new developed problem that I have, I have later figured out that it is all because I was making a big deal out of it, was too much into my head… I have invited her over again for coffee (Clever reason, I know) I hugged her, she came in, we made coffee, started drinking, then I just enjoyed the moment, I enjoyed being turned on by her, and enjoyed every feminine detail of her, I smelled her hair, I enjoyed making out with her (By the way, it took me 1 month to figure out how to become a good kisser, I was horrible at it), I undressed her, I no longer was in my head, I just enjoyed being turned on by a real woman, it was great, until the time came to start having sex, I had those small thoughts pinging in my head again, small worries of having that same experience I had before, so I was honest, and told her that I am virgin, and when a guy gets nervous he is not able to get a full erection, I said it without making it a big deal, I was totally calm and indifferent, she was more than happy to help me out, I relaxed on my back, she did her job greatly by turning me on, I went into the moment again, I got turned on and no longer thought of anything else other than the exact present I am in, because I put all my cards out straight, I told her what was worrying me, so I had probably the strongest erection I had in my life, I put my condom on, we had sex, for an hour, the first time I had an orgasm it took me probably 3 minutes, then I just told her “To be continued” without making it a big deal, the second lasted probably half an hour, I enjoyed every moment of it, as she did, that was the night I really lost my virginity, from that day and until the present I am no longer worried about sex, and I have been enjoying it until this day, as any real man would.
What I learned is that being a virgin is not a big deal, if you made it a big deal it will become a big deal, be honest about it, especially with your first partner – but make sure that you don’t say it the first time you meet the girl, say it when you’re intimate, to rid yourself of bad thoughts and being too much into your head.
Sex is the natural language between a male and a female, it’s that invisible energy that is always there between a man and a woman, it never goes away, unless you never notice it, enjoy it, it’s beautiful,.
This journey had changed me as a man, I had it difficult, but I did not give up, I hope this helps others as it helped me.
“Looks are never worth anything, it’s all about how you can project your real natural self towards others.”