3 Common Ways People React to Difficult Conversations

Posted On: May 1, 2016

This week, I want to share a new video I made while in Bali.

Growing up, I was often told to sit down, and shut up – afterall, children are meant to seen, not heard. Familiar?

Even as a grown up, I often worry about whether what I wanted to say was going to bear negative consequences. For years, I struggled with speaking up out of fear of hurting others or being hurt myself.

It really wasn’t until I was training to be a sexologist that I realised just how important the concept of authentic consent when it comes to sex – and by extension, authentic communication. This means being able to speak our truth, including our yes and no, without fear of negative repercussions.

With this lack of communication skills (ironic that my first degree was actually a Bachelor of Arts -Communications), I recognised that it is about conscious practice so what is unfamiliar and uncomfortable becomes more natural and effortless. I now teach them in private sessions and workshops.

In this video, I want to share 3 common reactions people have to difficult conversations – not just sex. Which of the three are you? What of the three is the default mode of your partner? Is there something I should have mentioned but is not there?

Also, let me know whether you agree or disagree. I’d love to hear from you.

Hire Martha to get better at speaking your truth and handling difficult conversations here.

About Dr. Martha Tara Lee

Surrounded by friends who were sexually inhibited and struck by dire lack of positive conversations around sex and sexuality in Singapore, Dr. Martha Tara Lee decided to take it upon herself to right this societal injustice in 2007. She set out to make a positive difference in embarking on her doctorate in human sexuality, then launching Eros Coaching in 2009. Today, she remains dedicated to working with individuals and couples who wish to lead self-actualised and pleasure-filled lives.

She also holds certificates in counselling, coaching and sex therapy, and is currently pursuing her fourth degree – a Masters in Counselling. In practice for more than seven years, she is the only certified sexuality educator by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) in Singapore.

Often cited in the local media, Dr. Lee is the appointed sex expert for Men’s Health Singapore, and Men’s Health Malaysia. She was recognised as one of ‘Top 50 Inspiring Women Under 40′ by Her World in July 2010, and one of ‘Top 100 Inspiring Women’ by CozyCot in March 2011. She is the host of weekly radio show Eros Evolution on the OMTimes Radio Network. She has published two books: Love, Sex and Everything In-Between, and Orgasmic Yoga.

Martha works with individuals and couples in private coaching sessions, and conducts her own workshops. She takes prides in making sure all her workshops are also fun, educational, and sex-positive. This comes easily to her because even though she is extremely dedicated and serious about her work, she fundamentally believes that sex is meant to be fun, wonderful, amazing and sacred. As such, this serious light-heartedness has shone through again and again. For her full profile, click here. Email her here.

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