This article appeared originally in The Huffington Post.
Just when you pat yourself on the back for being “in the know” with relationship terms like “ghosting”, “phubbing”, “breezing” and “gaslighting”, there are more terms that has emerged!
Do you know these nine terms?
1. Breadcrumbing – A breadcrumber will send countless messages on dating apps, but will never meet in person. This trail of tiny morsels of bread (flirtatious messages) are merely serves to whet their match’s appetite and creating a hunger for more.
2. Benching – It’s the stage of a relationship where a date keeps you sweet(ish) by making contact just as you’re about to give up before suddenly ignoring you – repeating the cycle over and over again.
3. Cushioning – It is the practice of stringing along a few people so you have somebody to fall back in case you get dumped while being in a relationship. Call it buying yourself a little insurance.
4. Foodie call – It happens when your date is not necessarily interested in you per say, but rather in eating that night. Dinner does not lead to sex – but ends with the meal.
5. Gatsbying – This occurs when you post on social media like Snapchat or Instagram hoping to get the attention of your crush. In your heart of hearts, your carefully curated post is intended for that person.
6. Haunting – This is when someone you’ve ended things with decides to reassert themselves by following or liking your social media posts. Like ghosts, they appear out of nowhere — often they don’t even follow you officially. Seeing that notification pop up on your phone gives you a fright — or, worse, brings up all the bad feelings you’ve tried to leave behind.
7. Kittenfishing – It refers to when you present yourself on a dating app in an unrealistically positive way.
8. Love bombing – A seductive tactic where a manipulative person tries to control another individual with “bombs” from day one. The romance is rushed leaveing little room for the victim to assess if they are being manipulated. The victim become co-dependent on the predator, who is often a narcissist or sociopath. As soon as victims show a small hint of not caring or prioritizing their partner, the predator will often reveal their true colors.
9. Stashing – This happens when you’re in a new relationship and everything seems great, except for one thing – you’ve never met any of your new love’s friends or family.
As I type this, I wonder if there are any other relationship terms I don’t know of? Give us a shout out here!
About Dr. Martha Tara Lee
Surrounded by friends who were sexually inhibited and struck by dire lack of positive conversations around sex and sexuality in Singapore, Dr. Martha Tara Lee decided to take it upon herself to right this societal injustice in 2007. She set out to make a positive difference in embarking on her doctorate in human sexuality, then launching Eros Coaching in 2009. Today, she remains dedicated to working with individuals and couples who wish to lead self-actualised and pleasure-filled lives.
She also holds certificates in counselling, coaching and sex therapy, and is currently pursuing her fourth degree – a Masters in Counselling. In practice for more than seven years, she is the only certified sexuality educator by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) in Singapore.
Often cited in the local media, Dr. Lee is the appointed sex expert for Men’s Health Singapore, and Men’s Health Malaysia. She was recognised as one of ‘Top 50 Inspiring Women Under 40′ by Her World in July 2010, and one of ‘Top 100 Inspiring Women’ by CozyCot in March 2011. She is the host of weekly radio show Eros Evolution on the OMTimes Radio Network. She has published two books: Love, Sex and Everything In-Between, and Orgasmic Yoga.
Martha works with individuals and couples in private coaching sessions, and conducts her own workshops. She takes prides in making sure all her workshops are also fun, educational, and sex-positive. This comes easily to her because even though she is extremely dedicated and serious about her work, she fundamentally believes that sex is meant to be fun, wonderful, amazing and sacred. As such, this serious light-heartedness has shone through again and again. For her full profile, click here. Email her here.