Is Marital Happiness an Inside Job?

Posted On: October 14, 2017

Characteristic #8: A Radical Marriage has partners who prioritize each other’s happiness.

With the release of the new book by Relationship Coaching Institute, Radical Marriage, an interesting question was received from a reader who poignantly—and rightly—pointed out that “happiness is an inside job,” and wondered how that reconciles with being committed to her partner’s happiness.

First, we must understand that this query is what we call an either/or question, and in our new paradigm, marriage is not an either/or proposition; it’s both/and.

Taking responsibility for your happiness is what you do for yourself; commitment to your partner’s happiness is what you do in the relationship.

In Chapter One of Radical Marriage fourteen characteristics of a Radical Marriage were identified. Characteristic #8 is A Radical Marriage has partners who prioritize each other’s happiness and Characteristic #9 is A Radical Marriage has partners who take responsibility for their own needs and happiness.

These principles work alongside each other quite nicely, don’t you think so?

Relationship Happiness is More Than an Inside Job

While it’s true that “happiness is an inside job,” it is important to note that you must allow your partner to have his or her own reality—even when different from your own—and allow them space to create a unique sense of fulfillment. In that respect you must realize “it’s not about you.”

At the same time, we believe that taking your couple relationship beyond happily ever after is life’s greatest adventure. This means you cannot be happy just from within. You must take responsibility for your own happiness while remaining simultaneously 100% committed to your partner’s. Accomplish that, and you will be well on your way to a Radical Marriage.

2015 Relationship Coaching Institute, LLC, , adapted with permission.

I am a certified relationship coach with Relationship Coaching Institute. Find out how I can support you and your partner in strengthening your relationship here.

Hire Dr. Martha Tara Lee

Surrounded by friends who were sexually inhibited and struck by dire lack of positive conversations around sex and sexuality in Singapore, Dr. Martha Tara Lee set out to make a positive difference in embarking on her doctorate in human sexuality before launching Eros Coaching in 2009. Today, she remains dedicated to working with individuals and couples who wish to lead self-actualised and pleasure-filled lives.

She also holds certificates in counselling, coaching and sex therapy, and has most recently completed her fourth degree – a Masters in Counselling. In practice for more than seven years, she is the only certified sexuality educator by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) in Singapore.

Often cited in the local media, Dr. Lee is the appointed sex expert for Men’s Health Singapore, and Men’s Health Malaysia. She was recognised as one of ‘Top 50 Inspiring Women Under 40′ by Her World in July 2010, and one of ‘Top 100 Inspiring Women’ by CozyCot in March 2011. She is the host of weekly radio show Eros Evolution on the OMTimes Radio Network.  She has published three books: Love, Sex and Everything In-BetweenOrgasmic Yoga and From Princess to Queen.

Martha works with individuals and couples in private coaching sessions, and conducts her own workshops. She takes prides in making sure all her workshops are also fun, educational, and sex-positive. This comes easily to her because even though she is extremely dedicated and serious about her work, she fundamentally believes that sex is meant to be fun, wonderful, amazing and sacred. As such, this serious light-heartedness has shone through again and again. For her full profile, click here. Email her here.



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