These are three books that I have come across as recommended resources for male sexual abuse survivors. I hope the will be useful for those who require support.
1. Victims No Longer: The Classic Guide for Men Recovering from Sexual Child Abuse by Mike Lew
For millions of men on the path to recovery, Victims No Longer is the next step.
The first book written specifically for men, Victims No Longer examines the changing cultural attitudes toward male survivors of incest and other sexual trauma. Now, in this Second Edition, this invaluable resource continues to offer compassionate and practical advice, supported by personal anecdotes and statements of male survivors. Victims No Longer helps survivors to:
Identify and validate their childhood experiences
Explore strategies of survival and healing
Work through issues such as trust, intimacy, and sexual confusion
Establish a support network for continued personal recovery
Make choices that aren’t determined by abuse
Psychotherapist Mike Lew has worked with thousands of men and women in their healing from the effects of childhood sexual abuse, rape, physical violence, emotional abuse, and neglect. The development of strategies for recovery from incest and other abuse, particularly for men, has been a major focus of his work as a counselor and group leader.
Thoroughly updated and revised, and including an expanded Resources section, Victims No Longer educates survivors and professionals about the recovery process — speaking to the pain, needs, fears, and hopes of the adult male survivor.
“Victims No Longer will remain for years to come the original resource manual for adult male survivors.” – Hank Estrada, P.L.E.A, the National Organization for Male Survivors
“Passionate and compassionate, both speaking out on behalf of male victims and illuminating a number of pathways toward healing.” – David Fineklhor, Director, Crimes Against Children Research Center, University of New Hampshire
2. Joining Forces: Empowering Male Survivors to Thrive by Howard Fradkin
Joining Forces:Empowering Male Survivors to Thrive is an inspirational new book written to empower male survivors of sexual victimization to develop skills they can use to overcome the effects of trauma and learn to thrive in their lives. Male survivors often struggle to feel any sense of hope for the future, so this book is designed to inspire survivors and their allies with easily learned skills developed over the course of the author’s 30-year career, and the real-life experiences of male survivors who have learned to thrive. Each chapter invites survivors to dare to dream that they can take another step in their healing process through leaving their isolation behind, challenging their dysfunctional beliefs and replacing them with healthier functional messages, practicing healing exercises, reading about the struggles and successes of men just like themselves, and learning how to build hope through the use of affirmations.
This book is unique in that it is based on the experiences of over 750 male survivors who have participated in MaleSurvivor Weekends of Recovery. The tools taught during those weekends, plus many more developed through the clinical experiences of the author, are presented so that each survivor reading the book has an opportunity to use the skills as he faces the challenges of his recovery. Survivors and their allies learn they are not alone in their struggles. Including the writings of male survivors and their partners will help to end their isolation and help them know others have walked in their path, become stronger, and found a sense of freedom. They will read about how these men and their allies have learned to make healthier choices that have enhanced their relationships, their emotional functioning, their job performance, and their lives.
“Joining Forces is a shout-out for those who identify as survivors, for men who wonder about what was done to them and have had no name for it, and for all who love and support them. Dr. Fradkin provides in his writing what he does so beautifully in his life and work: He creates a healing space for men to understand their experience and to remember who they really were from the beginning. Joining Forces not only illuminates one’s particular perceptions of what it means to be a male survivor of sexual abuse, but also provides story after inspiring story of men and their partners: their personal struggles, their inevitable challenges, and their incredible triumphs. It is a powerful template for reclaiming what is most essential to any survivor—being a strong, sensitive man who is capable of connecting with himself and others. In so doing, Joining Forces will challenge those who read it to take the risk to live more honestly, with greater freedom, integrity, and joy. It is a tremendous gift and an invaluable resource to all of us.”
— Mikele Rauch, LMFT, author of Healing the Soul after Religious Abuse: The Dark Heaven of Recovery
“The title of Howard Fradkin’s book, Joining Forces: Empowering Male Survivors to Thrive, captures the essence of the healing process for males with a history of trauma: breaking isolation and silence, establishing connection with others, working through shame and developing personal empowerment, and resolving the past in the interest of the future. The use of survivor testimonials is highly effective. The writings of the Silence Breakers are both moving and explanatory; they articulate the struggle but also the gains made in the process of healing. Although this book was written specifically for male survivors to identify their particular issues and needs, female survivors will benefit from it as well. I highly recommend this book for all adult survivors.”
— Christine A. Courtois, Ph.D., ABPP, psychologist in private practice, Courtois & Associates, PC, Washington, D.C.; author of Healing the Incest Wound: Adult Survivors in Therapy (revised edition) and Recollections of Sexual Abuse: Treatment Principles and Guidelines; and co-editor (with Julian Ford) of Treating Complex Traumatic Stress Disorder: An Evidence-Based Guide
3. Coming Home to Passion: Restoring Loving Sexuality in Couples with Histories of Childhood Trauma and Neglect (Sex, Love, and Psychology) by Ruth Cohn
This book offers a detailed road map for overcoming sexual and relationship impasses originating from painful childhood experiences.
Provides a manual of ten sequential, structured activities that can guide readers in their concrete work on relationships and sexuality
Illustrates dynamics painfully familiar to readers with numerous stories of real-life case examples
A bibliography recommends additional reading as well as references and other resource
“A powerful must-read based on years of research, clinical experience, and riches of the heart, this is a comprehensive work you’ll refer to again and again. Coming Home to Passion gives you compassion and competence to manage the most difficult of life’s challenges.” – Pat Love, Ed.D., author of The Truth About Love, 11/1/2010
“I highly recommend this as an insightful and incisive book that describes trauma and its consequences in new and original ways.” – Bessel van der Kolk MD, Medical Director, Trauma Center at JRI, Brookline, MA, 11/1/2010
Website:
www.malesurvivor.org. The anonymity of the board enables many men to open up about their traumas. It’s run by a good team and many wonderful MHP’s are involved in it.
About Dr. Martha Tara Lee
Surrounded by friends who were sexually inhibited and struck by dire lack of positive conversations around sex and sexuality in Singapore, Dr. Martha Tara Lee set out to make a positive difference in embarking on her doctorate in human sexuality before launching Eros Coaching in 2009. Today, she remains dedicated to working with individuals and couples who wish to lead self-actualised and pleasure-filled lives.
She also holds certificates in counselling, coaching and sex therapy, and her fourth degree – a Masters in Counselling in May 2018. In practice for more than nine years, she is the only certified sexuality educator and certified sexuality educator supervisor by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) in Singapore.
Often cited in the local media, Dr. Lee is the appointed sex expert for Men’s Health Singapore, and Men’s Health Malaysia. She was recognised as one of ‘Top 50 Inspiring Women Under 40′ by Her World in July 2010, and one of ‘Top 100 Inspiring Women’ by CozyCot in March 2011. She is the host of weekly radio show Eros Evolution on the OMTimes Radio Network. She has published three books: Love, Sex and Everything In-Between, Orgasmic Yoga and From Princess to Queen.
Martha works with individuals and couples in private coaching sessions, and conducts her own workshops. She takes prides in making sure all her workshops are also fun, educational, and sex-positive. This comes easily to her because even though she is extremely dedicated and serious about her work, she fundamentally believes that sex is meant to be fun, wonderful, amazing and sacred. As such, this serious light-heartedness has shone through again and again. For her full profile, click here. Email her here.
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