This is an extract of Chapter Nine of From Princess to Queen: Heartbreaks, Heartgasms, and Everything In-Between – the third book of Relationship Counselor and Clinical Sexologist Dr. Martha Tara Lee of Eros Coaching published in 2017.
As a sex, relationship, and life coach with my own practice for seven years, I like to share that I have found the following to be the main reasons why I (personally) am not more successful:
- Going narrow: I was most passionate about helping people with their sexuality issues. While I established myself as the subject matter expert in Singapore, I found myself being pigeon holed as not being as good in helping people in other areas which in turn, limited my income not to mention professional growth.
- Focusing on what I liked doing: In focusing on what I seemed naturally good at (empathy when working with clients and coaching skills), I was neglecting the other skills I needed to be successful in running a business e.g. sales/ networking. I now realized that after some time my limitations will hold me back. Our limitations will generally also be the things we don’t like to do (and so we don’t try to get better at them).
- Not having a business mentor: I am required through my training to have supervision; however, the sessions focused primarily on coaching skills. I wish I had the hindsight to get a business coach earlier.
- Not having a community: Being a helping professional can be tiring as we give so much to others. Being an introvert and constantly feeling overwhelmed caused me to withdraw socially in my desire to recover and rest. This furthered my sense of alienation and lack of support. There are many ways to have community, and it could have been in a way I was comfortable with – rather than not having one at all.
- Not understand Shadow Work: It wasn’t until I did my Art of Feminine Presence teacher training that I was introduced to Shadow Work. And through it, I finally understood the inner resistance that we have i.e. the Upper Limit. Learning about and doing Shadow Work has helped me work through my resistances faster than anything else. Video http://bit.ly/2w9Umzn.
- Daily routine: It wasn’t until I tried exercising first thing in the morning every day that I realized the importance of self-care, self-love, and having the morning routine. Putting ourselves first, taking care of ourselves, giving up to ourselves or, filling our own tank will allow us to have the energy to give to others. You may wish to read this piece I wrote from years ago on this: The Undoing of Depression with Discipline http://bit.ly/2f4Olyb.
- Desire versus Doing: There are many things I can and want to do (as you do probably). However, it is important to sit with your desires and focus on the others that are important to you. They have a magnetic quality to me, and will be all the sweeter when you work towards fulfilling them. I should have sat more, listened more to my inner voice, and would have saved energy focusing on what mattered to me. This video explains more http://bit.ly/2eMPXje.
Surrounded by friends who were sexually inhibited and struck by dire lack of positive conversations around sex and sexuality in Singapore, Dr. Martha Tara Lee set out to make a positive difference in embarking on her doctorate in human sexuality before launching Eros Coaching in 2009. Today, she remains dedicated to working with individuals and couples who wish to lead self-actualised and pleasure-filled lives.
She also holds certificates in counselling, coaching and sex therapy, and completed her fourth degree – a Masters in Counselling in 2017. In practice for eight years, she is the only certified sexuality educator by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) in Singapore.
Often cited in the local media, Dr. Lee is the appointed sex expert for Men’s Health Singapore, and Men’s Health Malaysia. She was recognised as one of ‘Top 50 Inspiring Women Under 40′ by Her World in July 2010, and one of ‘Top 100 Inspiring Women’ by CozyCot in March 2011. She is the host of weekly radio show Eros Evolution on the OMTimes Radio Network. She has published three books: Love, Sex and Everything In-Between, Orgasmic Yoga and From Princess to Queen.
Martha works with individuals and couples in private coaching sessions, and conducts her own workshops. She takes prides in making sure all her workshops are also fun, educational, and sex-positive. This comes easily to her because even though she is extremely dedicated and serious about her work, she fundamentally believes that sex is meant to be fun, wonderful, amazing and sacred. As such, this serious light-heartedness has shone through again and again. For her full profile, click here. Email her here.