8 Books to Learn about BDSM

Posted On: May 19, 2019

BDSM is an acronym which stands for BD, DS, and SM (Bondage & Discipline, Dominance & Submission). It involves a variety of often erotic practices or roleplaying that could include sensation plan, and/ or power play.

BDSM is not abuse when there is consent, and there are safe ways to practice without getting hurt psychologically or physically. Since 50 Shades, a lot of people are curious about BDSM and these are some books I am recommending as a way to get more educated about it – so you practice only in ways that are safe, sane, and consensual.

1. The New Topping Book by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy 

Nearly a decade ago, this book began teaching tens of thousands of people the joyous art of BDSM topping. Since then, the growing popularity of BDSM, and the blossoming of the internet as a source of information and connection, has created a whole new universe of possibilities for players.

Two decades ago, this book (and its companion volume, The New Bottoming Book) began teaching tens of thousands of people the joyous arts of BDSM topping and bottoming – not just “how-to,” but “why-to”… the insider details of emotional support and ethical interaction during kinky play. Since then, the growing popularity of BDSM, and the blossoming of the Internet as a source of information and connection, have created a whole new universe of possibilities for players. Now, the completely updated revised New Topping Book gives even more insights and ideas, updated for a new millennium, about how to be a successful, popular player! “Easton and Hardy tackle the Top… and bring that elusive critter down neatly and with a certain flair. This is good stuff, important stuff… an excellent guide to topping, both for the rank novice and for the player who just wants words to put to all the thoughts and feelings that have resisted categorization.” – Laura Antoniou, Sandmutopian Guardian

2. The New Bottoming Book by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy 

Nearly a decade ago, this book and its companion volume, The New Topping Book, began teaching tens of thousands of people the joyous arts of BDSM topping and bottoming – not just technique, but emotional support and ethical interaction. Since then, the growing popularity of BDSM and the blossoming of the Internet as a source of information and connection have created a whole new universe of possibilities. Now, the completely revised NEW BOTTOMING BOOK offers even more insights and ideas, updated for a new millennium, about how to really play.

Three decades ago, this book and its companion volume “The New Topping Book” began teaching tens of thousands of people the joyous arts of BDSM topping and bottoming – not just “how-to,” but “why-to”… the insider details of emotional support and ethical interaction during kinky play. Since then, the growing popularity of BDSM, and the blossoming of the Internet as a source of information and connection, have created a whole new universe of possibilities for players. Now, the completely updated revised New Bottoming Book and New Topping Book give even more insights and ideas, updated for a new millennium, about how to be a successful, popular player! What the experts are saying “The only way I can think of to learn more about bottming than Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy teach you in [The New Bottoming Book] is to go out and bottom for yourself.” – William A. Henkin, Ph.D., co-author, Consensual Sadomasochism

3.The (New and Improved) Loving Dominant by John Warren and Libby Warren

Previous editions of The Loving Dominant taught more than 40,000 people the fundamentals of safe, affectionate dominance and submisison. Now John and Libby Warren, two of the scene’s most respected educators, have updated this seminal work for a new generation of pratitioners. Includes an all-new chapter on partner-finding, plus new information on electricity play, ethical play with multiple partners, watersports, kinky digital photography, and more!

John and Libby Warren are long term participants in the dominance/submission scene. Here, they offer clear advice on how to conduct oneself in sadomasochistic relationships.

 

 

 

4. Urban Tantra, Second Edition: Sacred Sex for the Twenty-First Century by Barbara Carrellas and Annie Sprinkle

If you think sexual and spiritual bliss can’t be found in today’s fast-paced world, you haven’t experienced Urban Tantra. Celebrating the 10th anniversary of Urban Tantra, acclaimed sex educator Barbara Carrellas radically updates the ancient practice of Tantra for modern sexual explorers desiring to discover new frontiers. With a juicy mix of erotic how-to and heart-centered spiritual wisdom, this updated edition includes a brand-new introduction, up-to-date references and resources, a new take on the possibilities and responsibilities of Tantra in today’s world, plus new and cutting-edge information to reach an expanded community—added information on multi-partner play, more intersections for Tantra and BDSM, practices for asexuals and aromantics, expanded practices for trans and gender nonconforming people, and more.

With more than one hundred easy-to-follow techniques for expanded orgasmic states and solo and partner play (as well as more adventurous practices), this in-depth guide reveals the delicious worlds of ecstasy available to all, no matter one’s gender, sexual preference, or erotic tastes. Urban Tantra expands the notions of pleasure and opens new heights of intimacy and sexual fulfillment.

5. Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns: The Romance and Sexual Sorcery of Sadomasochism by Philip Miller and Molly Devon 

The classic guide to sadomasochism by two experienced players. This unabashed, entertaining book strips away myth, shame and fear, revealing the truth about an intense form of eroticism too long misunderstood and condemned. It is fully indexed and includes over 225 photos and illustrations, a 250-plus word glossary, appendices with over 650 contacts for SM related clubs, stores, craftspeople and literature.

Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns will tell you all about sadomasochism. We made it light-hearted and fun to read because SM is fun to do. That’s why we do it. But fun is only SM’s overture; for those who grasp its message, SM is sexual magic. The right blend of trust, fantasy, and sensuality creates an intensely erotic and deeply intimate stew. We take away our lovers’ freedom and lead them to profound liberty. We peer into the dark together, transforming it to light. In these pages you will find clear explanations for the curious, and solid advice, safety measures and steamy suggestions for the adventurous. Allow us to guide you through the captivating realms of sensuality, dreamed of by millions, realized by few, and understood by fewer still.

6. Playing Well With Others: Your Field Guide to Discovering, Navigating and Exploring the Kink, Leather and BDSM Communities by Lee Harrington

Whether you’re a trembling novice or a jaded expert, there’s always something new to be discovered in the endlessly changing, complex and titillating world of kink. While there are plenty of other books out there that explain how to give a spanking or tie a half-hitch, Playing Well With Others is the first book that explains kink *culture* — the munches, parties, leather bars, conferences, workshops, fetish nights, exploratoriums and all the other gatherings of kinksters that turn BDSM and leather from a bedroom predilection to a lifestyle and a community. You’ll learn to: • Examine your own motivations, needs, wants and desires • Ease your way into established communities • Understand etiquette in different adventurous sex communities • Familiarize yourself with the many types of events available to you • Care for your relationships as you explore new territory • Negotiate for play and aftercare • Go back to the “world at large” without ruffling feathers • …and, of course, answer the all-important question: What do you wear?! The team of Harrington and Williams offers 30-plus years of experience in diverse kink communities: top, bottom and switch; gay, bi and straight; female, male and trans; white and POC. Both former titleholders and international educators, they are an unbeatable pair of “sexual sherpas” with an inimitable voice and a great deal of wisdom. Playing Well With Others is an unprecedented and essential guidebook for anyone who wants to explore or understand the “community” aspect of the kink lifestyle.

7. BDSM Mastery—Relationships a guide for creating mindful relationships for Dominants and Submissives by Robert J. Rubel PhD and M. Jen Fairfield

This is a book about relationships. Adventuresome relationships. Relationships that are not exactly like vanilla relationships. BDSM relationships differ in two specific ways from your typical vanilla relationship: first, they usually involve a power-imbalanced structure (one person is clearly in charge and the other person is clearly following); second, the kind of sex that adventuresome folks practice is, well, not vanilla.

I wrote this book to help you better to understand the power dynamics that get involved with what are called power-imbalanced relationships (usually referred to as Dominant/submissive or D/s relationships).

 

 

 

 

8. The Mistress Manual: The Good Girl’s Guide to Female Dominance by Mistress Lorelei Powers, Elizabeth Hart and Tantor Audio

In 1994, The Mistress Manual was born as a simple pink guidebook self-published by an experienced dominant woman. She moved on to other efforts, and the book fell out of print – much to the disappointment of thousands of eager submissive men and dominant women. Now, the classic is available once more, in an updated new edition – perfect listening for the woman or man who has completed our Sexually Dominant Woman workbook and is looking for more information.

 

 

About Dr. Martha Tara Lee

Surrounded by friends who were sexually inhibited and struck by dire lack of positive conversations around sex and sexuality in Singapore, Dr. Martha Tara Lee set out to make a positive difference in embarking on her doctorate in human sexuality before launching Eros Coaching in 2009. Today, she remains dedicated to working with individuals and couples who wish to lead self-actualised and pleasure-filled lives.

She also holds certificates in counselling, coaching and sex therapy, and her fourth degree – a Masters in Counselling in May 2018. In practice for more than nine years, she is the only certified sexuality educator and certified sexuality educator supervisor by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) in Singapore.

Often cited in the local media, Dr. Lee is the appointed sex expert for Men’s Health Singapore, and Men’s Health Malaysia. She was recognised as one of ‘Top 50 Inspiring Women Under 40′ by Her World in July 2010, and one of ‘Top 100 Inspiring Women’ by CozyCot in March 2011.  She has published four books: Love, Sex and Everything In-BetweenOrgasmic Yoga, From Princess to Queen and {Un}Inhibited.

Martha works with individuals and couples in private coaching sessions, and conducts her own workshops. She takes prides in making sure all her workshops are also fun, educational, and sex-positive. This comes easily to her because even though she is extremely dedicated and serious about her work, she fundamentally believes that sex is meant to be fun, wonderful, amazing and sacred. As such, this serious light-heartedness has shone through again and again. For her full profile, click here. Email her here.

 

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