1) What is a Clinical Sexologist?
The field of sexology draws upon many disciplines, such as sociology, psychology, anthropology, medicine, and the arts to understand human sexuality. For example, a sexologist will have knowledge of how sexual behavior and attitudes differ from one culture to the next. They will have also studied how hormones affect sexuality and the various physiological mechanisms involved in sexual arousal. A clinical sexologist is someone who applies their knowledge of sexology through counseling and education.
2) Why should I see a Clinical Sexologist and not a regular therapist?
Think of a clinical sexologist as a specialist. When you have sexual questions or concerns you want to consult someone who has the greatest knowledge of your particular concern.
It is unfortunate that I see people without any coaching training calling themselves coaches, counselors without sexuality training claiming they help clients with sex problems, and sex therapists who do not have even a basic degree in psychology (apparently even a diploma in psychology or membership in a psychological society suffice!). I really like to emphasize caution and for prospective clients to ask about not just the credentials, but also experience and ethics of their intended helping professional because the possible damage can be devastating – retraumatization for one.
3) What is the difference between a Sexologist and a Sex Therapist?
A sexologist is usually somebody who has a masters or doctorate in human sexuality (I have a doctorate in human sexuality and masters in counseling), whilst a sex therapist is usually a psychologist with a minor in sex therapy. Whilst it is just a title, the approach in helping clients will be different. In my experience, sex therapists view all sex problems as stemming from the mind (psychological block/ barrier) and usually linked to a client’s childhood e.g. bad experiences and trauma. The belief is that by unraveling and resolving all experiences from the past, only then one can move on. As you can imagine, this is a tedious, expensive, and time-intensive process. Sexologists, however, see human sexuality as a multi-disciplinary approach. Whilst acknowledging the role our past plays in our present, sexologists look at the challenges clients present as multi-factorial – essential body, mind, heart, the resiliency of the human spirit, and support clients to get to where they want to go with progressive steps. I’ve had several people who have gone to counsellors and even sex therapists who said they found one session with me more useful than the one year they have had with their therapists.
4) What are some objectives clients hope to achieve?
Each client has his or her own unique circumstances and experiences. Possible objectives might include:
- Accepting varying definitions of sex and sexuality
- Augmenting dating and social skills
- Communicating better (with and without words)
- Confronting sexual trauma
- Defining monogamy and setting rules within a relationship
- Embracing your sexual orientation
- Enhancing sexual satisfaction
- Enjoying sex toys (or going on a field trip with me to buy sex toys)
- Eroticizing safer sex
- Fueling sexual desire
- Increasing sexual stamina
- Learning about sex (anatomy, physiology, health, etc)
- Loving your body
- Negotiating diplomatically (in and out of bed)
- Overcoming erectile and ejaculatory concerns
- Practicing BDSM, kink and fetish(es) with safety and pleasure
- Raising children who are sex-positive and grounded
- Releasing sexual inhibitions
- Sharing a life together while living apart
- Stating and achieving sufficient sexual needs
- Touching with love and intimacy
- Triumphing over internal and societal homophobia, biphobia, transphobia, shame, and stigma
5) What is the most common sexual problem people come to you for?
The most common issue couples come to me for involve Vaginismus, unconsummated marriage or low sexual frequency due to the discrepancy in sexual desire of one partner. I also often coached men who have premature ejaculation, erectile difficulties or delayed ejaculation.
6) What happens during a session?
Your first session is a great opportunity for you to decide if I am the right person for you. Ask as many questions as you like. When you are satisfied with what you hear/ see/ feel you will be asked to make choices about further sessions.
During our session, you would first talk about the primary concerns and issues in your current sex life. Between sessions, I may give you home assignments. It will also help you think about and process what we discussed. The amount of change you see in your sexual life is directly related to the amount of effort you put in.
7) Should I attend sessions by myself or with my partner?
I will always encourage couples to come in together, but if your partner is not supportive or if you suspect the issue is your partner, then it is best to come in by yourself. You can watch this video I made here.
8) I am very nervous about scheduling a session. Is it common for people to seek your services?
It is perfectly common to feel embarrassed about talking about sex especially since it is regarded as a sensitive and highly personal one. Hence, I have worked with many individuals and couples over the years, and many express regret at suffering in silence, not seeking out professional support and guidance sooner. My office may be located at a convenient location but it is discreetly placed at the same time. To add to the discretion my clients seek, I do not have a signage.
9) How many sessions will I need?
I recommend that clients need to commit to a number of sessions so as to see any progress and growth in their development. I recognise that this is an investment that may require further information. Hence, just let me know me if you have any questions by contacting me here.
10) What are the differences between Counseling and Coaching?
There are large overlaps between what Coaching and Counseling offers you, however, the broad differences are:
- more focused on the Past and Present
- more oriented on feelings
- and who you are ‘being’ as a person.
- more focused on the Present and the Future
- more oriented on projects or goals or skills
- and what you are ‘doing’ as a person.
I’ve had both counseling and coaching training, and can use both or one of the approach depending on the client’s needs.
11) Is sex counseling and coaching confidential?
I do not disclose information without your written permission. However, there are number of exceptions to this rule:
- If a client is threatening serious bodily harm to another person/s. I must notify the police and inform the intended victim. This is bodily harm outside of a consensual BDSM scene.
- If a client intends to harm himself or herself. I will make every effort to enlist your cooperation for your own good. If you do not cooperate, I may take further measures – without your permission, to ensure your safety.
- Suspected child abuse or dependant adult or elder abuse. The law requires me to report this to the appropriate authorities.
12) Can you elaborate on your Skype sessions?
Sessions are traditionally done face to face. Occasionally, depending on your circumstances, it may suit you better to have a phone session or two. Phone sessions are also available at times when it is not practical to do face to face sessions. There is no additional charge if both parties are using Skype. If I need to call a land line, it will be charged at cost.
13) Is there touch or nudity?
There is never any touch or nudity during any of the sessions. It is entirely possible to learn a lot about sex and sexuality through the use of educational videos, sexual aids, as well as diagrams. I abide by the code of conduct and ethnics set by AASECT of which I am a certified sexuality educator and certified sexuality educator with.