Wheel of Consent

Section 3: The Wheel of Consent and the Four Quadrants

1. The Wheel of Consent

Sometimes called the 4 Quadrants, or the Wheel of Desire. Giving, Receiving, Taking and Allowing – what they are, how the fit together and what they have to teach us about ourselves.

2. Wheel: The Receiving-Giving Dynamic

In the Wheel of Consent you are either Giving a gift or Receiving one. This is about the dynamic between the Giving Half of the Wheel and the Receiving Half of the wheel.

3. Wheel: The Receiving half

In the Wheel of Consent, you are either Giving a gift or Receiving one. This is about the Receiving half of the Wheel. The 2 Quadrants in the Receiving half are Taking and Receiving (Accepting). In Taking, you receive the gift of access to your partner, in Receiving (Accepting), you receive the gift of their action.

4. Wheel: The Giving Half

In the Wheel of Consent, you are either Giving a gift or Receiving one. This is about the Giving half of the Wheel. The 2 Quadrants in the Giving half are Giving (Serving) and Allowing. In Allowing, you give the gift of access to your partner, in Serving, you give the gift of your action.

5. Wheel: The Doing Half

In the Wheel of Consent, you’re either touching or being touched (doing or being done to). This is about the Doing half of the Wheel. The 2 quadrants in this half are Giving and Taking.

6. Wheel: The Done-to Half

In the Wheel of Consent, you’re either touching or being touched (doing or being done to). This is about the Done-to half of the Wheel. The 2 quadrants in this half are Receiving (Accepting) and Allowing.

7. Wheel: The Taking Quadrant

The Taking Quadrant is the intersection of Doing and Receiving a gift. It is consistently the most challenging to learn, the most misunderstood, most often missing – and the most liberating. The Taking Quadrant usually unlocks the rest of the Quadrants as well. It is the Taking Quadrant that develops confidence and the quality of relaxed presence in your touch.

8. A few thoughts on the Taking Quadrant

With Betty Martin and Harry Faddis, May 2015 at Easton Mountain Retreat Center NY. Part of a longer conversation, these clips focus on the Taking Quadrant.

9. Wheel: The Allowing Quadrant

Allowing is the intersection of being Done-to and Giving a gift. The gift is access to you. The key is taking responsibility for having a limit to what you can give, and when that happens, you relax and become generous.

10. Wheel: The Giving (Serving) Quadrant

Giving, or Serving, is the intersection of Doing and Giving a gift. The gift is your action. The trap is ‘giving’ so that you get a response (the response you hope to see). When you are clear about who it is really for (them, not you), your Giving becomes clear and satisfying to both of you.

11. Wheel: The Receiving (Accepting) Quadrant

The Accepting quadrant is the intersection of being done-to and receiving a gift – it’s for you. This is what most people think of as ‘Receiving’. What this quadrant is about, the confusion about it, where it can take you, what happens when it’s difficult, what happens when it’s easy, and the spiritual principle in it.

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