1) What is a Clinical Sexologist?
The field of sexology draws upon many disciplines, such as sociology, psychology, anthropology, medicine, and the arts to understand human sexuality. For example, a sexologist will have knowledge of how sexual behavior and attitudes differ from one culture to the next. They will also studied how hormones affect sexuality and the various physiological mechanisms involved in sexual arousal. A clinical sexologist is someone who applies knowledge of sexology through counseling and education. They can provide support to individuals and couples who are struggling with issues related to their sexual health, such as low libido, sexual dysfunction, or difficulty communicating about sex. Clinical sexologists may also provide education on topics such as contraception, sexually-transmitted infections, and sexual pleasure.
2) Why should I see a Clinical Sexologist and not a regular therapist?
Think of a clinical sexologist as a specialist. When you have sexual questions or concerns you want to consult someone who has the greatest knowledge of your particular concern. A clinical sexologist is a professional who has a degree in psychology, sexology, or a related field and has specialized training in the field of human sexuality. They are trained to understand and address the full range of sexual issues, including but not limited to: gender identity, sexual orientation, sexual dysfunction, sexual trauma, sexual addiction, and more. They are also trained to provide comprehensive therapy that addresses the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual aspects of sexuality.
It is unfortunate that I see people without any coaching training calling themselves coaches, counselors without sexuality training claiming they help clients with sex problems, and sex therapists who do not have even a basic degree in psychology (apparently even a diploma in psychology or membership in a psychological society suffice!). I really like to emphasize caution and for prospective clients to ask about not just the credentials, but also experience and ethics of their intended helping professional because the possible damage can be devastating – retraumatization for one. More here.
3) What is the difference between a Sexologist and a Sex Therapist?
A sexologist is usually somebody who has a masters or doctorate in human sexuality (I have a doctorate in human sexuality and masters in counseling), whilst a sex therapist is usually a psychologist with a minor in sex therapy. Whilst it is just a title, the approach in helping clients will be different. In my experience, sex therapists view all sex problems as stemming from the mind (psychological block/ barrier) and usually linked to a client’s childhood e.g. bad experiences and trauma. The belief is that by unraveling and resolving all experiences from the past, only then one can move on. As you can imagine, this is a tedious, expensive, and time-intensive process. Sexologists, however, see human sexuality as a multi-disciplinary approach. Whilst acknowledging the role our past plays in our present, sexologists look at the challenges clients present as multi-factorial – essential body, mind, heart, the resiliency of the human spirit, and support clients to get to where they want to go with progressive steps. I’ve had several people who have gone to counsellors and even sex therapists who said they found one session with me more useful than the one year they have had with their therapists. Read more about sex therapy here.
4) What are some objectives clients hope to achieve?
Each client has his or her own unique circumstances and experiences. Possible objectives might include:
- Accepting varying definitions of sex and sexuality
- Augmenting dating and social skills
- Communicating better (with and without words)
- Confronting sexual trauma
- Defining monogamy and setting rules within a relationship
- Embracing your sexual orientation
- Enhancing sexual satisfaction
- Enjoying sex toys (or going on a field trip with me to buy sex toys)
- Eroticizing safer sex
- Fueling sexual desire
- Increasing sexual stamina
- Learning about sex (anatomy, physiology, health, etc)
- Loving your body
- Negotiating diplomatically (in and out of bed)
- Overcoming erectile and ejaculatory concerns
- Practicing BDSM, kink and fetish(es) with safety and pleasure
- Raising children who are sex-positive and grounded
- Releasing sexual inhibitions
- Sharing a life together while living apart
- Stating and achieving sufficient sexual needs
- Touching with love and intimacy
- Triumphing over internal and societal homophobia, biphobia, transphobia, shame, and stigma
5) What is the most common sexual problem people come to you for?
The most common issue couples come to me for involve Vaginismus, unconsummated marriage or low sexual frequency due to the discrepancy in sexual desire of one partner. I also often coached men who have premature ejaculation, erectile difficulties or delayed ejaculation. More here.
6) What happens during a session?
Your first session is a great opportunity for you to decide if I am the right person for you. Feel free to ask as many questions as you need. When you have gained a satisfactory understanding of who I am and the services I provide, you will be asked to make decisions regarding further sessions. Once the session has begun, we will discuss the primary issues and worries in your current sexual life. To further aid in your progress, I may assign tasks to complete between sessions. This will assist in your understanding and application of our conversations. The progress you make in your sexual life is proportional to the effort you put in.
7) Should I attend sessions by myself or with my partner?
I will always encourage couples to come in together, but if your partner is not supportive or if you suspect the issue is your partner, then it is best to come in by yourself. If you do decide to come in with your partner, it is important to discuss beforehand what you would like to get out of the sessions and how you would like to work together. You can watch this video I made here.
8) I am very nervous about scheduling a session. Is it common for people to seek your services?
It is perfectly common to feel embarrassed about talking about sex especially since it is regarded as a sensitive and highly personal one. Hence, I have worked with many individuals and couples over the years, and many express regret at suffering in silence, not seeking out professional support and guidance sooner. My office may be located at a convenient location but it is discreetly placed at the same time. You can be rest assured that your privacy and confidentiality is of utmost importance to me.
9) How many sessions will I need?
10) Do you offer a trial session?
I’m sorry, but I don’t offer trial sessions. However, I’m confident that my services will meet your needs, and provide you with the results you are looking for. Please feel free to contact me with any questions you may have.
11) What are the differences between Sex Counseling, Sex Coaching and Sex Therapy?
- Sex counseling involves exploring past experiences, emotions, and beliefs related to sexuality to address and resolve sexual concerns. It focuses on understanding and healing underlying factors that may contribute to sexual difficulties. Therapy techniques such as talk therapy, cognitive-behavioral therapy, and trauma-informed approaches may be used.
- Sex therapy is a form of sex counseling that specifically addresses psychological or emotional factors impacting sexual well-being. It aims to help individuals or couples overcome sexual challenges by addressing underlying issues and providing therapeutic interventions.
- Sex coaching is more goal-oriented and focuses on developing strategies, skills, and techniques to enhance sexual satisfaction and improve sexual functioning. It provides practical tools, exercises, and guidance to help individuals or couples achieve their desired sexual outcomes.
- All of them can be integrated based on individual needs, with some individuals benefiting from a combination of approaches.
12) Are sessions confidential?
I do not disclose information without your written permission. However, there are number of exceptions to this rule:
- If a client is threatening serious bodily harm to another person/s. I must notify the police and inform the intended victim. This is bodily harm outside of a consensual BDSM scene.
- If a client intends to harm himself or herself. I will make every effort to enlist your cooperation for your own good. If you do not cooperate, I may take further measures – without your permission, to ensure your safety.
- Suspected child abuse or dependent adult or elder abuse. The law requires me to report this to the appropriate authorities.
13) Can you elaborate on your virtual sessions?
Most clients prefer to have sessions face to face. Occasionally, depending on your circumstances, it may suit you better to have a virtual or phone session. There is no additional charge for this.
14) Is there touch or nudity?
There is never any touch or nudity during any of the sessions. It is entirely possible to learn a lot about sex and sexuality through the use of educational videos, sexual aids, as well as diagrams. I abide by the code of conduct and ethics set by AASECT of which I am a certified sexuality educator and certified sexuality educator supervisor.
Let me know if you have any other questions or concerns here. If you’re ready, you can proceed to book a session here.