Book Review: Sex for Grown-Ups

Posted On: October 4, 2013

1064192_640080859354071_173061919_oThis is the book I wish I could have written! Dr. Gloria Brame graduated from the same school as I did – Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality. She holds a Ph.D in Human Sexuality and has however years more experience and accolades than I do.

In SEX FOR GROWN-UPS, Dr. Gloria Brame explained sex in three rules – the three rules you really need to know about sex. They are: 1) Sex is as complicated as the adults having it; 2) Diversity is normal; 3) Every adult can have good sex. The book is, in turn, separated into these three segments, with case studies to bring colours to relevant points she was making. These case studies are composites of at least two to four different patients with similar issues, and names are fictitious to further protect their privacy.

Brame begun her book when a great introduction about how instead of us understanding that sex is as complicated and magical as sex, and that sexual intimacy enhances our quality of life, it has been portrayed as dirty, obscene and even contamination of human behaviour. She goes on to talk about her work, her view of sex and sexuality. Indeed, her wit, compassion and most importantly, sex-positive attitude and approach shines through in every word.

Well-recognised for her work on BDSM (Bondage & Discipline / Domination & Submission / Sadism & Masochism) and fetish sex in the United States, Brame explained that she started on this trilogy (this being part two) for both adults and their kids to gain familiarity with their own bodies, and to develop good sexual health habits through education. I noticed getting a tad nervous when I got to section two as Brame begun to get into complicated variations in sexual and gender identity including BDSM, and wondered how on earth I was going to review her book for the straight-laced Singaporeans, but I was once again impressed. Riding on the onset and popularity of 50 Shade of Grey, which coincidentially is also a trilogy, more people are curious about sexual diversity and it may well be the modern-day book that explains it all for them.

Without divulging too much more about the Brame’s book (go read it yourself!), I like to highlight some note-worth points she made in section two.

1)    Sex and gender differences are NOT diseases or biological “flaws”. They are normal manifestations of human sexological diversity.

2)    Accepting one’s core sexuality identity is key to personal happiness.

She not only provides five hallmarks of a sexual identity crisis, but also shares the five key areas she assesses when helping people resolve relationship conflicts, and proceeds to elaborate on each of them. These conflicts are: 1) Relationship type; 2) Sex Acts; 3) Sexual Self-Identity; 4) Sexual Personality; 5) Sexual Function.

In Section Three, Brame gets precise with her foreplay and touching advice for all genders. You might like to know straight up her two commonsense rules most parents do not teach us about sex: 1) Cleanliness; 2) Politeness!

All in all, I love this book and was impressed with how Brame was able to cover so much ground with such precision, and insight. I hope you will enjoy this book as much as I did.

About the Author

Gloria G. Brame, Ph.D. in Human Sexuality, is an author, blogger, sex historian, board-certified sexologist, and sex therapist in private practice. Brame is the world’s leading authority on fetishes and BDSM, and is a much-quoted expert on mainstream sexual issues, including performance disorders and orgasmic function. In addition to The Truth About Sex, Volume I: Sex and the Self and Volume II: Sex for Grown-Ups, she is the author of perennial bestsellers Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission and Come Hither: A Commonsense Guide toKinky Sex. A full professor of Human Sexuality at the Institute for Advanced Studyof Human Sexuality, Brame also sits on the board of the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Alliance. Most recently, Brame was named among the “10 Best Sex and Dating Experts,” by Google Gloria Brame or follow @DrGloriaBrame on Twitter.

Who is Martha?

Dr. Martha Tara Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching. She is a certified sexologist with a Doctorate in Human Sexuality. She provides sexuality and relationship coaching for individuals and couples, conducts sexual education workshops and speaks at public events. She is the author of the books Love, Sex and Everything In-Between, and Orgasmic Yoga. She is also the host of the weekly radio show Eros Evolution on OMTimes Radio. For more, visit or email

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