Premise of Prolonged Sex Date
I first had the idea to go on a prolonged sex date with myself from my tantra supervisor Laurie Handlers. Robyn Vogel and I had interviewed her as part of the tele-summit we were co-hosting called Make Love Week (The tele-summit is over, but you can purchase the entire series with transcripts and bonuses here).
The premise of this is to give to ourselves before we give to others; and to love ourselves in a way that we need to love ourselves before we can truly love another. And since there are so many layers of self-awareness and self-discovery that can be obtained through sex, sex is definitely a path of greater enlightenment, empowerment and wholeness – so why not a prolonged sex date with oneself?
I had already booked to go to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia to catch up with friends and see clients previously on May 24 to 26. It would be the perfect time to devote a day for my prolonged sex date with myself. I prepared and brought all the things I wanted to use for my sex date, and this is how it went.
Arrival at the Hotel
May 24 – Upon arrival, I had a three-hour lunch with a friend. After lunch, I did some window-shopping and came upon a pretty pink heart-shaped mobile. I decided to buy it as a keepsake to remind myself of this self-declared sex-date.
It wasn’t until I returned to my hotel room around 7p.m. that I realised I didn’t have a bath tub. A friend suggested I book another sex date… I don’t want to put aside the time or money, and I am actually grateful that I am not going to have guilt around hurting the environment!
I next did my 30-minute Orgasmic Yoga practice for the day, and decided that my prolonged sex-date would start officially the next day. After OY, I showered, moisturized and anointed myself with a blend of essential oil which included rose. After some TV, I went to bed to massage my whole body and manually stimulated my genitals – more so for the orgasmic energy to move to my heart. I visualised the energy bringing my fragments of my broken heart together – several memories come to mind. I’ve never done this visualisation and wondered where it came from, but it felt right.
Official Prolonged Sex Date Day
PREPARATION – I woke up naturally at 7a.m. I had a huge breakfast at the hotel, and felt nudged by higher forces above to start. I had a bowel movement, and another shower (even though I had one last night). While still naked, I did the following. Like last night, I marked out the corners of the room and invited my divine guides in to support me (while last night, I did it in my mind’s eye; this time, I did it by going around the room physically and added Reiki symbols. I am a Reiki master. For more about Reiki, click here).
I felt led to turn on all the lights of the hotel room (when usually I won’t), put on music and did aura-soma cleansing by the window behind the day curtains (I felt I needed to be in the sun). Afterwards, I danced around the room (more like awkwardly limping as I have a swollen right foot for the last two weeks) welcoming and showing my guides to my space. I danced infront of the full-length mirror at intervals. I next moisturised and anointed my body with oil like last night. This time, I also used Sensation by Young Living. I felt that doing so was anchoring and provided additional protection.
RELEASING – For the next part, I felt led to put on my long white skirt over my breasts rather than over hips (I’ve started doing this for the past few weeks whenever I felt I needed some healing, and also since I have no other white clothes). I had come prepared to do this ritual of releasing the energy of past sexual partners. I set up to my releasing sitting on the carpet on the coffee table (which is infront of the TV). I did the reflection questions per person, then burning of the names of each of my past sexual partners.
- Why was I attracted to this person?
- Why was this person attracted to me?
- What emotions did I walk away with?
- What emotions did they walk away with?
- What did I learn?
I would look at the smoke then visualise the smoke also leaving my 2nd chakra – effectively clearing the aura and energies of past partners. I decided to include to the list unrequited loves/ crushes whom I fantasized sexuality about when younger.
I quickly realised it was hard making sure the whole piece of paper burned through. I would start with burning with the orange burner, transfer the burning paper onto a porcelain saucer, only for it to burn out, then used the long lighter to finish the paper off. I teared smaller and smaller pieces of paper for the names. It felt releasing to see the entire paper burned to ashes. I burned my fingers several times as a result, and it took much longer than I thought (about 3 hours). I could feel a lot of energy emitting from my 2nd chakra. I felt emotionally drained even after a few names (4 – 5) and persisted as I wasn’t going to set this all up again. After finishing the ritual, I flushed the ashes down the toilet, washed the rest off the wash basin, and used hot water to remove stubborn bits for good measure.
COMING TO MY BODY – I had placed my vibrator over my clit throughout the above ritual (even though it wasn’t in the instructions) to activate my sexual energy and the battery more or less died by now. I had a replacement battery, and placed the vibrator over my heart chakra for a good 1/2 hour. My body undulated many times as the energy moved up my body and out my crown. I thanked my guides. I massaged my whole body with my hands – twice, taking my time and rushing nothing. I used my vibrator to also massage my body, then the bones of my whole body (including rig cage, jaw, skull and teeth). I visualised love spreading through my body like liquid several times. I told myself repeated loving messages. I could feel myself strengthening and expanding energetically several times – and maintaining it.
ADD ORGASM – I next regulated the energy with my breath, pelvic floor squeezes; did transmutation breaths; and sent the energy towards a few intentions: better relationship with money, self, and to attracting romantic love. I did the same after doing vulva stimulation with the vibrator, and penetrating vaginally. I had several orgasms including full-body orgasms but I wasn’t counting. I was more interested to use this erotic energy for healing and for good. I know my work is building up as I focus on myself. I choose to trust I can get them all done, and continue to devote this time to me.
I had a break at 3p.m. as I typed this all up. I had already been going at this sex date for at least five hours (10a.m. – 3p.m.). The sky opened up and I was happy to be indoors to the sound of thunder and big rain. I felt cleansed and complete. I had a banana and been drinking lots of warm tea with drops of Eros flower essence by Findhorn Foundation since yesterday. I feel light and great love for myself.
I knew I could stop but I decided to continue but go gentler with myself. I decided to lay in bed watching TV, and focus on the intention of love to keep spreading through my body from hand to toe (through the application of my vibrator on my clit). Essentially I infused love (thoughts/ messages) into my body repeatedly till 1a.m. or so. I also applied intermittedly the essential oil blend Balance which include orange, lavender and rose through my whole body. My vibrator went dead at around 6p.m. (Need to stock up on batteries on my next prolonged sex date!).
I had an epiphany: this sensation is comparable to the feelings of being in love which I am so familiar with. I enjoy feeling or being in love – and was sad for many years (not now) whenever I had no relationship or romantic love in my life. Being a Libra, I’m a romantic and was in love with the idea of being in love growing up. I would find a romantic interest even if unrequited, so that I could fantasize about love and in so doing, feel alive. This subtle sensation of love is well and alive as I send love to myself instead of to somebody/ somewhere else. Why not send it to myself from now on? I compare it to the subtle differences one feels when they masturbate mindfully vs to porn. Love is love, but the quality of it is just different.
I had pee-breaks in-between, ate the remaining two fruits I took from the breakfast table, and slept at 1a.m. or so. I checked out the next day but not before doing my 30-Day Orgasmic Yoga practice for the day. If you are interested in following the rest of my Orgasmic Yoga journey, click here (Be sure to read the group rules and respect everybody who shares their experiences there).
I wish I
- Had known about the healing power of going on a prolonged sex date earlier. It’s a beautiful practice.
- Had thought longer and prepared better for this sex date – missing bath-tub being something I left out completely.
- Fully appreciated the importance of not just loving myself, but in sending love to myself first than to others. Where does that energy go? I need and deserve some of it too!
- Knew how powerful the use of fire in a ritual was. “Don’t play with fire” is another fear that I need to release.
- Recognised how the fantasy of being in love, the desire of being in relationship, the longing to feel complete actually makes me feel bad and depletes my energy. I need to first be whole to attract a whole person.
- Had bought flowers; had a bath tub; had room-service. The hotel is one-month old and had no food menu for room-service!
I commit to
- Going on more prolonged sex dates with myself. I can see myself doing it again, and in fact, I would like to do one at least twice a year – if not, once a month!
- Booking myself into bigger, better, nicer hotels because I feel inspired and orgasmic in beautiful spaces.
- Giving myself more luxurious experiences which makes me feel alive and happy.
- Doing a similar fire ritual – this time with my relationship with money.
- Continuing to infuse my body with love and loving messages.
- Sharing with more people about my prolonged sex date and to encourage more people to go on one (P.S. If you can think of a nice name for this next campaign, please let me know!)
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Dr. Martha Tara Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching. She is a certified sexologist with a Doctorate in Human Sexuality. She provides sexuality and relationship coaching for individuals and couples, conducts sexual education workshops and speaks at public events. She is the author of the books Love, Sex and Everything In-Between, and Orgasmic Yoga. She is also the host of the weekly radio show Eros Evolution on OMTimes Radio. For more, visit www.ErosCoaching.com or email firstname.lastname@example.org.