Schedule + Guard Your Joy Time

Posted On: October 4, 2019

What gives you joy? What makes you happy? What causes you to feel ecstatic (or as this Sexologist likes to ask… orgasmic)?

For me, these are some of the things. When…

  • The wind blows against my face/ hair
  • I dangle my feet from a swing/ basket chair (like in this pic)
  • I drink tea/ do people watching/ journal/ watch the world go by
  • I notice how every muscle of my body works together (when I move my body/ dance)
  • My friends gather around me (and my friends makes more of my other friends!)
  • The faces of hope in my clients (and they shift from hopeless to hopefulness within the time we’ve had)
  • A workshop/ events goes exactly as I had planned and the participants love it!

Happiness, Joy, Ecstasy and Orgasmic sensations and feelings are so important. They feel good. They remind us of why it is wonderful to be alive… and to keep going. And when we feel amazing, we are at a better place to support, infuse, influence those around us positively.

Our moments of happiness might be fleeting moments. Sometimes they can re-created. Sometimes they are simple daily routines, or periodic rituals we partake of. Indeed, when something feel so good, why won’t we want to do more of it and consistently?

As life gets busy, we forget to do the things that gives us pleasure and aliveness. We might ignore our inner voices because we might have bought into the lie that we don’t have time – don’t have time to feel or worse, shouldn’t feel. Because if we stopped to feel, we might be washed by waves of overwhelm and so overcome with emotions that we are unable to pick ourselves up. We might be neglecting our inner child, ignoring our inner calling, and performing the ultimate betrayal to our own soul.

We need to block out time for ourselves so we can come out and play (even if it is once a month). We need to guard this time and not make any apologies of needing time to ourselves. It is possible to laugh/ cry/ dance/ love/ be happy even when we are alone and we feel lonely. We get to choose how we feel. It’s not about ignoring how we feel, but acknowledging how we feel moment by moment, and choosing what feels better instead. It’s a choice.

In this picture, I’ve just finished attending a coffee making event (an Airbnb Experiennce) at Starbucks Dewata in Bali, Indonesia on Sept 8. During this trip, I found myself with more time to myself than scheduled. Rather than sitting in my hotel room, feeling sorry for myself, and sleeping most of my time away, I chose to invest into myself by treating me to not one but three different Airbnb experiences (We always have a choice!).

I ended up having with the VIP treatment at this Starbucks (even though I was shy) – the biggest in Southeast Asia, and so lovingly created (Wow!)! At this Starbucks, there are four hanging basket chairs and I was eyeing them. Would people stare at me when I sat on it, or think me silly? Also there were smokers around – yikes! Just as my Grab bike was arriving, I held my breath (to not inhale the second-hand smoke), sat on one chair, and allowed myself to feel joy/ pleasure sweep through me as I took this photo.

No matter how sad/ lonely/ difficult life is… your attitude and how you choose to respond is a choice. When we make better choices… we get better outcomes. Let’s learn from experience to choose more consciously. Much love and support.

About Dr. Martha Tara Lee

Surrounded by friends who were sexually inhibited and struck by dire lack of positive conversations around sex and sexuality in Singapore, Dr. Martha Tara Lee set out to make a positive difference in embarking on her doctorate in human sexuality before launching Eros Coaching in 2009. Today, she remains dedicated to working with individuals and couples who wish to lead self-actualised and pleasure-filled lives.

She also holds certificates in counselling, coaching and sex therapy, and her fourth degree – a Masters in Counselling in May 2018. In practice for more than 10 years, she is the only certified sexuality educator and certified sexuality educator supervisor by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) in Singapore.

Often cited in the local media, Dr. Lee is the appointed sex expert for Men’s Health Singapore, and Men’s Health Malaysia. She was recognised as one of ‘Top 50 Inspiring Women Under 40′ by Her World in July 2010, and one of ‘Top 100 Inspiring Women’ by CozyCot in March 2011. She has published four books: Love, Sex and Everything In-BetweenOrgasmic YogaFrom Princess to Queen and {Un}Inhibited.

Martha works with individuals and couples in private coaching sessions, and conducts her own workshops. She takes prides in making sure all her workshops are also fun, educational, and sex-positive. This comes easily to her because even though she is extremely dedicated and serious about her work, she fundamentally believes that sex is meant to be fun, wonderful, amazing and sacred. As such, this serious light-heartedness has shone through again and again. For her full profile, click here. Email her here.

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