I Severed Ties with my First Coach. Here’s Why…

Posted On: November 1, 2019

Every teacher has a teacher. I hired my first coach at 24 when I was going through my first divorce. She, however, violated coaching ethics by calling me on the phone (while we were still undergoing coaching) crying about how worried she was about paying her flat instalment, and screaming about one of her trainees one evening. I didn’t know what to say – she knew my financial situation, did she want more money? She was my coach – I wasn’t the coach here! I didn’t know what I was supposed to do. It scared me.

Years later, she tried to recruit me into her coaching empire where in return for her master level coaching I was to hand over 50% of all future earnings. I questioned this clause in the contract only to be met with her hostile challenge: “Why do you have such scarity thinking?”

I wasn’t about to work for her – or anybody, and definitely not somebody who was threatening and disguising her own issues by manipulating another. I saw it for what it was.

I revealed that I was in fact planning to pursue my doctorate studies in human sexuality, and become a sexologist. Her reply: “Why do you have such limited thinking? Sex is just a small part of life. With life coaching, you can coach anything…”

I was shocked at the hostility and the self righteousness. I stopped listening to her because it cannot be that one training (and just happens to be her training) would cover and sufficiently address all areas of one’s life. There must be more to learn about sexuality and helping people…. I want to be the best I can be in supporting and addressing people with sexuality issues and this, I knew, was my calling.

Her word cut me deeply because I loved and respected her so much. It made me doubt myself and it didn’t weaken my resolve. I went ahead without her blessings. I severed ties with her that day – not contacting her again, and I don’t remember her contacting me again (I suppose since I wasn’t of any more use to her).

Be wary of people who have their own agendas – who keep trying to upsell when it is not aligned with what you require and feel called for. Be cautious about people who use the name of “expert”, “coach”, “teacher” only to frame things that are essentially always to their benefit.

Buyers beware. Always check their training, experience, testimonials, governing bodies, supervision, and their continuing education. No matter what – always, always, always listen to your inner voice using your discretion, and discernment.

#cannotmakethisup #whatnottodo #coach #buyersbeware

For relationship and sexuality coaching, hire me!

About Dr. Martha Tara Lee

Surrounded by friends who were sexually inhibited and struck by dire lack of positive conversations around sex and sexuality in Singapore, Dr. Martha Tara Lee set out to make a positive difference in embarking on her doctorate in human sexuality before launching Eros Coaching in 2009. Today, she remains dedicated to working with individuals and couples who wish to lead self-actualised and pleasure-filled lives.

She also holds certificates in counselling, coaching and sex therapy, and her fourth degree – a Masters in Counselling in May 2018. In practice for more than 10 years, she is the only certified sexuality educator and certified sexuality educator supervisor by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) in Singapore.

Often cited in the local media, Dr. Lee is the appointed sex expert for Men’s Health Singapore, and Men’s Health Malaysia. She was recognised as one of ‘Top 50 Inspiring Women Under 40′ by Her World in July 2010, and one of ‘Top 100 Inspiring Women’ by CozyCot in March 2011. She has published four books: Love, Sex and Everything In-BetweenOrgasmic YogaFrom Princess to Queen and {Un}Inhibited.

Martha works with individuals and couples in private coaching sessions, and conducts her own workshops. She takes prides in making sure all her workshops are also fun, educational, and sex-positive. This comes easily to her because even though she is extremely dedicated and serious about her work, she fundamentally believes that sex is meant to be fun, wonderful, amazing and sacred. As such, this serious light-heartedness has shone through again and again. For her full profile, click here. Email her here.

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