Separate Who You Are vs. What You Do

Posted On: January 5, 2020

I was sharing my observations from watching “Undercover Boss” on YouTube with a new friend yesterday:

  • Most of the bosses featured made their millions in franchise businesses.
  • Most of the “star” front-line employees were high-energy people/ extroverted/ bubbly personality.
  • Most of the “star” back-end employees tended to be introverted even if their job was still high-energy and fast-paced.

He was confused. He recounted how when he used to work in Pizza Hut, it was high-energy even at the backend. I repeated that I wasn’t talking about the pace of work for service industries, but the personalities of the staff.

To support what I was saying, I shared this story from a previous employment I was at. From this story, this new friend then got the difference.

My ex company chose to hire only women for all administrative roles, and the latest three hires were all long-haired. This manager went out of his way to lecture one particular female employee daily – interpreting her lack of bubbliness/ high-energy as her having an “attitude problem”. He would pick on her – NEVER about her actual work, but WHO she was.

It was obvious to me – because he was also not happy with me (being introverted as well). However, because she was even more introverted than I was, she took the brunt of his “arrowing”/ bullying/ abuse. It was a toxic environment – people were praised for being THE WAY he liked (which apparently was the “right way”), and punished for not pretending to be somebody they were not.

I saw the environment for what it was; him for the lousy and untrained manager that he was. Fortunately I was soon transferred to a different department and escaped his abuse/ “clutches”. Often we do have an inner knowing of what is right/ wrong from what feels good. It is up to us to do what we can to speak up; stay low if it is pointless to speak up; change employment if we need to. May all be well.

For counseling, hire me!

About Dr. Martha Tara Lee

Surrounded by friends who were sexually inhibited and struck by dire lack of positive conversations around sex and sexuality in Singapore, Dr. Martha Tara Lee set out to make a positive difference in embarking on her doctorate in human sexuality before launching Eros Coaching in 2009. Today, she remains dedicated to working with individuals and couples who wish to lead self-actualised and pleasure-filled lives.

She also holds certificates in counselling, coaching and sex therapy, and her fourth degree – a Masters in Counselling in May 2018. In practice for more than 10 years, she is the only certified sexuality educator and certified sexuality educator supervisor by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) in Singapore. She is also a Red Tent Women’s Circles Facilitator from Star of Ishtar.

Often cited in the local media, Dr. Lee is the appointed sex expert for Men’s Health Singapore, and Men’s Health Malaysia. She was recognised as one of ‘Top 50 Inspiring Women Under 40′ by Her World in July 2010, and one of ‘Top 100 Inspiring Women’ by CozyCot in March 2011. She has published four books: Love, Sex and Everything In-BetweenOrgasmic YogaFrom Princess to Queen and {Un}Inhibited.

Martha works with individuals and couples in private coaching sessions, and conducts her own workshops. She takes prides in making sure all her workshops are also fun, educational, and sex-positive. This comes easily to her because even though she is extremely dedicated and serious about her work, she fundamentally believes that sex is meant to be fun, wonderful, amazing and sacred. As such, this serious light-heartedness has shone through again and again. For her full profile, click here. Email her here.

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