Better Questions, Better Answers

Posted On: February 1, 2020

I’m learning something through my interactions with my Dad – not shaming or blaming, just stating/ sharing here.

Each time, I asked my dad: “How are you?”. He tells me what is happening in his life – facts.

I realised I am somewhat disappointed or dissatisfied with his answer. I didn’t know why. After many times of this happening, I finally realised why today.

When I asked my dad “How are you?”, I actually meant to ask “What’s new in your life? How are you feeling about it?”.

As you can see, these are two distinct questions which require a WHAT (what is happening) and then a FEELING (how are you feeling about it). Instead I lumped them together as a “How are you?”, felt dissatisfied, and to be honest, started to feel irritated.

It’s not his fault. It’s OK to go into facts (head) – but it is more meaningful for ME (might be different for you) to also go into feelings (heart based).

So I need to take responsibility… and communicate differently to get “better” answers:

“What’s new in your life?”

WAIT for answer.

“How are you feeling about it?”.

What do you think? Any thoughts about how you could apply this to your life – not just parent-child relationship?

About Dr. Martha Tara Lee

Surrounded by friends who were sexually inhibited and struck by dire lack of positive conversations around sex and sexuality in Singapore, Dr. Martha Tara Lee set out to make a positive difference in embarking on her doctorate in human sexuality before launching Eros Coaching in 2009. Today, she remains dedicated to working with individuals and couples who wish to lead self-actualised and pleasure-filled lives.

She also holds certificates in counselling, coaching and sex therapy, and her fourth degree – a Masters in Counselling in May 2018. In practice for more than 10 years, she is the only certified sexuality educator and certified sexuality educator supervisor by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) in Singapore. She is also a Red Tent Women’s Circles Facilitator from Star of Ishtar.

Often cited in the local media, Dr. Lee is the appointed sex expert for Men’s Health Singapore, and Men’s Health Malaysia. She was recognised as one of ‘Top 50 Inspiring Women Under 40′ by Her World in July 2010, and one of ‘Top 100 Inspiring Women’ by CozyCot in March 2011. She has published four books: Love, Sex and Everything In-BetweenOrgasmic YogaFrom Princess to Queen and {Un}Inhibited.

Martha works with individuals and couples in private coaching sessions, and conducts her own workshops. She takes prides in making sure all her workshops are also fun, educational, and sex-positive. This comes easily to her because even though she is extremely dedicated and serious about her work, she fundamentally believes that sex is meant to be fun, wonderful, amazing and sacred. As such, this serious light-heartedness has shone through again and again. For her full profile, click here. Email her here.

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