Do You Hate Women or Do You Just Hate Me because I am a Sexologist?

Posted On: November 13, 2022

*Trigger Warning * Disturbing content and strong languaging is used below. Please proceed with care.

Incident one

I received this email on Thurs 10 November 2002.

“Hey im Joey, you meet every requirement i need, Altho i must say I am a muslim so You would have to marry me beforehand, I want u so bad, Your pussy looks so wet”

How this person

  • thinks they meet every requirement I have
  • assumes I want to have sex with them
  • assumes I want to have sex with them
  • knows my pussy looks wet

is beyond me.

Such assumptions are beyond me. Just because I get these messages often on a daily basis does not make it right!

Such emails are obviously inappropriate, shocking, belittling of my work as a professional and acts of violence against humanity (or womxn).

Obviously don’t do this to anybody! You are better than that!

Incident two

SEPARATELY on Wed 9 Nov 2022, somebody on my Telegram channel emailed me because I ONLY publicised a proposed sex-toy store gathering there thinking my Telegram members were respectful people.

Hi Dr Martha Lee,

My pleasure, enjoy following your workshop, Youtube & webinar on sexuality, we can be friends 😘. Text or call to remind me.

Love & Regards

(Their name, and mobile was provided)

My reply:

I’m sorry. You’re mistaken. I’m bringing people to Pink Lifestyle sex toy shop this sun 12pm and you’re welcome to join. I’m not looking for new friends.

Your kiss emoji is really inappropriate. I really don’t need more shit and harassment in my life. Don’t mistake friendliness with opening my personal life and being “friends”.

We’re meeting at main entrance of isetan at 12pm but I won’t be contacting you because I don’t feel comfortable.

Reflection

When these kinds of incidents happen, they affect me. It’s easy to say ignore. Wait till it happens to you DAILY when you least expect it.

Such incidents set me back.

  • They make me question WHETHER common sense exists.
  • They make me wonder if these people THINK it actually works.
  • They make me wonder if they are NOT doing this because they “out of control” but because they want to put me in my place and downgrade me to “just a woman”. Sex is NOT just about sex – it is POWER over.
  • They cannot see beyond my FACE and how I am a professional with four DEGREES and countless other trainings trying to support people and have had THOUSANDS of clients of now.

They make me HATE BEING BORN a woman.
This disrespect makes me question why I keep putting myself and my work out there TRYING to support people in their lives and sexuality.
This is why I CANNOT put out my best work.
I am busy TRYING to tread above water, process WHAT I DID WRONG, and REGROUP so that I can come back to my centre.

Trust me!

A sexologist who happens to be a woman

  • Does NOT think of sex all the time
  • Does NOT want sex all the time
  • Is not a slut ready to have sex with ANYBODY
  • Does NOT want sex with YOU!

My Request

  • Obviously DO NOT do this to any woman you know. A woman is NOT born for you to only thinking of FUCKING. No, she is a living being JUST LIKE YOU who has hopes, dreams, desires, and aspirations. She might be shorter, have longer hair, bigger boobs, or even own bigger ass – but trust me, she is MORE than how she looks only!
  • Support me. Call out bullshit not just on my social media channels when you see hateful or mean comments. It’s exhausting for me to keep thinking whether to respond/ or block etc. The more people who speak up against bad behaviour, the more supported I feel, and the less I feel I need to do something.
  • What about others? Support EVERY WOMAN and PERSON out there that you know is being bullied, policed, objectified and sexualised (aka reduced to just an object for YOUR fucking).
  • Speak up against misogyny (which means hatred towards women), you CAN and DO make a difference! It’s NOT ok to excuse and dismiss everything as “just a joke” (microaggression). Words hurt! You get your offending friend etc to think twice about their words and actions “Why did you do that?”, “That’s not funny.”, “It’s not nice what you did/ said”.

Thank you for reading and please take this seriously. I will be back to my light-hearted humor and nonsense + focus on supporting people very soon BUT NOT TODAY.

While you’re here, you might like to watch my reaction video to a media report of “Wife-Sharing Rape and Voyeurism Case” in Singapore. We are all connected and one is hurting – the greater society is affected!

About Dr. Martha Tara Lee

Surrounded by friends who were sexually inhibited and struck by dire lack of positive conversations around sex and sexuality in Singapore, Dr. Martha Tara Lee set out to make a positive difference in embarking on her doctorate in human sexuality before launching Eros Coaching in 2009. Today, she remains dedicated to working with individuals and couples who wish to lead self-actualised and pleasure-filled lives.

She also holds certificates in counselling, coaching and sex therapy, and her fourth degree – a Masters in Counselling in May 2018. In practice since 2009, she is the only certified sexuality educator and certified sexuality educator supervisor by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) in Singapore.

Often cited in the media, Dr. Lee is the appointed Clinical Sexologist for Singapore Cancer Society. She was recognised as one of ‘Top 50 Inspiring Women Under 40′ by Her World in July 2010, and one of ‘Top 100 Inspiring Women’ by CozyCot in March 2011. She has published four books: Love, Sex and Everything In-BetweenOrgasmic YogaFrom Princess to Queen and {Un}Inhibited.

Martha works with individuals and couples in private coaching sessions, and conducts her own workshops. She takes prides in making sure all her workshops are also fun, educational, and sex-positive. This comes easily to her because even though she is extremely dedicated and serious about her work, she fundamentally believes that sex is meant to be fun, wonderful, amazing and sacred. As such, this serious light-heartedness has shone through again and again. For her full profile, click here. Email her here.

         
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