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Everything You Need to Know about Anal Sex
1. Consent
Never ever do anything to yourself or to others without their consent.
2. Lubricant
The anus is not self lubricating. You need to incorporate a water-based or better yet silicon-based lubricant.
3. Structure
The anus has an external sphincter (can control) and internal sphincter (cannot control). When an object is inserted into the anus and the internal sphincter stimulated, one might feel want-to-poo sensations but do not worry as the poo is actually at the other side of the sphincter. It’s just your body doing what body does – telling you you might want to go to the toilet.
4. Eek factor
Our anus is clean! There might be traces of feces in our anus but you can easily as use a condom, finger cot or gloves (vinyl or latex) to act as a barrier.
5. Cross Contamination
Beware of introducing fecal bacteria into the vagina. Do not penetrate the anus then vagina without changing your condom/ glove. Pro tip: You can layer a few gloves and peel them away as you go along. You may wish to stand by wet wipes as well.
6. Relax
The more you relax, the more you feel. From feeling, arousal can build up and lead to an orgasm. Some people experience little, others experience pleasure and anal orgasms. The prostate gland (also known as male G-spot) can be stimulated through the anus in a come-hither motion similar to the female G-spot (but through the vagina).
7. Progressive
People assume that lubricant is all you need for anal play when besides relaxation, progressive steps also help ease you into pleasure for instance insert with something small like a finger or butt plug, then two finger (or something the equivalent in girth), then three finger (or similar) before inserting penis or big sex toy.
8. Sexual Orientation
Anal play or anal sex does not make anybody turn gay! A sexual act or behaviour does not define your gender identity or sexual orientation. Stop propagating that myth!
9. Push Against
Instead of being penetrated, the receiver can push against the finger/ object so that the penetration is at their timing/ pace as they are the ones feeling any pain or discomfort.
10. Listen!
All the best and always listen to your body. There’s absolutely nothing wrong to say stop, enough, not today! Go slow and take care of you!
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About Dr. Martha Tara Lee
She also holds certificates in counselling, coaching and sex therapy, and her fourth degree – a Masters in Counselling in May 2018. In practice since 2009, she is the only certified sexuality educator and certified sexuality educator supervisor by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) in Singapore.
Often cited in the media, Dr. Lee is the appointed Clinical Sexologist for Singapore Cancer Society. She was recognised as one of ‘Top 50 Inspiring Women Under 40′ by Her World in July 2010, and one of ‘Top 100 Inspiring Women’ by CozyCot in March 2011. She has published four books: Love, Sex and Everything In-Between, Orgasmic Yoga, From Princess to Queen and {Un}Inhibited.
Martha works with individuals and couples in private coaching sessions, and conducts her own workshops. She takes prides in making sure all her workshops are also fun, educational, and sex-positive. This comes easily to her because even though she is extremely dedicated and serious about her work, she fundamentally believes that sex is meant to be fun, wonderful, amazing and sacred. As such, this serious light-heartedness has shone through again and again. For her full profile, click here. Email her here.
