Many of us grew up with clear and often restrictive ideas about what boys and girls should do. “Boys don’t cry,” “Girls should be pretty,” “Men work, women care for the home.” These societal expectations have shaped the way we view the world and, inevitably, the way we raise our children. But it’s time to break free from those old patterns and approach parenting with an open, flexible, and gender-neutral mindset.

It’s not about erasing gender—it’s about giving kids the space to explore who they are without being confined to society’s traditional gender roles. Gender-Neutral Parenting (GNP) empowers children to express themselves authentically, without judgment or pressure to conform to rigid norms.

What is Gender-Neutral Parenting?

Gender-Neutral Parenting means creating an environment where children are free to explore the world without being limited by gender stereotypes. It’s about allowing children to express themselves through their interests, clothing, toys, and activities, free from the expectation that “boys do this” and “girls do that.” GNP encourages kids to discover who they are on their own terms.

What GNP is Not: Debunking the Myths

1. Myth 1: GNP means erasing gender.
   What it is not: GNP isn’t about denying or ignoring gender.
   What it is: It’s about giving children the freedom to express themselves however they choose, without being confined by traditional gender expectations.
2. Myth 2: GNP bans gendered toys and clothes.
   What it is not: GNP doesn’t require you to eliminate gendered toys or clothing.
   What it is: Children are free to choose whatever they like—whether it’s a pink dress or a blue shirt—without the expectation that it must align with their gender.
3. Myth 3: GNP will confuse kids.
   What it is not: GNP doesn’t lead to confusion.
   What it is: It provides a safe space for kids to explore their identity, which builds self-awareness and confidence. It encourages open expression rather than confusion.
4. Myth 4: GNP is just for non-binary children.
   What it is not: GNP is not exclusively for children who identify as non-binary.
   What it is: It fosters an environment where all children can express themselves freely, regardless of gender identity. It’s about breaking down limitations for all children.

Why GNP?

Society has long divided tasks and behaviors into “boys’ work” and “girls’ work”—men are expected to work outside the home, while women care for the household and children. These divisions don’t serve our children, and they don’t prepare them for the realities of a world where flexibility, creativity, and open-mindedness are vital. GNP opens up a world of possibilities, where children are not constrained by roles or expectations based on their gender.

Benefits of GNP:

• Increased Confidence: Children raised in gender-neutral environments feel more comfortable being themselves.
• Less Judgment: Kids learn to appreciate diversity and embrace differences.
• Expanded Opportunities: GNP allows kids to pursue a variety of activities and chores, from repairing things to cooking, from leading to collaborating.
• Healthier Social Skills: With a broader sense of empathy and acceptance, children raised in GNP households are often more well-rounded and open-minded.

Moving Beyond Old Patterns: Breaking Gendered Roles

Growing up, many of us were told what we “should” do based on our gender. Girls helped with the laundry and took care of the house, while boys did the outdoor work and repairs. These gendered expectations didn’t leave room for much else, nor did they prepare us for the reality that men and women can—and should—share responsibilities equally.

What if we raised our children differently? Instead of assigning tasks based on gender, we could teach them that everyone—no matter their gender—can do anything. The more we allow our children to experience a wide variety of activities and responsibilities, the more prepared they will be for adulthood.

How to Practice GNP in Your Home

1. Use Gender-Neutral Language:
   Replace phrases like “boys do this” and “girls do that” with neutral statements such as, “Anyone can enjoy this” or “Everyone can help out with this task.”
2. Let Kids Choose:
   Allow your child to pick their clothing, toys, and activities based on what they enjoy, not what society expects.
3. Share Household Chores Equally:
   Divide household responsibilities evenly, regardless of gender. Both boys and girls should learn how to cook, clean, and maintain the home.
4. Encourage Open Dialogue About Gender and Identity:
   Foster a safe environment where your child feels free to explore and discuss gender and identity. Be open to their thoughts and feelings, providing guidance without judgment.
5. Be a Role Model:
   Demonstrate inclusive behaviors in your own life by sharing chores, participating in family discussions, and treating all roles with respect.

Rethink Gendered Expectations

If we want to create a future where kids are free to be their true selves, we need to stop assigning behaviors and responsibilities based on outdated gender norms. Gender-Neutral Parenting helps us foster a world where all children, regardless of gender, have the freedom to choose their path.

Need Support Navigating GNP?

Raising gender-neutral, sex-positive kids isn’t always easy, but it’s a journey worth taking. If you’re looking for support, my team and I are here to help. We can guide you through the process and assist you in creating a home environment where your children feel free to express themselves and explore their identity. If you’re ready to explore how to raise your kids in a more inclusive, gender-neutral environment, book a 15-minute consultation with us today.

Resources for Further Reading

1. Devor, H. (2004). Gender Blending: Confronting the Limits of Duality. Indiana University Press.
2. Fausto-Sterling, A. (2000). Sexing the Body: Gender Politics and the Construction of Sexuality. Basic Books.
3. Kessler, S. J., & McKenna, W. (1978). Gender: An Ethnomethodological Approach. University of Chicago Press.
4. Stewart, M. (2019). The Gendered Society Reader (4th ed.). Oxford University Press.
5. Tannen, D. (1990). You Just Don’t Understand: Women and Men in Conversation. William Morrow.

About Dr. Martha Tara Lee