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Staying Present During Sex
Staying mindful in the moment can transform your sexual experience.
Here’s a guide to help you reconnect with yourself and your partner.
1. Name It: If you’re feeling distracted or disconnected, say it out loud: “I’m feeling a bit off. Can we pause and reconnect?” Naming it can help you both become more aware of the moment.
2. Pause: Slow things down when you notice distractions. Take a deep breath, feel your body, and tune into the sensations you’re experiencing right now.
3. Mobilize: If you feel frozen or stuck, try moving. Stand up, stretch, shake, or splash cold water on your face. Getting your body moving helps restore presence and awareness.
4. Ask for Space: It’s okay to take a brief pause and ask for space to recalibrate. This gives you time to reset and return with fresh energy.
5. Gradual Process: Being present during sex isn’t always easy, especially if you’ve been disconnected from your body. Be patient with yourself—healing takes time and practice.
6. Connect: Ask for touch that feels comforting and intimate, like a hug, kiss, or gentle caress. It can bring you back into your body and strengthen your connection.
About Dr. Martha Tara Lee
Dr. Martha Tara Lee has been a passionate advocate for positive sexuality since 2007. With a Doctorate in Human Sexuality and a Master’s in Counseling, she founded Eros Coaching in 2009 to help individuals and couples lead self-actualized and pleasurable lives. Her expertise includes working with couples in unconsummated marriages, individuals with sexual inhibitions or desire discrepancies, men facing erection and ejaculation concerns, and members of the LGBTQIA+ and kink communities. She welcomes people of all sexual orientations and offers both online and in-person consultations in English and Mandarin.
Dr. Lee is the only certified sexuality educator by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) in the region since 2011, and became an AASECT-certified sexuality educator supervisor in 2018. Her fun, educational, and sex-positive approach has been featured in international media including Huffington Post, Newsweek, and South China Morning Post. She currently serves as Resident Sexologist for the Singapore Cancer Society, Of Noah.sg, OfZoey.sg, and Sincere Healthcare Group., and is the host of the podcast Eros Matters.
An accomplished author, Dr. Lee has published four books: Love, Sex and Everything In-Between (2013), Orgasmic Yoga: Masturbation, Meditation and Everything In-Between (2015), From Princess to Queen: Heartbreaks, Heartgasms and Everything In-Between (2017), and {Un}Inhihibited (2019). Her contributions have been recognized with numerous honors, including Her World’s Top 50 Inspiring Women under 40 (2010), CozyCot’s Top 100 Inspiring Women (2011), Global Woman of Influence (2024), the Most Supportive Relationship Coach (Singapore Business Awards, APAC Insider, 2025), and the Icon of Change International Award (2025).
You can read the testimonials she’s received over years here. For her full profile, click here. Email her here.
