As a Relationship Counselor and Clinical Sexologist whose work has included working with LGBTQIA+ individuals and couples for over 15 years, I found this book both moving and necessary.

It gives voice to three courageous survivors of conversion therapy in Singapore. Their stories are tender, raw, and deeply human. In a society where conversations about sexuality are still so often avoided or silenced, this book is groundbreaking. It validates the lived experiences of survivors, educates readers, and opens space for dialogue that has long been overdue.

I especially appreciated the dignity with which these stories were told. The survivors’ resilience shines through — even amidst confusion, pain, and shame, there is courage and hope. For readers who have endured similar struggles, these stories may feel like a lifeline: you are not alone. For those unfamiliar with the issue, the book is an invitation to listen with compassion.

Expanding the Narrative

While this book is powerful, three stories cannot capture the full range of experiences. Globally, movements such as Exodus International left behind decades of damage before closing in 2013 — yet their ideology spread widely, including here. In Singapore, conversion therapy has not been banned. Though condemned by the Singapore Psychological Society and cautioned against by the Ministry of Health, it continues in different forms:

1. Framed as “life coaching” that promises heterosexual marriage

2. Packaged as religious “counselling” or “deliverance”

3. Marketed as therapy to help clients “become comfortable with heterosexuality”

This raises the vital question: how many more untold stories remain hidden? Survivors exist across different ages, religions, and cultural communities — many still silent.

What I hope to see in a second edition:

1. More survivor voices — including older adults who endured conversion decades ago, and younger people navigating newer iterations

2. Faith diversity — including experiences within conservative Christian communities, traditional Muslim families, or Buddhist contexts

3. Parents’ journeys — how they move from fear or denial to acceptance

4. Queer-affirming therapists’ insights — to show pathways of healing

5. Resources for survivors and families — including LGBTQIA+-affirming counsellors, support groups, and legal advocates in Singapore

The Light of Recovery

While the book focuses on the harms, it also indirectly points toward healing. Survivors who leave conversion efforts behind and find affirming support can — and do — rebuild their confidence, restore relationships, and embrace themselves with pride.

In my own practice, I have witnessed clients move from deep shame to empowerment, from isolation to community, and from despair to joy. The journey is not easy, but it is profoundly hopeful. This book, though slim, can spark that journey for many.

You can order Fearfully & Wonderfully Made: Stories from Conversion Therapy Survivors in Singapore directly from Rainbow Lapis Press here.

— Dr. Martha Tara Lee
Relationship Counselor & Clinical Sexologist
💻 www.ErosCoaching.com

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✍️ Professional Perspective: Why Conversion Therapy is Harmful (Not Part of the Book Review)

This book’s impact extends beyond individual stories — it highlights systemic issues that require professional attention.

Conversion therapy is not therapy. It is harm.

📉 What the research shows

1. The American Psychological Association (2009) concluded there is no evidence sexual orientation can be changed through therapy, but clear evidence of harm

2. Ryan et al. (2020) found higher depression and suicidality among LGBTQIA+ young adults whose parents initiated conversion efforts

3. The Singapore Psychological Society (2021) and MOH (2020) have both denounced such practices locally

 Warning Signs of Conversion Therapy

Be cautious if a professional, religious leader, or mentor:

1. Promises to make you straight or cisgender

2. Suggests you can become “comfortable with heterosexuality”

3. Frames your identity as illness, sin, or trauma

4. Uses guilt, secrecy, or shame to pressure you

5. Prescribes opposite-sex dating, exorcisms, or aversion “treatments”

Gentle Scripts for Resistance

To a counsellor/coach

“I do not consent to any practice aimed at changing my orientation or gender. I will seek affirming support instead.”

To a parent/relative

“Attempts to change me are harmful and don’t work. What helps is your love and acceptance as I am.”

To a religious leader (if you don’t feel conflict)

“My faith and my identity are not in conflict. What I need is support to live honestly, not to be changed.”

To a religious leader (if you do feel conflict)

“I am still working through the tension between my faith and my identity. What I need is guidance that helps me find peace, not pressure to change who I am.”

Gentle Self-Reflection for Questioning Folks

Sexuality and gender identity development is complex and unfolds over time. There is no single test, no deadline, and no “right” way.

Ask yourself:

1. Who do I feel emotionally, romantically, or sexually drawn to

2. Who appears in my private daydreams or fantasies

3. What labels feel relieving or affirming when I try them on

4. How do I feel about my pronouns, name, or presentation

5. Do I feel more myself when I accept these feelings, or when I deny them

 Take your time — there’s no rush to label yourself. Questioning is valid, and identity is a journey.

Call to Action

This book is an important first step. But it cannot be the last. Survivors need affirming support, families need education, and society needs protective policies that safeguard LGBTQIA+ people from harm. Allies can support by advocating for protective policies and creating inclusive spaces.

Healing is possible, affirming support exists, and no one has to journey alone.

Book a session with me or my team here.

References

• American Psychological Association. (2009). Report of the Task Force on Appropriate Therapeutic Responses to Sexual Orientation. Washington, DC: APA. Retrieved from https://www.apa.org/pi/lgbt/resources/therapeutic-response.pdf

• Human Rights Campaign. (2013). HRC statement on the closing of Exodus International. Retrieved from https://www.hrc.org/press-releases/hrc-statement-on-the-closing-of-exodus-international

• Ministry of Health, Singapore. (2020). Government’s stance on changing one’s sexual orientation through “conversion therapy”. Retrieved from https://www.moh.gov.sg/newsroom

• Ryan, C., Toomey, R. B., Diaz, R. M., & Russell, S. T. (2020). Parent-initiated sexual orientation change efforts with LGBT adolescents: Implications for young adult mental health and adjustment. Journal of Homosexuality, 67(2), 159–173. https://doi.org/10.1080/00918369.2018.1538407

• Singapore Psychological Society. (2021). Position statement on conversion therapy. Retrieved from https://singaporepsychologicalsociety.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/SPS-Position-on-CT-05Jul2021.pdf

About Dr. Martha Tara Lee