Content warning: This article discusses child sexual abuse and institutional betrayal.

When I read about the three preschool managers who covered up the sexual abuse of toddlers, I felt physically sick. And I’ve been trying to understand how we got here.

What Happened

The facts are straightforward but horrifying. In 2023, a 61-year-old preschool cook molested three toddlers—children aged 1 to 2—during naptime over seven months. He deliberately targeted kids who couldn’t talk yet, who literally couldn’t tell anyone what was happening to them. Last month, he got over nine years in jail (Tham, 2024a).

But here’s where it gets worse.

On November 16, 2023, the vice-principal discovered CCTV footage of the abuse. She didn’t call the police. She sent it to the executive director and principal instead—who were, and I cannot make this up, overseas attending a course on protecting children from abuse. And the three of them? They decided to handle it “quietly” (Tham, 2024b).

What followed wasn’t panic or confusion. It was calculated. They deleted footage from their phones. They reformatted the CCTV hard drives. They had long discussions about how to protect the school’s reputation.

The Meeting That Should Haunt Us All

During a meeting with the school’s chairwoman, the executive director made an argument that I can’t stop thinking about. She said the victim was asleep during the abuse, so the child “may not have suffered any impact” because she didn’t know it was happening. She explained—very practically, very matter-of-factly—that reporting would mean informing parents and authorities, which would likely lead to withdrawals and potentially force the school to close (Tham, 2024b).

The vice-principal added something even more chilling: if she were the victim’s mother, she’d “rather not know” what had been done to her child.

Let that sink in for a moment. An educator—someone whose entire job is caring for children—said she’d prefer ignorance over truth when it came to her own child’s sexual abuse.

This isn’t a lapse in judgment. This is what institutional self-preservation looks like when it overtakes every other value.

Why “She Was Asleep” Doesn’t Matter

I need to address this argument directly because it’s not just wrong—it’s dangerous.

The logic goes like this: if the child doesn’t consciously experience or remember the abuse, then there’s no real harm. The problem just… goes away.

That’s not how bodies work. That’s not how brains work. And it’s definitely not how trauma works.

We know from decades of research that harm isn’t measured by conscious awareness or explicit memory (van der Kolk, 2014). The body keeps score even when the mind has no words for what happened.

Early violations literally shape how a child’s stress response system develops, how they form attachments, how their nervous system learns to regulate itself (Porges, 2011; Schore, 2003). These aren’t abstract concepts—they’re measurable changes in brain structure and function that researchers can actually see (Teicher & Samson, 2016).

Years down the line, these foundational disruptions can show up as anxiety, physical symptoms, behavioral issues, or relationship difficulties that nobody connects back to what happened in that nap room.

So when adults say “there’s no harm because she was asleep,” what they’re really saying is “there’s no harm I have to deal with right now.” They’re choosing their own comfort over a child’s wellbeing.

The Culture That Made This Possible

What disturbs me most isn’t even the cover-up itself—it’s how easily these educated professionals rationalized it.

They talked about enrollment numbers. Parent reactions. Reputation damage. The possibility of the school closing. Everything except what those little girls needed.

This is save-face culture in its most toxic form. And it’s particularly dangerous in childcare settings because it flips the script entirely: instead of institutions existing to protect children, children become collateral damage in protecting the institution.

The preschool’s own policies explicitly stated that staff should report abuse to police and could do so directly without management approval if required by law (Tham, 2024b). These weren’t people who didn’t know the rules. They knew—and they broke them anyway because following the rules felt too costly.

The One Person Who Changed Her Mind

There’s one detail worth noting: the chairwoman initially went along with the cover-up. But then she changed her mind and insisted they had to report to police.

When she did, the three managers discussed resigning together in hopes she might reconsider if they all left. When that didn’t work, they reformatted the CCTV system to destroy evidence before meeting with her again.

The police eventually recovered the footage anyway. The school got fined S$26,200, had its enrollment restricted, and its license cut from 36 months to just 6 months. Three of the managers have been barred from working in preschools since April 2024 (Tham, 2024b).

What This Means for the Rest of Us

The prosecutors captured it perfectly: “This case is illustrative of the many reasons why an early childhood educator may shun away from reporting sexual abuse cases involving their charges under their care” (Tham, 2024b).

In plain language: people stay silent to protect themselves from accountability and discomfort.

But here’s what every parent, educator, administrator, and regulator needs to understand: silence is never neutral when it comes to child abuse.

Criminal punishment addresses past harm. Safeguarding exists to prevent future harm. Safeguarding systems existed on paper here. But they collapsed the moment they were actually needed. When the people charged with protecting children actively work to destroy evidence instead—that’s not a system failure. That’s a cultural failure.

We create these protocols because children, especially the youngest and most vulnerable, cannot protect themselves.

What We Owe Our Children

This case should keep every educator and childcare provider up at night. Because it shows us exactly what happens when fear of consequences becomes bigger than moral courage.

Our children deserve adults who’ll face uncomfortable truths. They deserve institutions where protecting reputation never trumps protecting kids. They deserve a culture where doing the right thing matters more than avoiding inconvenience.

If this story makes you uncomfortable, sit with that feeling for a minute. Because that’s the exact discomfort these three managers tried to avoid. And their avoidance cost three little girls immediate protection, trauma-informed care, and timely intervention.

That’s too high a price. And our children shouldn’t have to pay it.

The question isn’t whether we can afford to speak up when we see abuse. The question is: can we afford not to?

If you or someone you know needs support: Eros Coaching provides confidential guidance for individuals navigating sexual trauma, consent questions, and the journey back to embodied trust. We also offer education and training for organizations committed to recognizing and preventing sexual harm in professional settings. Contact us here.

References

Porges, S. W. (2011). The polyvagal theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation. W. W. Norton & Company.

Schore, A. N. (2003). Affect regulation and the repair of the self. W. W. Norton & Company.

Teicher, M. H., & Samson, J. A. (2016). Annual research review: Enduring neurobiological effects of childhood abuse and neglect. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 57(3), 241-266. https://doi.org/10.1111/jcpp.12507

Tham, D. (2024a, November 10). Cook gets more than 9 years’ jail for molesting 3 toddlers at preschool during naptime. Channel News Asia. https://www.channelnewsasia.com/singapore/preschool-cook-molest-toddler-nap-time-jail-4752701

Tham, D. (2024b, December 19). Former members of preschool senior management admit to covering up offences of cook who molested toddlers. Channel News Asia. https://www.channelnewsasia.com/singapore/preschool-cook-molest-toddler-staff-delete-video-evidence-cover-up-5648906

van der Kolk, B. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Penguin Books.

About Dr. Martha Tara Lee