This is an extract of Chapter Twelve of From Princess to Queen: Heartbreaks, Heartgasms, and Everything In-Between – the third book of Relationship Counselor and Clinical Sexologist Dr. Martha Tara Lee of Eros Coaching published in 2017.
All of us have an inner voice that speaks to us and us alone. Self-talk is that inner running dialogue you have with yourself. When you allow this voice to become overly negative or critical, it can deplete your energy and destroy resiliency.
Your subconscious mind does not discern mere negative talk from reality, and accepts as true what you keep saying. Ultimately, you might find yourself attracting corresponding events and situations into your life, irrespective of whether they are good or bad for you. Hence the saying, “Control your thoughts and you control your life” holds some truth.
You may be sceptical about all this, and you certainly don’t have to take my word for it. However, if you practice the four steps below for 21 days, you just might begin experiencing positive changes in your life:
- Pay attention to what you tell yourself about life’s situations. Begin doing some self-observation and listen for that inner voice.
- Decide on what area of your life you want to work on and then decide on the result you want to achieve from this work.
- Reframe from your negative thoughts by writing short, specific, positive statements in the present tense.
- Repeat them as many times as you can. This helps cement them in your memory and begin to sieve into your unconscious being.
Positive self-talk (also known as ‘affirmations’) is basically positive statements that describe a desired situation. The positive statements are repeated many times, to impress upon the subconscious mind and trigger it into positive action. To ensure rapid results, I encourage you to repeat them with attention, conviction, interest, and desire.
In this fast-paced society we live in, you can optimize your time by reciting your affirmations. You could make use of your time – whether commuting, exercising, or during non-mind-engaging lapses – to fill your mind with positive thoughts and impressions, instead of just ‘zoning out’.
I encourage you to read any of the books written by Louise L. Hay, a motivational author and the founder of Hay House, a publishing company. She is a leading advocate of the power of affirmations.
I leave you with one of her affirmations, which you can recite mentally while exercising:
“My body is a glorious place to live. I rejoice that I have chosen this particular body because it is perfect for me in this lifetime. It is the perfect size and shape and colour. It serves me so well. I marvel at the miracle that is my body. I choose the healing thoughts that create and maintain my healthy body and make me feel good. I love and appreciate my beautiful body!” – From ‘Love Your Body’ by Louise L. Hay
Begin thinking about your way to better health, and consequently, a better life today.
Psst… besides positive thinking, there is a whole series of emotional releasing techniques which I am making available for free at www.eroscoaching.com/clean-and-clear. Be sure to check them out, and attain emotional freedom in your life!
Surrounded by friends who were sexually inhibited and struck by dire lack of positive conversations around sex and sexuality in Singapore, Dr. Martha Tara Lee set out to make a positive difference in embarking on her doctorate in human sexuality before launching Eros Coaching in 2009. Today, she remains dedicated to working with individuals and couples who wish to lead self-actualised and pleasure-filled lives.
She also holds certificates in counselling, coaching and sex therapy, and completed her fourth degree – a Masters in Counselling in 2017. In practice for eight years, she is the only certified sexuality educator by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) in Singapore.
Often cited in the local media, Dr. Lee is the appointed sex expert for Men’s Health Singapore, and Men’s Health Malaysia. She was recognised as one of ‘Top 50 Inspiring Women Under 40′ by Her World in July 2010, and one of ‘Top 100 Inspiring Women’ by CozyCot in March 2011. She is the host of weekly radio show Eros Evolution on the OMTimes Radio Network. She has published three books: Love, Sex and Everything In-Between, Orgasmic Yoga and From Princess to Queen.
Martha works with individuals and couples in private coaching sessions, and conducts her own workshops. She takes prides in making sure all her workshops are also fun, educational, and sex-positive. This comes easily to her because even though she is extremely dedicated and serious about her work, she fundamentally believes that sex is meant to be fun, wonderful, amazing and sacred. As such, this serious light-heartedness has shone through again and again. For her full profile, click here. Email her here.