Book Review: Ecstasy is Necessary by Barbara Carrellas

Posted On: February 5, 2017

Published in 2012, Ecstasy is Necessary: A Practical Guide is Barbara Carrellas’s third book, but the second book of hers I’ve read. I read Ecstasy is Necessary about one year after reading her other book Urban Tantra. As a sexologist, I read so many things about all things related to sex and sexuality that it feels like work – and I must say, I regretted not reading it earlier because it is awesome. Come to think of it, everybody I know who knows Barbara describes her work as that – Awesome.

Ecstasy is Necessary by Barbara CarrellasAs the title of the book suggests, the premise of the book is that ecstasy is necessary, and starts off making a case for your authentic self. In fact, right in the Introduction, you will find Barbara’s powerful Sexual Permission Slip which I used with permission (here’s that word again) in my Sex Possible online program. It goes on to list a long list of ecstatic experiences to have had – if you’d just notice and open up to the possibilities!

Like a workbook, this book takes you on a journey where you will uncover what makes you when it comes to sex (chapter 3). Without boundaries, we cannot feel safe; and that is explored (chapter 4). Without risk-taking, we cannot grow; and that is encouraged (chapter 5). Without language, we cannot speak our truth; and that is explained (chapter 6). Without tools, we cannot cultivate and nurture ourselves; and that’s in chapter 7.

As you begin to get a flavor of: more than about sex, this book is an exploration of your entire erotic self and the infinite possibilities when it comes to your ecstatic expression. Interwoven with practical exercises, the book promises to give you the permission and possibilities to go where you haven’t gone before. Be sure to check out the Aftercare segment where more resources are provided.

Unlike Urban Tantra which contains exercises for couples, Ecstasy is Necessary is more of a solo journey, which is vital when it comes to learning to deepen your authentic sexual self. I would recommend Ecstasy is Necessary to anybody who loves Urban Tantra, and vice versa.

Who is Martha?

Dr. Martha Tara Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching. She is a certified sexologist with a Doctorate in Human Sexuality. She provides sexuality and relationship coaching for individuals and couples, conducts sexual education workshops and speaks at public events. She is the author of the books Love, Sex and Everything In-Between, and Orgasmic Yoga. She is also the host of the weekly radio show Eros Evolution on OMTimes Radio. For more, visit or email

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