On the last day of 2016, I did a sex magic ritual with a friend of mine. Of the intentions I listed, I know these came to pass:
- Completed my fourth degree – Masters in Counseling (I was already two of four modules in, and it was a stressful time, but I scored Distinction for two of the subjects).
- Published my third book – The working title was “I Survived the 7-Year Itch” and after procrastinating for months, I realised I had to change the title that was much more personal and so “From Princess to Queen – Heartbreaks, Heartgasms and Everything In-Between” was published in October to many positive reviews and comments.
- Manifested love – It wasn’t until I was in Penang in March that I boldly declared all the qualities I wanted in my life-partner (including spiritual, smart, funny, sensitive, down-to-earth, and accomplished), fully and completely surrendering to the universe. He came into my life within days, and we committed to each other quickly (8 months and counting).
- Released more products – I released Tongue Twisters on oral exercises here.
- Conducted my first couple retreat in Bali.
- Released regular YouTube videos on my channel. More accomplishments from 2017 are listed here.
It was on reflecting that there was so much ease, clarity, and power behind my intentions for 2017 that I decided to do a similar ritual for myself on the last day of 2017.
Since I’m house-sitting, I don’t have many of my things with me and needed to simplify things. Contrary to belief, one does not need many props (if at all) to go into ceremony – intention is key, though of course, whatever one likes and feels necessary for ritual will only enhance the sacredness and specialness of the session. I meditated on it and decided on creating an elemental ritual for myself – fire, water, air, earth.
I felt inclined to eat light, and detox a few days before 31 Dec, and decided on a food fast. I set the intention to not eat again till after midnight into 1 Jan 2018 (making it an approximately 36-hour fast).
Fire – I had already been exercising one hour a day (after a long hiatus from regular exercise) for the past two days at the gym so I knew I could do it (Please listen to your body and honor your body limits). At 6:30a.m., I started the day by exercising to reach my vibration and energy. I worked on the cross-trainer machine for 30 minutes followed by stretches. The intention I held was: “I release what doesn’t serve me anymore” (out of my body).
Water – Changing into my swimming costume, I went into the jacuzzi and placed myself such that the water jet would work its way through my 7 chakras, starting from my base chakra. The intention I held was: “I clear my chakras” (energy body).
After about 30mins of going through the back then front of each chakra of my body, I went back upstairs to the apartment where I did a space clearing – by going to the four corners of the ritual space and inviting my guides in. I proceeded to a coffee enema (I had already done warm water enema 1.5 litres per day the previous two days). I first used warm water only (1.5 litres) then the dilatated organic coffee (500ml) – holding the coffee into my body for an estimated 10mins. The intention was to “let go of what blocks me.”
I had a shower, applied essential oils on myself (anoint myself). I made myself a warm drink consisting of water ginger, honey, lemon, lime, apple cider vinegar, cucumber, and parsley – and drank it through the day keeping hunger pangs at bay.
Air – The place I am house-sitting has an orange hanging chair – which I love being an Air sign. This was where I penned my intentions for 2018. I was surprised that just how quickly they came, and after the “what”. I wrote my “why” – without examining why we want what we have, the desire behind them wouldn’t be strong and the reduced likelihood of them fulfilling. I then went into my “how” – breaking down each goal into smaller, achievable, and time-based steps. I also looked at how comprehensive the goals were, and wrote down smaller goals involving scheduling time with my parents, and for fun (not all work, improvement, and study).
Earth – There is nothing more grounding than masturbating (base chakra) and moving energy through the body for a sex magic ritual. Like a previous prolonged sex date ritual I did, I had the intention of masturbating for pleasure (not necessarily orgasm) for as long as I could. I began by lying on the bed, and visualising love flowing into my body from the top of my head, to my arms and fingers, torso and then legs and feet (this was without any touch). I was sending myself messages of “love” or “I love you”.
I did this for at least an hour – feeling great love, compassion, and amplifying the sensation in my body (expanded state of bliss). This self-directed self-love is so important and felt so good – I thought about how I should do this more often. We need to increase our deservingness to receive, and it takes us being gentle with ourselves – not forcing.
While watching TV (I know it is also a form of visual distraction, but I decided to cut myself some slack – combining masturbation with watching movies), I began to masturbate on rubbing my genitals against my woollen sweater. Instead of focusing on orgasming, I intentionally breathed and released each build-up and sending in to my written intentions, my year (2018), and my beloved (permission received the previous day). After waves of bliss over a few hours, I allowed myself to orgasm and in that expanded state of ecstasy, I consciously “opened up” (thinking and telling my body to “open up”) my whole being to receive (letting all the good things “drop” into my life through my crown chakra into my body). This, I did, a few times.
After my orgasms, I continued to touch my genitals and whole body for hours, and noticed the difficulties I had with staying awake till midnight. I also appointed body lotion and essential oils on myself at various intervals. I even set an alarm (which I didn’t need) in case I fell asleep. At 10 minutes to midnight, I masturbated again (not to orgasm), and sent the orgasmic energy up my spine and out my body through my crown chakra – same thing as below: to my intentions, smoothen my 2018, and to my beloved.
By the end of the ritual, I was tired but glad I did it – and gave myself the time to honor myself and my life. I got up and ate before going to bed.
You, too, can create your own sex magic ritual with these general guidelines:
- Set intention – What you want to do this ritual for.
- Create a time and space – bring your favourite things or sacred objects, and invite your guides in.
- Perform ritual – “Sex magic” involves rising your sexual energy through your body whether with or without touch, with or without orgasm.
- Close by give thanks, and celebrating it in your own way e.g. dancing, eating food.
There is no wrong way to perform your own year-end or new-year rituals. You just need to have an intention, hold onto to your intention, and have a little bit of faith. Let me know how it goes for you by leaving a comment below.
For more about learning about your erotic energy and using your sexual energy for your evolution, you may wish to purchase my second book Orgasmic Yoga. For private coaching in person or via skype, you can contact me here. Do note that my coaching will never have any nudity.
Surrounded by friends who were sexually inhibited and struck by dire lack of positive conversations around sex and sexuality in Singapore, Dr. Martha Tara Lee set out to make a positive difference in embarking on her doctorate in human sexuality before launching Eros Coaching in 2009. Today, she remains dedicated to working with individuals and couples who wish to lead self-actualised and pleasure-filled lives.
She also holds certificates in counselling, coaching and sex therapy, and has most recently completed her fourth degree – a Masters in Counselling. In practice for more than seven years, she is the only certified sexuality educator by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) in Singapore.
Often cited in the local media, Dr. Lee is the appointed sex expert for Men’s Health Singapore, and Men’s Health Malaysia. She was recognised as one of ‘Top 50 Inspiring Women Under 40′ by Her World in July 2010, and one of ‘Top 100 Inspiring Women’ by CozyCot in March 2011. She is the host of weekly radio show Eros Evolution on the OMTimes Radio Network. She has published three books: Love, Sex and Everything In-Between, Orgasmic Yoga and From Princess to Queen.
Martha works with individuals and couples in private coaching sessions, and conducts her own workshops. She takes prides in making sure all her workshops are also fun, educational, and sex-positive. This comes easily to her because even though she is extremely dedicated and serious about her work, she fundamentally believes that sex is meant to be fun, wonderful, amazing and sacred. As such, this serious light-heartedness has shone through again and again. For her full profile, click here. Email her here.