This is an extract of Chapter Four of From Princess to Queen: Heartbreaks, Heartgasms, and Everything In-Between – the third book of Relationship Counselor and Clinical Sexologist Dr. Martha Tara Lee of Eros Coaching published in 2017.
Projection involves moving forward in time through imagining of future events, or estimates based on certain assumptions. These are three projection questions you can ask yourself before taking the next step to becoming exclusive with each other.
- Would I want to spend the rest of my life with this person exactly as they are? ― You might have heard of the saying: “Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.” Regardless of your gender or that of your love interest, you need to accept the person as who they are, and not try to change them. Why? Because it’s futile.
- Would I want this person to raise my child? ― Irrespective of whether you want a child (one might change their mind), you would like to consider how well their parenting style, values, and religious beliefs matches your own. Instead of being ruled by the heart, your answer is indicative of how compatible you are as a long-term couple. If you already know you want a kid, having the same relationship vision and values is a big part of committing to someone. Having and raising children together is a big commitment and responsibility.
- Would I want my child to be like this person? ― Children learn ethical values by watching the actions of adults they respect. The way your beloved engage with others is going to be the behavior your child will mirror as an adult in years to come. You’d want to be with a moral role model who practice honesty, fairness, and caring for others, and themselves. Asking yourself this question truthfully will help you to better see beyond rose-tainted glasses.
These are three examples how projection can support you choose the right partner. Can you think of anymore?
Surrounded by friends who were sexually inhibited and struck by dire lack of positive conversations around sex and sexuality in Singapore, Dr. Martha Tara Lee set out to make a positive difference in embarking on her doctorate in human sexuality before launching Eros Coaching in 2009. Today, she remains dedicated to working with individuals and couples who wish to lead self-actualised and pleasure-filled lives.
She also holds certificates in counselling, coaching and sex therapy, and completed her fourth degree – a Masters in Counselling in 2017. In practice for eight years, she is the only certified sexuality educator by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) in Singapore.
Often cited in the local media, Dr. Lee is the appointed sex expert for Men’s Health Singapore, and Men’s Health Malaysia. She was recognised as one of ‘Top 50 Inspiring Women Under 40′ by Her World in July 2010, and one of ‘Top 100 Inspiring Women’ by CozyCot in March 2011. She is the host of weekly radio show Eros Evolution on the OMTimes Radio Network. She has published three books: Love, Sex and Everything In-Between, Orgasmic Yoga and From Princess to Queen.
Martha works with individuals and couples in private coaching sessions, and conducts her own workshops. She takes prides in making sure all her workshops are also fun, educational, and sex-positive. This comes easily to her because even though she is extremely dedicated and serious about her work, she fundamentally believes that sex is meant to be fun, wonderful, amazing and sacred. As such, this serious light-heartedness has shone through again and again. For her full profile, click here. Email her here.