Your Presence is a Present

Posted On: October 14, 2019

I used to hate (and probably still do to some extent) social gatherings because there was little else to do other than look pretty, sit quietly, and just smile and/ or eat/ drink. My mom would drag me to visit grandparents every weekend till they passed on. It would be loud, noisy, and relentless. I would frequently feel helpless, stuck, and trapped – until I grew older and I could be trusted to be left alone at home.

As an adult, I would find myself being invited to events and feeling that it was a ‘need-to’ vs a ‘want-to’ event. When I couldn’t say no, but would drag my feet, show up, and be resentful all the time thinking it’s a waste of time. However, I was introduced to a whole new ‘world’ (major reframe) when a friend said this to me, “Your presence is a present”.

She explained that if we can believe (as spiritual beings) that we carry a certain vibration/ energy – then of course, our presence (being there) for an event/ occasion does make a difference! Even if we sat there, did little (or nothing), and said nothing… our presence would still contribute something (positive or negative). We could also consciously send loving vibes from our hearts to the space whilst sitting there (even though seemingly doing nothing). So in essence, our presence can be a present and blessing!

It clicked. I never saw events in the same light again. Indeed, as a trainer/ coach, I have become sensitized to how different people do ‘feel’ differently and therefore, each session can turn out quite different because of who they are even if the issues they present are the same or similar. Instead of playing victim or the blame game nowadays, I do focus on how my presence is a present. I don’t always speak or talk or network a lot, but it doesn’t mean I am unaware of what I can offer to the space.

Having said all this, I am grateful to the people who showed up over the past week to view/ support/ ‘warm’ my new office. I’ve been excited to ‘show it off’ because of how this will be the space I will see clients and run workshops/ support groups. But mostly, I just love connecting my friends to my friends so that they all know one another, and can support one another if they wish.

About Dr. Martha Tara Lee

Surrounded by friends who were sexually inhibited and struck by dire lack of positive conversations around sex and sexuality in Singapore, Dr. Martha Tara Lee set out to make a positive difference in embarking on her doctorate in human sexuality before launching Eros Coaching in 2009. Today, she remains dedicated to working with individuals and couples who wish to lead self-actualised and pleasure-filled lives.

She also holds certificates in counselling, coaching and sex therapy, and her fourth degree – a Masters in Counselling in May 2018. In practice for more than 10 years, she is the only certified sexuality educator and certified sexuality educator supervisor by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) in Singapore.

Often cited in the local media, Dr. Lee is the appointed sex expert for Men’s Health Singapore, and Men’s Health Malaysia. She was recognised as one of ‘Top 50 Inspiring Women Under 40′ by Her World in July 2010, and one of ‘Top 100 Inspiring Women’ by CozyCot in March 2011. She has published four books: Love, Sex and Everything In-BetweenOrgasmic YogaFrom Princess to Queen and {Un}Inhibited.

Martha works with individuals and couples in private coaching sessions, and conducts her own workshops. She takes prides in making sure all her workshops are also fun, educational, and sex-positive. This comes easily to her because even though she is extremely dedicated and serious about her work, she fundamentally believes that sex is meant to be fun, wonderful, amazing and sacred. As such, this serious light-heartedness has shone through again and again. For her full profile, click here. Email her here.

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