Become a Patron!When sex is interwoven with culture, values and religion, many of us do not get to experience or explore the full spectrum of human sexual expression possibilities until when coupled. I’ve often had clients asked me what is out there to do sexually since they don’t know what they don’t know.
Whilst I really don’t like people to think of sex as a checklist of activities, yet these Yes, No, Maybe lists can be a good point of reference and also good conversation starter tool for clients to use.
I’ve pulled together different lists created by colleagues, so download some and I hope they help you in exploring your sexuality whether solo or partnered.
This is a detailed “Want, Will, Won’t” sexual exploration checklist created by Alexa Martinez, designed to help individuals and partners clarify desires, boundaries, and limits across a wide range of intimate activities. It functions as both a self-reflection and communication tool to support consent, negotiation, and deeper understanding of personal and shared sexual preferences. “A map to your most sexual desires. This chart is going to help you get clarity on the things you want to do to a partner, the things you want done to you, the things you will do to a partner, the things you will allow to be done to you and the things that are a hard limit regarding expansive sexual play.”
2. Yes, No, Maybe So: A Sexual Inventory Stocklist
This document is a comprehensive sexual inventory checklist created by Heather Corinna and CJ Turett, designed to help individuals reflect on their boundaries, preferences, triggers, and comfort levels across different aspects of intimacy. It also serves as a structured communication tool for partners to discuss consent, language, relationship models, and sexual activities more openly and clearly. Also available here.
This is a playful, visually engaging sexual exploration worksheet created by Autostraddle to help individuals and partners reflect on desires, boundaries, language, and fantasies through interactive prompts and checklists. It is designed as a customizable conversation starter—encouraging self-awareness and open communication around intimacy, rather than prescribing fixed rules or definitions. “We’re gonna kind of make this like the hanky code. Check the circle on the left for giving/ topping and the right for receiving/ bottoming. If it’s kind of mutual activity.”
This is a simple “Yes/No/Maybe” sexual exploration list created by Four Kitchen Studios, designed to help individuals identify what they are open to, not open to, or curious about in intimate experiences. It serves as a straightforward communication tool to support consent, boundaries, and discussion between partners. “The Yes/No/Maybe list is exactly what it sounds like: a list of sexual, or sensual, acts and experiences and an indication that you will, will not, or might do that freaky shit.”
5. BDSM/Kink Checklist
This is a detailed Yes/No/Maybe-style checklist commonly used within kink communities to help individuals and partners explore boundaries, power dynamics, and a wide range of sexual activities. It supports clear communication, consent, and negotiation, especially for those curious about or engaging in BDSM practices.
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7. Mojo Upgrade
This is an interactive online Yes/No/Maybe tool designed for couples to explore their sexual interests privately and safely. It only reveals mutual “yes” responses, helping reduce fear of rejection and making conversations about desire easier and more playful.
8. Wheel of Consent
This is a foundational framework created by Betty Martin that helps individuals understand the dynamics of giving, receiving, allowing, and taking in touch and intimacy. While not a checklist, it deepens how people interpret and communicate their Yes/No/Maybe responses by clarifying who an action is for and how consent operates.
Download my freebie Reclaim Your Sexuality if you haven’t while you’re here!
About Dr. Martha Tara Lee
Dr. Martha Tara Lee has been a passionate advocate for positive sexuality since 2007. With a Doctorate in Human Sexuality and a Master’s in Counseling, she founded Eros Coaching in 2009 to help individuals and couples lead self-actualized and pleasurable lives. Her expertise includes working with couples in unconsummated marriages, individuals with sexual inhibitions or desire discrepancies, men facing erection and ejaculation concerns, and members of the LGBTQIA+ and kink communities. She welcomes people of all sexual orientations and offers both online and in-person consultations in English and Mandarin.
Dr. Lee is the only certified sexuality educator by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) in the region since 2011, and became an AASECT-certified sexuality educator supervisor in 2018. Her fun, educational, and sex-positive approach has been featured in international media including Huffington Post, Newsweek, and South China Morning Post. She currently serves as Resident Sexologist for the Singapore Cancer Society, Of Noah.sg, OfZoey.sg, and Sincere Healthcare Group., and is the host of the podcast Eros Matters.
An accomplished author, Dr. Lee has published four books: Love, Sex and Everything In-Between (2013), Orgasmic Yoga: Masturbation, Meditation and Everything In-Between (2015), From Princess to Queen: Heartbreaks, Heartgasms and Everything In-Between (2017), and {Un}Inhihibited (2019). Her contributions have been recognized with numerous honors, including Her World’s Top 50 Inspiring Women under 40 (2010), CozyCot’s Top 100 Inspiring Women (2011), Global Woman of Influence (2024), the Most Supportive Relationship Coach (Singapore Business Awards, APAC Insider, 2025), and the Icon of Change International Award (2025).
You can read the testimonials she’s received over years here. For her full profile, click here. Email her here.
