Personal Story: “A mentor of mine shared what he didn’t like about me…”

Posted On: April 17, 2022

MentorToday marks the anniversary of Eros Coaching – which started on 20 April 2009. That’s 13 years!

A mentor of mine shared what he didn’t like about me yesterday i.e. 2 April 2002: that I was so inflexible around things and people.

As we chatted, the layers within me unfolded. I remembered some of the intentions I made when I started my practice back in 2009 which I might have unwittingly pushed to the back but have continued to unconsciously guide me to this date… 13 years on.

What many people might not know of me is that I survived a psychological abusive marriage before I “found myself” and recognised my life’s calling is to help people. Since I went through hell and back, everything else would be regarded “up” from that point.

When I started my practice, I was clear:

  1. I want a practice doing my best work to the best of my ability helping people. It was about quality control and independence.
  2. I wanted control over how I did things since this was an extension of who I was. It’s about this being heart work.
  3. I wanted to be proud of what I did and hence it included working with people I love and supported and not people I don’t. To me, this was all about integrity.
  4. I never thought of being rich, or famous. Nor did I dream of expansion or world domination.

Yet I’ve been accused of being small-minded, not being ambitious enough, and not being willing to compromise including being unwilling to work with people I didn’t like. I walked away more than once from being put up for work-related committees because I saw and didn’t want the drama involved.

Having been through hell and back, it’s not about not having any fight left in me, but having enough wisdom to know what fights weren’t worth engaging in. I know I’m extremely averse to politics and drama having gone through more shit in this lifetime than I care to share. I wanted to do my own thing, do meaningful work, help people, impact lives, and let my work speak for itself. That’s all.

What I’ve intended have come to pass. I have great pride in who I have become and my work. I respect that different people have different professions and they, too, have pride and joy in what they do. Respect is recognising people for who they are and what they’re trying to do for themselves.

None of us should push others along, force them to do anything they don’t want to, and most definitely not go around telling others they are not enough, or not doing enough. This has happened to me more than once now. One can ask what support is needed, and provide such support, but never bend the will of others.

The world will be a better place if we recognise the dignity each person inherently has and deserve – doing their best with what they have and acknowledge them for it.

(Written on 3 April 2022)

If you wish to have support around your personal life, do know I am here to support you.

About Dr. Martha Tara Lee

Surrounded by friends who were sexually inhibited and struck by dire lack of positive conversations around sex and sexuality in Singapore, Dr. Martha Tara Lee set out to make a positive difference in embarking on her doctorate in human sexuality before launching Eros Coaching in 2009. Today, she remains dedicated to working with individuals and couples who wish to lead self-actualised and pleasure-filled lives.

She also holds certificates in counselling, coaching and sex therapy, and her fourth degree – a Masters in Counselling in May 2018. In practice since 2009, she is the only certified sexuality educator and certified sexuality educator supervisor by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) in Singapore.

Often cited in the media, Dr. Lee is the appointed Clinical Sexologist for Singapore Cancer Society. She was recognised as one of ‘Top 50 Inspiring Women Under 40′ by Her World in July 2010, and one of ‘Top 100 Inspiring Women’ by CozyCot in March 2011. She has published four books: Love, Sex and Everything In-BetweenOrgasmic YogaFrom Princess to Queen and {Un}Inhibited.

Martha works with individuals and couples in private coaching sessions, and conducts her own workshops. She takes prides in making sure all her workshops are also fun, educational, and sex-positive. This comes easily to her because even though she is extremely dedicated and serious about her work, she fundamentally believes that sex is meant to be fun, wonderful, amazing and sacred. As such, this serious light-heartedness has shone through again and again. For her full profile, click here. Email her here.

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