Exploring Ruined Orgasms: What You Need to Know

Posted On: August 24, 2022

Exploring Ruined Orgasms: What You Need to Know

Ruined orgasms have been gaining popularity in recent years as a form of BDSM play that can provide an intense and pleasurable experience for both partners. Ruined orgasms involve the partner who is receiving stimulation being brought to the brink of orgasm, only to be denied the pleasure of climaxing. This can be done through physical stimulation, verbal commands, or even psychological manipulation. While some people may find this type of play to be too intense, many people enjoy the heightened sense of pleasure and anticipation that comes with ruined orgasms. In this blog post, we’ll explore what ruined orgasms are, the pros and cons of engaging in them, possible scripts for engaging in them, and things to consider before doing them. We’ll also discuss how to engage in safe ruined orgasms and what to consider if you’re thinking about whether ruined orgasm is for you.

What are Ruined Orgasms?
Ruined orgasms, also known as edging, are a type of sexual stimulation that involves bringing someone to the brink of orgasm and then stopping or slowing down the stimulation before they reach climax. This can be done multiple times, with the goal of creating a more intense and powerful orgasm when they finally do reach it.

Ruined orgasm happens when someone is

  1. Aroused and on the brink of orgasm, but then something interrupts the pleasure and the orgasm doesn’t happen.
  2. Close to having an orgasm, but then something happens that prevents them from reaching it.
  3. Sexually aroused and almost ready to climax, but then something interrupts the pleasure and the orgasm doesn’t happen.
  4. About to experience an intense climax, but then something happens that stops them from reaching it.
  5. Just about to reach the peak of pleasure, but then something interrupts the experience and they don’t get to enjoy the full sensation.

How do I ruin an Orgasm?

A ruined orgasm, also known as a “cock tease” or “edging,” is a type of sexual stimulation that involves bringing a person close to the point of orgasm, but then stopping before they reach it. This can be done with manual stimulation, oral sex, or intercourse. To achieve a ruined orgasm, start by stimulating the person until they are close to climaxing. Then, stop and wait for the arousal to subside before continuing. You can repeat this process several times before finally allowing them to reach orgasm. This can be an incredibly intense and pleasurable experience for both partners.

Why do people like doing Ruined Orgasm?

Ruined orgasms are a type of sexual activity that can be both pleasurable and stimulating for both partners. People enjoy ruined orgasms because they can be a way to increase sexual tension and arousal. The sensation of having an orgasm that is stopped or prevented from happening can be incredibly intense and pleasurable for both partners. Additionally, ruined orgasms can be used as a form of BDSM play, allowing partners to explore power dynamics and control within their relationship.

What are the Pros and Cons to Ruined Orgasms?


  1. Increased sexual pleasure and anticipation. Ruined orgasms can help increase arousal and anticipation, making the eventual orgasm more intense.
  2. Improved communication. Ruined orgasms can help couples learn to communicate more openly about their desires and needs in the bedroom.
  3. Heightened sensitivity. Ruined orgasms can help make the body more sensitive to stimulation, which can lead to more intense orgasms when they do occur.


  1. Unsatisfying experience. For some people, ruined orgasms can be an unsatisfying experience, as they may not be able to achieve a full orgasm.
  2. Unpredictable results. Ruined orgasms can be unpredictable, as the intensity of the orgasm may vary depending on the person and situation.
  3. Risk of injury. Ruined orgasms can increase the risk of injury if done incorrectly or with too much force.

What to consider if thinking whether ruined orgasm is for you?

  1. Do you feel comfortable with the idea of giving up control? Ruined orgasms require a partner to take control of the situation and determine when and how the orgasm will be ruined.
  2. Are you willing to discuss boundaries and expectations with your partner? It is important to discuss what is and isn’t acceptable in terms of ruined orgasms before engaging in them.
  3. Are you comfortable with the idea of not having a full orgasm? Ruined orgasms can be intense, but they do not usually result in a full orgasm.
  4. Do you trust your partner? Ruined orgasms require a great deal of trust between partners, as they involve relinquishing control over the situation.
  5. Are you prepared for the potential physical and emotional effects? Ruined orgasms can have both physical and emotional effects, so it is important to be prepared for them.

Possible scripts

  1. “I’d like to try something new. Would you be willing to do a ruined orgasm for me?”
  2. “I’m interested in exploring ruined orgasms. Would you be up for trying it with me?”
  3. “I think it would be really hot if we tried a ruined orgasm together. What do you think?”
  4. “I’ve been wanting to try a ruined orgasm with you. Are you game?”
  5. “I’m curious about ruined orgasms. Would you be willing to try it with me?”

Things to consider before doing Ruined Orgasms

  1. Communication: Make sure you and your partner are both on the same page about what you are comfortable with and what you expect from a ruined orgasm.
  2. Safety: Make sure to use safe words and to be aware of any potential risks that could arise from a ruined orgasm.
  3. Preparation: Make sure you have all the necessary supplies, such as lubricants, toys, and condoms, before engaging in a ruined orgasm.
  4. Consent: Make sure that both partners are comfortable with the idea of a ruined orgasm and that consent is given before engaging in any sexual activity.
  5. Aftercare: Make sure to provide aftercare for both partners after a ruined orgasm, such as cuddling, talking, or taking a hot bath together.

How do I engage in safe ruined orgasms?

Start by discussing the activity with your partner. Make sure you both understand what ruined orgasms are and how they can be pleasurable.

  1. Set boundaries. Talk about what you are both comfortable with and what you are not. This will help ensure that the experience is enjoyable and safe for both of you.
  2. Use lubricant. This will help reduce friction and make the experience more comfortable.
  3. Take it slow. Start with light touches and gradually increase the intensity as you both become more aroused.
  4. Keep communication open. Talk to your partner about what feels good and what doesn’t so that you can adjust the intensity accordingly.
  5. Use protection. Ruined orgasms can be intense, so it’s important to use protection to reduce the risk of STIs or unwanted pregnancy.
  6. Stop if necessary. If either of you feel uncomfortable or overwhelmed, take a break and talk about it before continuing.

Ruined orgasms can be an incredibly intense and pleasurable experience for both partners if done correctly. People enjoy doing them because it can add an extra level of excitement to their sex life. However, there are some pros and cons to consider before engaging in ruined orgasms, such as possible scripts, safety, and whether it is the right thing for you. It is important to do your research and think carefully before deciding whether or not ruined orgasms are right for you. With the right preparation and communication, ruined orgasms can be a great way to spice up your sex life.

About Dr. Martha Tara Lee

Dr. Martha Tara Lee has been a passionate advocate for positive sexuality since 2007. With a Doctorate in Human Sexuality and a Masters in Counseling, she launched Eros Coaching in 2009 to help individuals and couples lead self-actualised and pleasurable lives. Her expertise includes working with couples who have unconsummated marriage, individuals with sexual inhibitions and discrepancies in sexual desire, men with erection and ejaculation concerns, and members of the LGBTQIA+ and kink communities. Dr. Lee welcomes all sexual orientations and is available for online and face-to-face consultations. Martha speaks English and Mandarin.

She is the only certified sexuality educator by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) in the region (as of 2011) and is also an AASECT certified sexuality educator supervisor (as of 2018). She strives to provide fun, educational, and sex-positive events and is often cited in the media including Huffington PostNewsweek, South China Morning Post, and more. She is the appointed Resident Sexologist for Singapore Cancer Society, Of Noah.sgOfZoey.sg, and Virtus Fertility Centre. She is the host of radio show Eros Evolution for OMTimes Radio. In recognition of her work, she was named one of ‘Top 50 Inspiring Women under 40’ by Her World in July 2010, and one of ‘Top 100 Inspiring Women’ by CozyCot in March 2011. She is the author of Love, Sex and Everything In-Between (2013),  Orgasmic Yoga: Masturbation, Meditation and Everything In-Between (2015), From Princess to Queen: Heartbreaks, Heartgasms and Everything In-Between (2017), and {Un}Inhihibited (2019).

You can read the testimonials she’s received over years here. For her full profile, click here. Email her here.

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