Navigating Baby-Making Stress: A Sexologist’s Guide to Keeping the Fun in Love-Making

Posted On: September 8, 2023

Navigating Baby-Making Stress

For many couples, the decision to start a family is an exciting and joyous one. However, the process of trying to conceive can often be stressful and overwhelming, especially if it takes longer than expected. As a sexologist, I often see couples who are struggling with the stress of baby-making and how it’s affecting their relationship. Here are some tips on how to navigate this challenging time and keep the fun in love-making.

  1. Communicate openly: It’s important to communicate openly with your partner about your feelings and concerns. Talk about your expectations, fears, and frustrations. Remember that you’re in this together and that you both want the same thing.
  2. Focus on pleasure, not just procreation: When trying to conceive, it’s easy to get caught up in the goal of getting pregnant and forget about the pleasure of love-making. Make sure to take time for intimacy and pleasure, even if it doesn’t lead to conception right away.
  3. Take care of yourself: Trying to conceive can be physically and emotionally exhausting. Make sure to take care of yourself by eating well, getting enough sleep, and engaging in self-care activities that help you relax and de-stress.
  4. Try new things: If you’ve been trying for a while without success, it can be helpful to try new things to spice up your love life. Experiment with different positions or sex toys, or try scheduling love-making at different times of the day or week.
  5. Practice mindfulness: Mindfulness techniques such as meditation or deep breathing can help you manage stress and anxiety related to trying to conceive. It can also help you stay present and focused during love-making.

Here are some additional tips on overcoming baby-making stress, including reframing the experience:

  1. Reframe the experience: Instead of focusing solely on the stress and pressure of trying to conceive, try to reframe the experience as a magical and transformative journey. You have the opportunity to create a new life and expand your family, which can be an exciting and fulfilling experience.
  2. Embrace change: Having a baby will inevitably bring about significant changes in your life. Instead of fearing or resisting these changes, try to embrace them as opportunities for growth and transformation. Life as you know it will be different, but that can be a good thing.
  3. what you do have (a loving partner, a supportive family, good health, etc.). Take time each day to reflect on the things you’re grateful for and appreciate the blessings in your life.
  4. Stay connected: Trying to conceive can be isolating, but it’s important to stay connected with your partner, friends, and family. Lean on your support system for emotional support and encouragement.
  5. Take a holistic approach: Instead of solely focusing on fertility treatments or interventions, take a holistic approach to your health and well-being. This includes eating a healthy diet, getting regular exercise, managing stress, and getting enough sleep. A healthy lifestyle can increase your chances of conceiving naturally and improve your overall well-being.
  6. Practice self-compassion: Be kind and compassionate towards yourself during this process. It’s easy to blame yourself or feel like you’re not doing enough, but remember that fertility is complex and often out of our control. Treat yourself with the same kindness and compassion you would offer a friend going through a difficult time.
  7. Stay positive: It’s easy to get discouraged when you’re trying to conceive without success. However, staying positive and optimistic can help you stay motivated and reduce stress. Try to focus on the things that are going well in your life and celebrate small victories.
  8. Get informed: Educate yourself about fertility and the best ways to increase your chances of conceiving. This can help you feel more in control and confident about the process.
  9. Take a break: Trying to conceive can be all-consuming, but it’s important to take breaks and do things that bring you joy and relaxation. Take a vacation, try a new hobby, or spend time with friends and family.
    Seek support: Don’t be afraid to seek support from friends, family, or a therapist who specializes in fertility issues. You don’t have to go through this alone.
  10. Seek medical advice: If you’ve been trying to conceive for a while without success, it may be time to seek medical advice. A fertility specialist can help identify any underlying issues and recommend treatments or interventions that can increase your chances of conceiving.

Remember that the process of trying to conceive can be a journey, not just a destination. It’s important to keep the fun in love-making and not let the stress of baby-making take over your relationship. By communicating openly, focusing on pleasure, taking care of yourself, seeking support, and trying new things, you can navigate this challenging time and come out stronger on the other side.

If you’re experiencing baby-making stress and are struggling to conceive, it may be helpful to see a sexologist for a private consultation. A sexologist can provide you with personalized advice and guidance on how to optimize your chances of conceiving, as well as help you manage any stress or anxiety related to the process. They can also help you address any underlying issues that may be affecting your fertility, such as sexual dysfunction or relationship problems. Seeing a sexologist can be a proactive step towards achieving your goal of starting or expanding your family, and can provide you with the support and resources you need to navigate this complex and emotional journey.

About Dr. Martha Tara Lee

Dr. Martha Tara Lee has been a passionate advocate for positive sexuality since 2007. With a Doctorate in Human Sexuality and a Masters in Counseling, she launched Eros Coaching in 2009 to help individuals and couples lead self-actualised and pleasurable lives. Her expertise includes working with couples who have unconsummated marriage, individuals with sexual inhibitions and discrepancies in sexual desire, men with erection and ejaculation concerns, and members of the LGBTQIA+ and kink communities. Dr. Lee welcomes all sexual orientations and is available for online and face-to-face consultations. Martha speaks English and Mandarin.

She is the only certified sexuality educator by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) in the region (as of 2011) and is also an AASECT certified sexuality educator supervisor (as of 2018). She strives to provide fun, educational, and sex-positive events and is often cited in the media including Huffington PostNewsweek, South China Morning Post, and more. She is the appointed Resident Sexologist for Singapore Cancer Society, Of, and Virtus Fertility Centre. She is the host of radio show Eros Evolution for OMTimes Radio. In recognition of her work, she was named one of ‘Top 50 Inspiring Women under 40’ by Her World in July 2010, and one of ‘Top 100 Inspiring Women’ by CozyCot in March 2011. She is the author of Love, Sex and Everything In-Between (2013),  Orgasmic Yoga: Masturbation, Meditation and Everything In-Between (2015), From Princess to Queen: Heartbreaks, Heartgasms and Everything In-Between (2017), and {Un}Inhihibited (2019).

You can read the testimonials she’s received over years here. For her full profile, click here. Email her here.

Eroscoaching Logo

Get sex tips straight in your mailbox!