Have you ever hesitated to fully relax during intimacy because you’re too aware of how you look? You’re not alone. As a relationship counselor and sexologist in Singapore, I see how self-perception shapes our experiences in the bedroom. Many people struggle with thoughts like, “I can’t relax during sex because I’m too worried about how my body looks.” This is a common concern that affects sexual confidence.

Between Singapore’s humid climate making everyone feel a bit uncomfortable and the pressure to look perfect at all times from media and advertising, it’s understandable why many people are hard on themselves.

Why Does That Critical Voice Show Up?

That critical voice in your head—the one that shows up when you’re naked or vulnerable. It’s important to consider where those thoughts came from.

They might stem from past relationship experiences, family attitudes about bodies and sex, or cultural expectations. For many people in Singapore, these thoughts are connected to broader societal pressures.

Try writing down your thoughts about your body for a few days. You might be surprised by patterns you notice—how often comparisons happen, when negative thoughts arise, and what triggers them. What if you spoke to yourself the way you’d comfort a close friend? Self-compassion is a practice, and small shifts in your inner dialogue can make a big difference.

Mirror Work That Feels Manageable

Standing in front of a mirror saying positive things to yourself can feel awkward at first—many people struggle with this.

Here’s a simpler version that often works better:

• Look in the mirror after your shower. Try not to avoid it.
• Take a few deep breaths.
• Touch your shoulder or arm gently.
• Simply say, “This is me.”

That’s it. No grand declarations necessary. Just recognition and presence.

With practice, this simple exercise can help you start seeing yourself more fully, rather than focusing only on perceived flaws.

Talking to Yourself Differently

The internal dialogue we maintain has a significant impact. Our thoughts shape our experiences.

Instead of memorizing perfect affirmations, try these more casual thoughts:

• “This is just my body doing its thing.”
• “I deserve good feelings too.”
• “Not perfect, but mine.”
• “I’m working on being kinder to myself today.”

Say them however feels least awkward. You might mumble them while driving, write one on a sticky note for your bathroom mirror, or include them in your journal. Find what works for your lifestyle.

You’re More Attractive Than You Think

There’s often a substantial gap between how we see ourselves and how others perceive us.

Consider asking your partner or a close friend what they find attractive about you. Their answer might surprise you.

Many people discover that while they’ve been fixating on certain perceived flaws, their partners have been appreciating entirely different qualities all along.

Nobody’s Perfect

Visit any beach in Singapore on a weekend and look around. You’ll see real bodies of all shapes enjoying life. That’s normal and natural.

You don’t need to immediately love every part of yourself. That creates too much pressure. Instead, what about aiming for neutrality? Not loving, not hating.

For instance, rather than thinking “I hate how my thighs look,” try “These are just my thighs.” It sounds simple, even boring, but sometimes that neutrality provides relief from constant self-criticism.

Many people find that starting with neutral observations gradually opens the door to more positive feelings over time.

Little Things That Help

Sometimes indirect approaches work best:

• Move in ways that feel good: Find physical activities you genuinely enjoy rather than exercise that feels like punishment. Swimming, walking along the Southern Ridges, or joining a dance class can help you connect with your body’s capabilities rather than just its appearance.
• Wear what actually feels nice: Experiment with fabrics, colors, and styles that make you feel comfortable and present in your body. Sometimes it’s about how clothes feel on your skin rather than just how they look.
• Explore without pressure: Getting to know your body isn’t limited to sexual exploration. Practice being present with physical sensations—the feeling of a cool shower, the warmth of the sun, or the texture of different surfaces against your skin.
• Change small habits: Stand tall when ordering at a cafe. Make eye contact during conversations. Small confidence builders in everyday situations can gradually influence how you feel in intimate settings.
• Nourish yourself properly: Skipping meals then becoming too hungry and irritable doesn’t help anyone feel good. Many people notice their self-image worsens when they’re not properly nourished.

Getting Some Backup

You don’t have to figure all this out alone.

• Consider working with a stylist who makes you feel comfortable and respects your preferences.
• If exercise feels complicated, a trainer who focuses on how movement feels, not just how it looks, can make a significant difference.
• If food and body image are interconnected challenges for you, working with a nutritionist who focuses on well-being rather than just weight can be helpful.
• A therapist who understands body image and sexuality can provide valuable support. With more options for both in-person and online sessions available in Singapore now, it’s easier to find the right professional.

The Long Game

Confidence isn’t something you achieve once and then you’re done. It’s more of an ongoing practice.

Some days you’ll feel great. Other days, not so much. That fluctuation is entirely normal.

Many people find that with time and practice, difficult days become less frequent and less intense. A bad body image moment no longer ruins an entire day or week.

You don’t have to love every part of yourself overnight. Small, consistent efforts—whether it’s changing your self-talk, exploring movement, or seeking support—can help you feel more at home in your body. If you’d like guidance, I’m here to help.

About Dr. Martha Tara Lee