Breaking the Silence on Sexual Self-Care

This International Women’s Day, March 8, we are amplifying a conversation that has been kept in the shadows for too long—self-care as a sexual being. Women across Asia have long been taught to prioritize others, often neglecting their own needs for pleasure, rest, and intimacy. But true self-care isn’t just about external wellness routines—it’s about reclaiming our right to experience joy, to nurture our bodies, and to build emotional and sexual confidence.

We are four Asian women breaking this silence today. From Malaysia to Singapore, from China to the Philippines, we bring our unique perspectives on sexual self-care—offering reflections on cultural conditioning, emotional healing, personal empowerment, and the everyday rituals that shape our intimate well-being.

Dr. Martha Tara Lee – Self-Care as a Sexual Being (Singapore)

Honoring Inner Well-being for Authentic Pleasure and Connection

Self-care isn’t just about what we do—it’s about how we feel. It’s a state of being, an awareness of our inner world. What we do is a reflection of what we feel, and by tuning into ourselves, we can make better choices. I practice regular internal check-ins as a moment-by-moment daily practice. With the constraints I have, I ask myself: How do I feel? When I feel better and have more energy, it naturally influences how I show up—including in my sexuality.

People often overcomplicate self-care, but it’s the simple, daily practices that shape our well-being. Routines help regulate our nervous system, bringing us back to a place of balance. Meditation, mindfulness, exercise, sleep, and proper nutrition all play a role in supporting both emotional and physical intimacy. We should treat ourselves as the most important person in our lives—because we are.

Being in touch with ourselves helps us connect with how we feel, which in turn shapes how we express ourselves with others. When we come from a place of wellness, we naturally engage with people in a more open and connected way. However, if we hold negative sexual attitudes or beliefs, they will also affect how we show up and engage in intimacy.

True self-care is about nurturing ourselves at every level—physically, emotionally, and sexually—so that we can experience pleasure, connection, and intimacy with authenticity and confidence.

Eve Lim Wei Jia – Embracing Emotional Healing and Pleasure (Malaysia)

Releasing Shame and Reconnecting with the Body

I think it should start emotionally. We often inherit harmful narratives about our bodies; hence, processing feelings of shame, guilt, or societal conditioning around sexuality can help us feel more at ease with intimacy. Additionally, challenging negative beliefs about sex and self-worth can create space for a healthier relationship with pleasure. When we affirm our right to joy and intimacy, we become more confident in expressing our needs and boundaries. Once we develop healthier thoughts about sex, our connection with our bodies naturally enhances, allowing us to embrace desire.

Whether we have a partner or are single, we can always find ways to enhance our sexual enjoyment. This might include trying out new sex toys, masturbation, or physical self-touch. Exploring self-pleasure (fantasy, kinks, etc.) without guilt is also a way of connecting with our own desires. It allows us to understand what feels good, making it easier to communicate our needs in partnered intimacy. Engaging in mindful touch, such as self-massage or body appreciation rituals, also helps us feel more connected to our physical selves. The more we feel at home in our bodies, the more pleasure we can experience.

Additionally, asking ourselves what we need emotionally in intimate moments can prevent disconnection. For instance, are we seeking closeness, affirmation, or simply physical pleasure? Honoring these needs leads to more fulfilling experiences.

Stress and exhaustion can take a toll on desire, so nurturing our energy levels is crucial for a healthy connection to pleasure. Living a healthy lifestyle, eating well, sleeping well, doing a job we enjoy, and spending time with people we care about will naturally improve our sexual health.

Clementine Liu – Self-Care as a Sexual Being: A Medical Perspective on Prevention and Well-being (China)

Redefining Sexual Well-being Through Prevention and Empowerment 

In China, where abstinence-based education remains mainstream, discussions about pleasure, emotional intimacy, and sexual identity are often omitted. Yet, I’ve observed a fascinating trend in self-care—female-led and deeply rooted in prevention. Encouragingly, these proactive health measures benefit not just women but men’s sexual health as well.

For instance, young Chinese women have long sought HPV vaccinations abroad, despite high costs and lack of subsidies, reflecting both growing health awareness and cultural anxieties about disease. Similarly, mothers often lead decisions like male circumcision, reinforcing women’s critical role as guardians of family health.

At its core, China’s approach to sexual well-being prioritizes abstinence, disease prevention, and risk management. Unlike Western narratives highlighting self-exploration, China’s emphasis remains primarily on protection. Yet true sexual well-being goes beyond mere avoidance of harm. It involves embracing personal agency—owning one’s bodily autonomy, emotional connection, and intimate choices.

Ultimately, empowered sexual self-care merges responsibility with desire, protection with pleasure, and individual well-being with collective consciousness. Embracing this balance transforms self-care from simple prevention to a pathway toward joy, self-respect, and thriving intimacy.

Brightly Abby – Self-Care as a Sexual Being (The Philippines)

Owning Your Pleasure, Confidence, and Energy

When people think of self-care, they picture bubble baths, face masks, and a little yoga. Cute, but real self-care? It’s deeper than skincare and scented candles. It’s about emotional nourishment, honoring our pleasure, and creating space for intimacy—with ourselves and others. It’s about embracing our sexual selves unapologetically.

Sexual confidence doesn’t just happen because someone calls you hot (though we love to hear it). It’s built in those little moments—when you check yourself out in the mirror, wear that lace lingerie just because, or moisturize like you’re in a luxury skincare ad. Taking care of yourself sends a message: I deserve good things—including mind-blowing pleasure.

Here’s the deal: your best sex life starts way before the bedroom. You can’t be expected to feel sexy if you’re running on three hours of sleep, dehydrated, and stressed out from dealing with people who can’t read an email properly.

At the end of the day, self-care isn’t just a luxury—it’s a necessity. Because when you take care of yourself, you’re not just existing—you’re thriving, glowing, and radiating main character energy. And trust me, that’s sexy as hell.

Closing Thoughts: Self-Care as Reclamation

From emotional healing to sexual exploration, from prevention-focused healthcare to pleasure-centered rituals, self-care is about reclaiming agency over our bodies, emotions, and experiences.

By breaking the silence, we hope to remind every woman that self-care is not selfish—it’s essential. It is the foundation upon which we build healthy relationships, fulfilling intimacy, and authentic sexual confidence.

Let’s continue to nurture ourselves, break taboos, and celebrate our right to pleasure.

Connect with us:

• Dr. Martha Tara Lee – www.ErosCoaching.com/profile
• Eve Lim Wei Jia – https://americanboardofsexology.org/sexologist/eve-wei-jia-lim/
• Brightly Abby – @brightly.abby
• Ms. Clementine Liu – https://aspacebetween.com.sg/therapists/clementine-liu