I have done several low-wage, casual jobs in my life so far—bank teller, waitress, retail assistant, flier distributor, dishwasher, airport trolley pusher, and security work. These roles give me a glimpse into different worlds, allowing me to see life from various perspectives, build empathy, and understand the realities of those who do this work full-time. My work as a counselor and sexologist further exposes me to people from middle to affluent backgrounds, yet I find myself just as fascinated by human behavior across all levels of society.

This isn’t just about jobs—it’s about understanding people deeply, observing how different environments shape behaviors, and witnessing the unseen struggles people face. These jobs, however, have shown me what it feels like to be ignored, belittled, or treated as disposable. But people are not insignificant just because their jobs are replaceable.

This blog will explore:

• How mistreatment leads to self-worth erosion
• The psychological and physiological effects of dehumanization
• Scientific insights into stress, trauma, and resilience
• How to stand up for yourself without escalating conflict
• Why people repeat themselves aggressively when angry
• Legal rights for workers in Singapore, including domestic helpers and security personnel
• Steps to rebuild self-esteem and heal from mistreatment
• Free resources, including books, YouTube channels, and self-healing tools

If you’ve ever felt powerless or undervalued in your role or relationships, this is for you.

How Repeated Mistreatment Erodes Self-Worth

1. Understanding Dehumanization: When You’re Treated Like Less Than Human

Dehumanization occurs when a person is treated as though they are less than human, lacking emotions, intelligence, or dignity. This can manifest as:

• Being yelled at or spoken to harshly without respect.
• Having your opinions or feelings dismissed.
• Being blamed unfairly or treated as if you have no rights.
• Feeling invisible or unimportant in the workplace or relationships.

Studies in psychology show that chronic exposure to dehumanization increases stress levels and lowers self-esteem (Haslam, 2006). Research also suggests that people in relationships where they are constantly belittled experience similar psychological effects as workplace abuse, leading to emotional burnout, anxiety, and even learned helplessness (Schaufeli, Leiter, & Maslach, 2009).

2. The Brain Learns Through Repetition

When someone repeatedly experiences verbal abuse, unfair blame, or belittlement, their brain starts to internalize these messages. Even if you logically know it’s not true, your subconscious may start believing:

• “I am not important.”
• “People don’t respect me.”
• “I don’t deserve better.”

Repeated mistreatment rewires the brain’s stress response, leading to increased cortisol levels (McEwen, 2012). This prolonged exposure to stress makes individuals more prone to depression and self-doubt.

3. The Nervous System Gets Stuck in Survival Mode

When someone yells at you or humiliates you in public or in a relationship, your nervous system reacts as if you are in danger. Your body goes into “fight, flight, or freeze” mode. If this happens occasionally, you recover. But if it’s constant, your body stays in a state of stress, leading to:

• Hypervigilance – Always expecting the next attack.
• Emotional exhaustion – Feeling drained all the time.
• Numbness or detachment – As a coping mechanism.

Research in trauma psychology confirms that chronic stress exposure leads to dysregulation of the autonomic nervous system, contributing to anxiety and depressive symptoms (van der Kolk, 2014).

4. Why Do People Repeat Themselves Aggressively When Angry?

When someone is angry, they often repeat themselves loudly, assuming that saying the same thing over and over again will make their point clearer. This is because:

• They believe you are not understanding them – Instead of clarifying, they increase volume and repeat several times the same thing.
• The brain’s stress response reduces logical thinking – Anger impairs cognitive function, making people repeat themselves instead of articulating better (Davidson, 2002).
• A power imbalance makes them think force will make you comply – Some people use intimidation as a substitute for reasoning.

Understanding this helps you detach emotionally when facing verbal aggression. Recognizing that their yelling is their issue, not yours, allows you to stay calm instead of feeling personally attacked.

How to Stand Up for Yourself Without Escalation

1. Shift Your Mindset: It’s Their Problem, Not Yours

If someone yells at you, belittles you, or falsely accuses you, remind yourself:

• Their anger is about them, not you.
• Their disrespect is a reflection of their character, not your worth.
• You are doing your job with integrity.

2. Keep Your Tone Neutral, Not Defensive

• “I understand your frustration, sir/madam. I am following protocol.”
• “I hear you. Let me check with management.”
• “I am doing my best to assist. Thank you for your patience.”

3. Shake Off the Stress & Reset Your Nervous System

• Ground yourself: Feel your feet on the floor, take deep breaths.
• Physical release: Stretch, walk, or shake out tension to reset your stress response.
• Mindfulness techniques: Use meditation apps like Headspace or Calm to restore emotional balance.

4. Call Out the Behavior, Not Attack the Person

There is a difference between pointing out problematic behavior and attacking someone personally. For example:

• ❌ “You’re a rude person!” ✔ “I’d appreciate if we could discuss this calmly.”
• ❌ “You’re always making me feel worthless!” ✔ “When you speak to me like that, I feel disrespected.”

This shifts the focus from blame to resolution and reduces the chance of further conflict.

How to Heal Yourself and Rebuild Self-Worth

1. Recognize That Mistreatment is Not a Reflection of Your Worth

People’s behavior towards you says more about them than about you. If you’ve been treated unfairly, remind yourself:

• “I am not responsible for their anger.”
• “Their frustration is about them, not me.”
• “My value is not determined by how others treat me.”

2. Release Stress from the Body

Verbal abuse and mistreatment cause the body to hold onto stress. Try:

• Deep breathing exercises: Inhale for four counts, hold for four, exhale for eight.
• Movement: Shake out your body, go for a walk, stretch, or do yoga.
• Journaling: Write out your frustrations to release them mentally.

3. Set Boundaries and Protect Your Energy

• If possible, limit interactions with people who belittle or disrespect you.
• If you must interact with them, keep responses neutral and short.
• Visualize a barrier protecting you from their negativity.

4. Reframe Negative Thoughts

When you hear a voice in your head saying you’re not good enough, challenge it:

• Thought: “I always mess up.” → Reframe: “I learn from mistakes and improve.”
• Thought: “No one respects me.” → Reframe: “I respect myself, and that matters.”
• Thought: “I am powerless.” → Reframe: “I have control over my actions and choices.”

5. Surround Yourself with Supportive People

If you feel isolated, connect with those who uplift you:

• Talk to a trusted friend or mentor.
• Join support groups (in person or online).
• Seek professional help if needed—therapy and counseling can be life-changing.

6. Engage in Activities That Reaffirm Your Worth

Do things that remind you of your strength and competence:

• Engage in hobbies or skills that make you feel accomplished.
• Volunteer to help others and feel a sense of purpose.
• Practice daily affirmations to reinforce self-worth.

7. Give Yourself Permission to Rest and Recover

Emotional exhaustion is real. It’s okay to take a break:

• Take time to disconnect from toxic environments when possible.
• Practice self-compassion—talk to yourself like you would a good friend.
• Remember, healing takes time, and progress is not linear.

Starting Today: Three Immediate Steps

While healing is a journey, positive change can begin right now. Here are three small but powerful actions you can take today:

1. Five-Minute Boundary Practice: The next time someone speaks to you disrespectfully, pause before responding. Take a deep breath and remind yourself: “Their behavior reflects their issues, not my worth.” Then respond calmly with “I understand you’re frustrated, but I need us to communicate respectfully.”
2. Evening Reflection Ritual: Before sleep tonight, write down three moments when you honored your own dignity today—whether by speaking up, setting a boundary, or simply acknowledging your feelings. This builds awareness of your own strength.
3. Connect With One Support Resource: Choose just one resource from the lists above and make initial contact. Send an email, make a call, or bookmark a website. Taking this small step breaks the isolation that often accompanies workplace mistreatment.

Remember, reclaiming your dignity happens one moment at a time. Each small act of self-respect creates momentum for bigger changes tomorrow.

A Reminder to Be Kind: We’re All Fighting Hidden Battles

While this article focuses on protecting yourself from mistreatment, it’s equally important to remember that we all have the power to affect others. Everyone you encounter is fighting battles you know nothing about. The person who seems difficult may be caring for a sick parent, grieving a loss, or dealing with their own trauma.

When we’re stressed or frustrated, it’s easy to lash out at those we perceive as less powerful—retail workers, service staff, or subordinates. But a moment of impatience from you could be the final straw for someone already carrying a heavy emotional burden.

Small acts of kindness and patience can make an immense difference. Before expressing frustration, take a breath and ask yourself: “Is this truly important enough to potentially damage another person’s sense of worth?” Extending grace to others not only helps them but creates a more compassionate world for all of us.

Remember: The way we treat others reveals our character far more than it reflects their worth.

Final Thoughts: You Are Not Insignificant

You matter because you exist—regardless of race, nationality, or job title. When you feel powerless, remember who or what you’re working towards—whether it’s providing for family, building your future, or proving to yourself that you are strong.

Daily Affirmations to Rebuild Self-Worth:

• “I am not responsible for other people’s anger.”
• “I deserve respect, even if others don’t give it.”
• “My value is not determined by how others treat me.”
• “My cultural background and identity are sources of strength.”
• “My work has dignity regardless of its status in society.”
• “I have the right to set boundaries around how I’m treated.”

Your dignity is worth protecting. Stand firm, stay calm, and refuse to let mistreatment define you. 💙

A Note on Workplace Culture Change

Individual healing is essential, but systemic change matters too. If you’re in a position of leadership or influence:

• Model respectful communication, especially during stressful situations
• Create clear policies against workplace bullying and dehumanizing behaviors
• Establish anonymous reporting systems for mistreatment
• Recognize that power differences affect how safe people feel speaking up
• Address microaggressions as seriously as more obvious forms of disrespect
• Remember that cultural differences may affect how people experience and express disrespect

Small changes in how we treat each other can transform workplace culture over time. The most successful organizations recognize that dignity and psychological safety are foundations for productivity and innovation.

Resources for Healing & Support in Singapore

• Resources for Healing & Support in Singapore

Workers’ Rights & Legal Support

• Ministry of Manpower (MOM): Call 6438 5122 for employment disputes
• Tripartite Alliance for Dispute Management (TADM): Provides mediation services for employment disputes
• Union of Security Employees (USE): Supports security guards facing unfair treatment
• National Trades Union Congress (NTUC): Provides legal counseling and representation for union members

Migrant Worker Support Organizations

• HOME (Humanitarian Organization for Migration Economics): Provides shelter, case management and legal assistance for migrant workers
• TWC2 (Transient Workers Count Too): Advocates for fair treatment of foreign workers and offers direct services
• IFN (Itsraaj Foundation Network): Provides support services and advocacy for South Asian migrant workers
• Migrant Workers’ Centre (MWC): Offers assistance with employment issues, medical care, and emergency support
• Project X: Supports migrant sex workers with health services and legal aid
• HealthServe: Provides affordable healthcare, counseling, and social assistance to migrant workers
• Alliance of Guest Workers Outreach: Offers emotional support and practical help for migrant workers
• COVID Migrant Support Coalition: Network of organizations helping migrant workers during crises

Mental & Emotional Healing

• Mental health hotlines in Singapore:
• SOS (24-hour emotional support): 1767
• IMH Mental Health Helpline: 6389 2222
• National CARE Hotline: 1800-202-6868
• Silver Ribbon Singapore: Mental health education, support, and services
• Fei Yue Community Services: Counseling and mental wellness programs
• AWARE Singapore: Support for women experiencing workplace harassment
• Free grounding exercises for nervous system reset: Progressive muscle relaxation, deep breathing, meditation apps (Headspace, Calm)
• Community Health Assessment Team (CHAT): Mental health support for young adults

Self-Healing & Personal Growth Resources

• Books:
  • The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk (on trauma recovery)
  • Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach (on self-compassion)
  • Daring Greatly by Brené Brown (on vulnerability and resilience)
• YouTube Channels:
  • Dr. Ramani (on narcissistic abuse and self-worth)
  • The Holistic Psychologist (on self-healing and trauma recovery)
  • Eckhart Tolle (on mindfulness and detachment from negativity)
• Free Apps for Healing:
  • Insight Timer (guided meditations and self-care)
  • Sanvello (for stress and anxiety management)
  • Woebot (an AI-based mental health coach)

If you found this article helpful, please consider sharing it with someone who might benefit. The cycle of workplace mistreatment often continues because people feel isolated in their experiences. By sharing resources like this, you help create solidarity and awareness that can lead to healthier work environments for everyone.

References

1. Davidson, R. J. (2002). Anxiety and affective style: Role of prefrontal cortex and amygdala. Biological Psychiatry, 51(1), 68-80.
2. Haslam, N. (2006). Dehumanization: An integrative review. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 10(3), 252-264.
3. McEwen, B. S. (2012). The ever-changing brain: Stress and resilience. Neurobiology of Stress, 1(1), 1-11.
4. Schaufeli, W. B., Leiter, M. P., & Maslach, C. (2009). Burnout: 35 years of research and practice. Career Development International, 14(3), 204-220.
5. Seligman, M. E. P. (1975). Helplessness: On depression, development, and death. Freeman & Co.
6. van der Kolk, B. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Viking.

About Dr. Martha Tara Lee