Date/Time
Date(s) - 11/01/2026
2:00 pm - 3:30 pm

Categories

• talks

Sexual violence doesn’t only affect the body.

It can quietly change how safe you feel inside yourself, how your nervous system responds, and how intimacy, touch, and closeness are experienced — sometimes years later, even when life looks “fine” on the outside.

Softening is a 90-minute informational talk designed to help you understand what’s happening beneath the surface — without pressure to share, process, or perform healing.

This is not therapy.
It is not a healing session.
It is education — offered carefully, clearly, and respectfully.

For some people, understanding alone can already shift how they relate to themselves.

Who this talk is for

This talk may be helpful if you:

• Have experienced sexual violence, coercion, or violation (at any age or stage of life)
• Feel disconnected, numb, guarded, or anxious around intimacy
• Notice avoidance, shutdown, hypervigilance, or confusion about desire
• Want understanding without being asked to disclose personal experiences
• Are reflective, curious, and reasonably stable right now

This talk may not be suitable if you are in acute crisis or require immediate support.

Content note: This talk discusses sexual assault in a non-graphic, trauma-aware way. Please take care of yourself — you’re welcome to step away, turn off video, or leave at any time.

What we’ll cover

This session focuses on understanding — not fixing.

Topics include:

• How trauma can get “stuck”
What trauma is (and isn’t)
Why impact is about nervous system response, not severity
PTSD, flashbacks, body memory, and delayed reactions

• Why intimacy often feels different
Safety vs threat responses
Why numbness, avoidance, or ambivalence are common
Desire as safety-dependent, not willpower-based

• The nervous system, simply explained
Fight, flight, freeze, shutdown
Why “trying harder” usually backfires
What actually supports regulation over time

• What helps outside of therapy
Grounding and orienting
Journaling and meaning-making
Movement and exercise
Routine, sleep, and environmental safety
Choice, pacing, and boundaries

• What healing can look like — and where to find it
Trauma-informed therapy options
EMDR and other evidence-based approaches
What I do and do not teach
How to seek support without rushing yourself

This talk avoids graphic detail and does not include body-based exercises.

Boundaries & Safety

To protect emotional safety:

• This is an educational talk, not a processing space
• Participants remain muted
• No personal sharing or disclosures
• No live chat, private messaging, or live Q&A during the session
• General, informational questions may be submitted before or after the talk
• Cameras may be on or off
• No screenshots or recording by participants

To protect safety and professional boundaries, I’m not able to respond to personal trauma disclosures or provide individual support by email. If you’re seeking personalised care, please book a session or contact a crisis or support service.

You are free to step away at any point.
Listening quietly is always allowed.

Structure

• Duration: 90 minutes
• Structure: ~75 minutes teaching,  ~15 minutes on next-step options and resources
• Interaction: None required
• Q&A:  No live Q&A. Questions may be submitted anonymously before or after via email here.

Registrants will receive 30-day access to the recording. The recording may also be made available for purchase afterward.

When & where

Date: Sunday, 11 January 2026
Time: 2:00 – 3:30 pm (Singapore time)
Location: Online (Live on Zoom)

This talk sits before upcoming support groups, for those who want information first.

Fee

S$38
Sliding scale available via email request.

After the talk

For some people, information is enough for now.
For others, it clarifies what kind of support might help next.

This talk is open to all genders. For women who wish to go deeper, you may choose to explore:

1. Phoenix Rising: A women-only divorce support group over 8 weekly sessions (Starts 12 April 2026)
2. Reclaiming Desire: A women-only support group for understanding desire shifts over 6 weekly sessions (Starts 20 February 2026)
3. Coming Home: A women-only support group focused on safety and self-trust after sexual assault over 8 weekly sessions (Starts 7 June 2026)

All groups are optional and application-based.

 Register Now

Email me your questions here!
Do check out our media policy.

Frequently Asked Questions

Q1. Is this therapy? No. This is an informational talk.

Q2. Will I need to speak or share anything? No. Participants are muted. There is no sharing, discussion, or participation required.

Q3. Can I keep my camera off? Yes. Camera on or off is entirely your choice.

Q4. Is there live chat or private messaging? No live chat or private messaging during the session but can submit queries pre and post session.

Q5. Will the session be recorded? Yes. Registrants receive 30-day access; recording may be sold later.

Q6. What if I feel overwhelmed during the session? You are free to step away at any point. You do not need to explain or notify anyone.

Q7. Is this suitable if my experience was a long time ago? Yes.

Q8. Is this women-only? No. It is open to all people.

Q9. Can I attend even if I’m unsure about joining a support group? Yes. Attendance does not commit you to anything further.

Q10. What if I’m not in a good place emotionally right now? This talk is not intended for crisis support. If you’re in immediate danger or need urgent help in Singapore, call 995 (ambulance) or 999 (police). If you can, reach out to someone safe in your life right now.

Q11. What is your refund policy? Because this is a live session and registrants receive 30-day recording access, all registrations are non-refundable. If you can’t attend live, you’ll still receive the recording access.

Led by Dr. Martha Tara Lee