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I was inspired to do something special for myself as the year was winding down. I had previously gone on a self-declared prolonged sex date in May 2016, and did another one at the end of Dec 2017.
Why not go on a prolonged sex date again?
Where – Housesit place. I had the space to myself and I could certainly create the time for this ritual.
When – I looked through my calendar and Mon 27 December 2021 was the only day I had to myself completely – and so I planned for it. I didn’t want to spend a lot of time or do too much planning towards it like the time I did it in 2016, but I still want to make it special for myself.
What – Whether you call it a prolonged sex date or self pleasure ceremony or ritual, the essence of it is to use sexual energy for the purpose of shifting/ moving energy through the body for self-healing.
Why – The premise of it is that our body stores trauma (consciously or unconsciously). Our orgasmic energy (sex energy not to be confused with the need for orgasm) actually can calm down our nerve system, shift these energetic blocks in our body (which in turn can invoke past memories/ flashbacks), and heal our body (think of reset/ reboot to our original perfect state).
How – Regardless of how much inner work I’ve done, there is always more layers to heal and I do believe that healing can be gentle. The ritual/ prolonged sex date is about generating self pleasure and allowing for these waves of sensation to go through the body for as long as one desires.
Myth Debunked – I just want to address here also that a lot of sex or going on a prolonged sex date with yourself does not turn you into a sex addict. There is no need to impose a cap or limit to pleasure – if anything, most of us are not giving ourselves permission to let pleasure in. You can read more about what I have to say about sex addiction which I have on numerous occasions here.
Preparation – As I prepared for the prolonged sex date, sustenance was top of mind as I didn’t want to leave the house that day so I prepared some food and drinks that would last me through the day.
In addition, I had decided to try something different and playing this music track on loop Ho’oponopono to support me in my intention to release whatever needed letting go of. Watch this to learn more about Ho’oponopono. For days before the self pleasure date, I found myself listening to different Ho’oponopono tracks on YouTube and realised I wanted to play this. Even then I wondered if I could really listen to it for hours on end (I wasn’t bored or sick of it btw) and the music really supported the session.
Nuts and Bolts
Now it has been some time since December as I type this, so this is really just a summary based on my recollection.
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Element of Fire (Heat) – I read about the benefits of drinking ginger tea and have been drinking ginger tea regularly as I do have a slow metabolic rate as well as digestive challenges. I decided to start my day by drinking a pot of this to help to awaken my body.
Element of Water – I went to the jacuzzi downstairs and used the jets of water on each chakra – starting to prepare myself mentally for the ritual. I went to each of the corners of the house and cleansed it, as well as set the intention to fill the space with protection including love and light.
Element of Air – I wanted to and I did sit on the swinging basket and meditate there for a bit.
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| Element of Earth – Besides starting the ritual with my own home-cooked food, I took a handful of almond nuts at a time – during breakfast and the interval. I had one interval for about half hour in the eight hours I did it – with the actual self-pleasuring with vibrators being five hours. I wasn’t trying to beat any world-record, nor my own record – it is all irrelevant. It was more about doing what feels right for me and my body. |
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| I snacked on these prunes for energy before the ritual and during the break I did. |
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| I drank water but mostly coconut water to support the cleansing of my body. |
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| I connected my phone with this bluetooth speaker and this played the one track Ho’oponopono I selected for the actual five hours I did my self pleasuring exercise. It really added to the experience because if I had just played it on my phone, it wouldn’t have that surround feeling.
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| I used this vibrator called Twirling Fun (by Satisfyer) at the start of the self-pleasuring exercise. I wanted to go slow and be gentle with my body so I used it first. |
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| This was followed by my pink Bullet vibrator (available at Horny.sg). The size of a finger, it is not painful whether for external or internal stimulation. Since I was focused on the vibrations to massage and move energy through my body – I really wasn’t focused on the size or strength of the vibrator. |
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| I had these batteries on stand-by and ended up not using them. |
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| I got this external body massager Domi 2 by Lovense because it is the strongest vibrator that www.Horny.sg carries. You can charge it via plug-in (more convenient than using batteries). Thought it is also a bluetooth/ internet compatible toy, I have never used it remotely but only manually.
As mentioned, it is not meant for internal stimulation. I used it over my clitoris and over my whole body repeatedly (including my back) through the 5-hours I did this ritual. I focused on all my chakras – from base of spine, anus, entrance of vagina, clit, lower and upper stomach, heart, throat, third-eye, and head). I was just moving energy up and down my body, and had my eyes closed throughout – focusing on letting whatever thoughts that wanted to come up to surface. As these thoughts and emotions surfaced, I simply let them go.
I stuck to this vibrator for most of the entire duration of this self-pleasure session – it wasn’t about performance or strength, but less is more. I was more focused on what the vibrations brought up and what needed releasing.
To be honest, I actually have TWO of this type of vibrator. Reason: I had originally gotten one for myself (having had my WeVibe Magic Wand taken off me), and when I realised how strong it was – I actually got another for my family (namely sister-in-law who was working as a food stall operator and on her feet a lot). In the end, she didn’t want to use it and so I have two of the same vibrator. Because I had two of them, I also used one on the front of my body and the other on the back (lying on top of it) intermittently. |
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I also used this vibrator Sila by Lelo over my clitoris. This was a gift from a friend (yes, really just a friend). The brand Lelo is not cheap so I would never even consider buying it for myself, but when I first used it – I realised why it justified the amount. It felt so luxurious and the vibrations were so subtle, refined, and delicious that I just loved it! I used this over my clitoris on and off – as of course, it can feel intense after some time.
I had waves of orgasm and pleasure using the combination of toys – Twirling Fun, Horny bullet, Domi 2 and Sila.
And through the whole session, I really was just following what came up and what needed releasing/ letting go – any regret, anger, jealousy, sadness, memories… I breathe and let go.
After about two hours in, I had a bio (pee) break and had something to snack on. I returned to my ritual and went so deep into it that I didn’t realise another three hours went by until I felt it was time to end the ritual. I was surprised time went by so quickly and felt complete, and content.
I was proud of myself for how gentle I was with myself, for confronting whatever came up and needed releasing from my past and felt ready for 2022.
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About Dr. Martha Tara Lee
She also holds certificates in counselling, coaching and sex therapy, and her fourth degree – a Masters in Counselling in May 2018. In practice since 2009, she is the only certified sexuality educator and certified sexuality educator supervisor by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) in Singapore.
Often cited in the media, Dr. Lee is the appointed Clinical Sexologist for Singapore Cancer Society. She was recognised as one of ‘Top 50 Inspiring Women Under 40′ by Her World in July 2010, and one of ‘Top 100 Inspiring Women’ by CozyCot in March 2011. She has published four books: Love, Sex and Everything In-Between, Orgasmic Yoga, From Princess to Queen and {Un}Inhibited.
Martha works with individuals and couples in private coaching sessions, and conducts her own workshops. She takes prides in making sure all her workshops are also fun, educational, and sex-positive. This comes easily to her because even though she is extremely dedicated and serious about her work, she fundamentally believes that sex is meant to be fun, wonderful, amazing and sacred. As such, this serious light-heartedness has shone through again and again. For her full profile, click here. Email her here.
