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I wanted to but couldn’t speak up!
If variety is the spice of life, then we can expand our sexual skills progressively. We can grow ourselves sexually and develop more confidence if we just try.
By difficulty
- Incorporate sounds e.g. “hmm” “ahh”, “ohh”.
- Incorporate one-word expressions e.g. “yes”, “more”, “good”.
- Incorporate terms of endearment e.g. “sweetie”, “sweetheart”, “honey”, and of course their name!
- Expand your vocabulary (more than one word) e.g. “keep going”, “so good/ nice/ amazing”, “don’t stop”.
- Sentences now “that feels yummy”, “you are so good at this”.
- Express desires “I want to touch/ kiss/ caress/ suck xyz… followed by xzy”.
Even if you still find it difficult to express yourself during sex, you can start by expressing yourself after sex “that was amazing when you did…”.
Sexual expression and confidence is multi dimensional and sounds play a big part. With practice comes progress. Keep going and be kind to yourself.
Do check out my numerous online courses as well as upcoming workshops! Learning more about sex and sexuality is an ongoing journey.
About Dr. Martha Tara Lee
Surrounded by friends who were sexually inhibited and struck by dire lack of positive conversations around sex and sexuality in Singapore, Dr. Martha Tara Lee set out to make a positive difference in embarking on her doctorate in human sexuality before launching Eros Coaching in 2009. Today, she remains dedicated to working with individuals and couples who wish to lead self-actualised and pleasure-filled lives.
She also holds certificates in counselling, coaching and sex therapy, and her fourth degree – a Masters in Counselling in May 2018. In practice since 2009, she is the only certified sexuality educator and certified sexuality educator supervisor by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) in Singapore.
Often cited in the media, Dr. Lee is the appointed Clinical Sexologist for Singapore Cancer Society. She was recognised as one of ‘Top 50 Inspiring Women Under 40′ by Her World in July 2010, and one of ‘Top 100 Inspiring Women’ by CozyCot in March 2011. She has published four books: Love, Sex and Everything In-Between, Orgasmic Yoga, From Princess to Queen and {Un}Inhibited.
Martha works with individuals and couples in private coaching sessions, and conducts her own workshops. She takes prides in making sure all her workshops are also fun, educational, and sex-positive. This comes easily to her because even though she is extremely dedicated and serious about her work, she fundamentally believes that sex is meant to be fun, wonderful, amazing and sacred. As such, this serious light-heartedness has shone through again and again. For her full profile, click here. Email her here.
