If we could sit down with our younger selves, we’d have so much to say—words of reassurance, wisdom, and the lessons we had to learn the hard way. We are four Asian women breaking the silence today. From Malaysia to Singapore, from China to the Philippines, our stories weave together experiences of shame, revelation, and ultimately, liberation.

Looking back, we see that sexuality is not just about avoiding risks—it’s about making choices that align with our desires, values, and well-being. It’s about unlearning shame, embracing pleasure, and stepping into relationships with both heart and head. If there’s one thing we would tell our younger selves, it’s this: You are allowed to take up space. You are allowed to want more. And you deserve a love that celebrates—not limits—you. There is no single path to fulfillment, but when you trust yourself, seek knowledge, and own your worth, you create the freedom to live—and love—on your own terms.

Dr Martha Tara Lee’s Story – No Limits: Choosing Love & Success on Your Terms

Growing up, my mom told me, “You’re too smart, too loud—nobody will want you.” For years, I believed success and love were at odds, that I had to shrink to be accepted. But looking back, I wish I had strong female role models who showed me that confidence, ambition, and financial independence don’t push love away—they attract the right kind of love, respect, and freedom.

If I could go back, I’d tell my younger self: Don’t just settle for who likes you—learn to choose wisely. Love isn’t just about passion or chemistry—it’s about alignment. Choose with both your heart and your head. Know the difference between a romantic partner and a life partner, between fleeting attraction and deep compatibility. Learn how to date with intention, how to ask for what you need, and how to build relationships that expand you rather than limit you.

I also wish I had been taught the power of money—not just to survive, but to thrive. Financial independence isn’t just about security; it’s about freedom. More respect, more choices, more ability to walk away from what doesn’t serve you. I wish I had sought more guidance, asked more questions, and built a village of mentors to help me navigate love, success, and life on my own terms.

They say, Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars. I’ve learned that when I embrace my full potential, I don’t just attract better partners—I create a bigger, bolder life. There is no cap. Only expansion.

Clementine Liu’s Story – Balancing Societal Pressures and Personal Desires

Society often expects that by a certain age we should naturally understand intimacy. In reality, true understanding is cultivated through our personal experiences, trusted advice, and sometimes even our mistakes.

I grew up in an era when sex education was absent in schools until I turned 18. When I entered university, it was assumed that by that time we would naturally grasp what sex, love, and pleasure meant—as if the knowledge would suddenly manifest in our minds like magic.

Sadly, no such magic exists. We had to learn from a patchwork of resources—books, magazines, and videos—none of which came from truly validated sources.

If I could travel back in time, I would tell my younger self—as I often advise my young clients—that it’s essential to seek out reliable, trustworthy information. Your curiosity deserves to be nurtured with informed, safe guidance.

I would also tell my younger self, “Please don’t laugh at that boy in primary school. He merely mentioned that he saw his parents kissing. Remember, it’s perfectly normal for couples to show affection—a kiss is a beautiful gesture between loved ones.”

I would explain that the guy you met in secondary 2 outside school, who behaved as an exhibitionist, might naturally trigger feelings of fear, confusion, or shock. Recognize that such behavior likely stems from his own issues, and it’s not your responsibility to feel ashamed or to blame yourself.

I would tell my younger self that feeling a flutter in your heart when you see or think about someone special isn’t a sign of a problem. Whether that person is tall or short, of the same gender or a different one, every heartbeat is a genuine expression of your capacity to love. Embrace these moments as affirmations of your true self, allowing them to guide you without fear or judgment.

I would also remind my younger self that having sexual dreams about people—or even a stranger—especially before your first period, is nothing to be ashamed of. Don’t blame yourself or label yourself as a “bad girl.” In fact, research published by Barbara L. Wells in the 1986 Journal of Sex Research indicates that as many as 85% of women have experienced nocturnal orgasm by the age of 21.

Eve Lim Wei Jia’s Story – Redefining Love, Pleasure & Self-Worth

Looking back, I wish I could tell my younger self that love, sex, and pleasure are not meant to be weighed down by rigid rules or external expectations. Growing up, I believed that love had to be serious, that relationships required deep emotional commitment to be meaningful, and that intimacy should be reserved for the “right” person.

But with time, I also realized that caution could become a cage. I wish I had known earlier that sexual desire is not something to be feared or overly moralized, and that pleasure is not something one has to “earn” through love. I used to think that being a “good girl” meant withholding, but I now see that true self-respect comes from making choices that align with my desires, not just the values I inherited.

Most importantly, I would tell my younger self that my body is not a gift to be given to the “right” person, nor should it ever be used as a form of exchange; whether for love, commitment, or validation. Our bodies are our own, not something to be measured in worth by how or when we choose to share them. Sex is not a transaction; it is an experience of connection, self-expression, and sometimes, simply joy.

Society often dictates what’s “acceptable” when it comes to sex and relationships but our life doesn’t have to follow those scripts. I think it would be helpful to explore what love, intimacy, and pleasure mean to us personally whereby our values can evolve over time, and that’s okay. Balancing societal expectations with personal desires is a lifelong process, but the most important lesson I’ve learned is this: our bodies and our pleasure belong to us alone. No one else gets to define what feels right.

Brightly Abby’s Story – Owning Your Sexuality: No Apologies, No Shame

If I could sit my younger self down over a cup of coffee (or maybe a margarita, let’s be real), I’d have a lot to say. I’d tell her to unlearn the shame, to stop measuring love by how much she’s willing to endure, and to embrace pleasure like it’s her birthright—because it is.

When we’re young, we’re fed this idea that love is something we have to earn—that if we’re pretty enough, agreeable enough, or good enough in bed, we’ll be chosen. But real love? It’s not transactional. It’s not about who bends over backwards the most. It’s about connection, joy, and someone seeing you as your whole, messy, glorious self—and loving you for it.

You don’t “earn” love by shrinking yourself into the “perfect” girlfriend. And you definitely don’t have to contort into human origami just because Cosmo once said “5 NEW SEX MOVES THAT WILL BLOW HIS MIND” (honestly, the only thing getting blown is my back).

Love should feel safe, fun, and a little stupid. And sex? Well, if you’re too busy worrying about how you look, you’re probably missing the best part. Stop “performing” and start enjoying, sis.

Aging teaches you that societal expectations are just loud opinions—not unbreakable rules. Women, in particular, are told that their desirability has an expiration date, that marriage should be a milestone, and that certain pleasures should stay behind closed doors. Lies. All of it.

The real flex? Unlearning all that nonsense and deciding for yourself. If you want commitment, get it. If you want casual, own it. If you want to explore kink at 60, baby, you are right on time. Desire doesn’t disappear with age—it just gets smarter.

Oh, if I could talk to my younger self, I’d tell her: stop dimming your light to make others comfortable. If I could hop in a time machine, I’d grab my younger self, shake her, and yell: “STOP STRESSING ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE THINK AND JUST HAVE FUN.” Your body, your pleasure, your boundaries—they are yours to claim, not to apologize for.

Pleasure is not “too much.” Confidence is not arrogance. Saying “I want this” is not selfish. The most attractive thing in any room is someone who knows what they want and isn’t afraid to ask for it—whether that’s in the bedroom or in life.

Love yourself first, and the rest will follow. Don’t let society rush you into timelines that don’t fit. And never—NEVER—let shame be louder than your pleasure. Pleasure has no deadline, confidence is sexy at any age, and the best thing you can do is own it all. We were made to experience every delicious, beautiful, sensual moment life has to offer.

In Conclusion
If we could sit down with our younger selves, we’d have so much to say—words of reassurance, wisdom, and the lessons we had to learn the hard way. Looking back, we see that sexuality isn’t just about avoiding risks. It’s about making choices that honor our desires, values, and well-being. It’s about unlearning shame, embracing pleasure, and stepping into relationships with both heart and head.

If there’s one thing we would tell our younger selves, it’s this: You are allowed to take up space. You are allowed to want more. And you deserve a love that celebrates—not limits—you. There is no single path to fulfillment, but when you trust yourself, seek knowledge, and own your worth, you create the freedom to live—and love—on your own terms.

Connect with us here:

🔹 Dr. Martha Tara Lee – www.ErosCoaching.com/profile
🔹 Eve Lim Wei Jia – https://americanboardofsexology.org/sexologist/eve-wei-jia-lim/
🔹 Brightly Abby – @brightly.abby
🔹 Ms. Clementine Liu – https://aspacebetween.com.sg/therapists/clementine-liu

✨ Your journey to healing, self-discovery, and empowerment is valid. You deserve support, understanding, and the freedom to explore your sexuality without shame.