Somewhere between busy schedules, emotional labor, and the pressure to “get it right,” many of us quietly lose the spark in our intimate lives. When sex starts to feel routine, heavy, or even transactional, we often forget one simple truth: it’s okay to have fun. In fact, it’s essential.

We asked four Asian women—Brightly Abby (Philippines), Dr. Martha Tara Lee (Singapore), Eve Lim Wei Jia (Malaysia), and Clementine Liu (China)—what reclaiming fun in the bedroom means to them. Their stories are refreshingly real. They remind us that intimacy can be light, playful, silly, and healing—all at once.

Brightly Abby – The Woman Who Thinks Sex Should Be Silly AND Sexy

Why is it important to infuse playfulness into our intimate lives?

Because intimacy should never feel like a chore! When we bring joy and play into our sexual experiences, it keeps things fresh, exciting, and, most importantly, connected. Playfulness removes pressure—when we allow ourselves to be silly, we get out of our heads and into our bodies. I always say pleasure is about presence. If we’re stuck worrying about performance or expectations, we miss the magic of the moment. Plus, when we laugh, our bodies relax, making everything feel more natural and pleasurable.

How can humor help break down barriers in sexual relationships?

Laughter is basically the universal safe word! Let’s face it—things will go wrong in bed. Someone’s going to make a mystery noise that’s going to interrupt the mood (was that the bed or my body?), or that “hot” new position will have us looking like a failed gymnastics routine. Instead of dying of embarrassment, humor lets us roll with it—sometimes literally. A good giggle turns awkward into awesome and makes sure we’re having fun no matter what goes down—or who does.

What are some creative ways to add fun and spontaneity to intimacy?

• Roleplay, but make it ridiculous – Forget the sexy nurse—why not try “CEO who has no idea how to open a PDF” or “detective trying to solve the mystery of your missing pants”?
• The ‘No Hands’ Challenge – You can touch anywhere, but no hands allowed. Elbows, knees, noses—get creative!
• Seduction… in Slow-Mo – Everything has to be done at half speed. Taking off a sock? Do it like it’s the most dramatic scene in a romance movie.
• Bedroom Olympics – Rate each other’s moves with scorecards. (10/10 for effort, 3/10 for balance, A+ for enthusiasm.)
• Sexy Hide & Seek – One partner hides (wearing as little as possible), the other finds them… with rewards.

Sexy and silly go hand in hand—or, you know, wherever hands may be at the moment.

Eve Lim Wei Jia – The Woman Who Found Freedom in Letting Go of Perfection

Let Intimacy Be Light

Intimacy doesn’t always have to be so weighty. In fact, some of the best sexual experiences happen when there’s room for laughter, curiosity, and spontaneity. Reclaiming fun and playfulness in the bedroom can help break free from old pressures and make intimacy feel more natural and lighthearted.

Embrace Imperfection

Many may think that sex needs to be perfect like a scene from a movie, where everything is smooth and effortless. But in reality, intimacy may be full of awkward moments like bodies making unexpected sounds, limbs getting tangled, or someone randomly catching a burp at the worst time. Instead of feeling embarrassed, embracing these moments with humor can make things feel more relaxed, breaking down insecurities and making intimacy feel more like connection rather than performance.

Try Something New

If intimacy is starting to feel routine, injecting a little creativity can bring back excitement. You can try something new together (new position, a fun toy, or exploring fantasies etc). Even if something doesn’t go as planned, the process of trying something new can be just as fun as the outcome. Furthermore, some flirty banter, teasing, or even dirty inside jokes around intimacy can make everything feel more relaxed. It helps to keep the spark alive without making sex feel like a task. Engaging the body senses with unexpected fantasy elements or role play can also heighten anticipation and make the experience more immersive.

Let Go of “Perfect”

Most importantly, let go of the “perfect sex” expectation. Intimacy doesn’t always have to be deep and intense. It can be light, playful, and even funny at times. When there is room for fun, sexual experiences become more enjoyable, connected, and fulfilling.

Clementine Liu – The Woman Who Sees Play as a Human Need

Fun Is a Basic Human Need

As a practitioner and trainer of Choice Theory and Reality Therapy, I recognize that fun is one of the five fundamental human needs, alongside survival, love and belonging, power, and freedom. This intrinsic craving for enjoyment is not just about hobbies or leisure—it naturally extends to our sexual experiences. Yet, many people find themselves stuck in routines, turning intimacy into something predictable, even tedious. But it doesn’t have to be this way.

Use Your Senses

Sex is meant to be an exploratory, sensory experience. Our bodies are filled with sensory receptors, allowing each encounter to be unique and pleasurable. Instead of following the same script, we can introduce small but impactful elements of playfulness. For example, using a blindfold can heighten anticipation and focus our attention on body sensations. Partners can take turns using gentle touches, varying pressure, or different textures to explore each other’s bodies. This simple practice not only enhances pleasure but also fosters mindfulness and deeper connection in the moment.

Roleplay and Novelty

For those who enjoy a bit more creativity, incorporating role-play can add excitement and novelty. One classic example is the “stranger at a bar” scenario, where partners pretend to meet for the first time in a public setting. The playful tension, the flirtation, and the thrill of the unknown can reignite the spark and bring back the excitement of those early days. It’s a simple yet effective way to introduce novelty and keep intimacy fresh, all while staying in a safe and trusting space with your partner.

Play Is a Path to Vulnerability

Beyond just adding excitement, fun in the bedroom serves a deeper purpose—it helps us lower our shield of shyness and makes us more willing to take adventures. Many people hesitate to explore their desires due to fear, embarrassment, or societal conditioning, but humor and playfulness create a safe and judgment-free environment where partners can be vulnerable and experiment without pressure. When we laugh together, we dissolve anxieties and insecurities, allowing for a more relaxed, authentic connection.

Start with Consent and Communication

That said, introducing playfulness into intimacy should always be a mutual journey. If trying something new, start slowly and with consent. Open communication is key—check in with each other, discuss comfort levels, and create a space where both partners feel safe to explore and enjoy. The goal is not to push limits but to enhance intimacy in a way that feels right for both.

Be Present and Curious

To me, playfulness in intimacy isn’t about performing or getting it ‘right.’ It’s about letting go—embracing freedom, creativity, and connection, and most importantly, being fully present in the moment.

Dr. Martha Tara Lee – The Woman Who Reclaimed Play by Letting Go of Pressure

Why is it important to infuse playfulness into our intimate lives?

Our personal lives aren’t meant to feel like work. If anything, intimacy should be the one place where we’re free to just be. As children, we learn through play—it’s how we develop skills, build confidence, and relate to the world. That instinct to play doesn’t disappear when we grow up; it just gets buried under responsibilities, expectations, and sometimes shame. Reclaiming play as an adult means allowing ourselves to learn, explore, and grow without pressure. Especially in the bedroom, where so many of us carry unspoken fears or limiting beliefs, play gives us space to be curious again. It invites us to reconnect with our bodies, our partners, and our joy—not as performers, but as people.

How can humor help break down barriers in sexual relationships?

Sex can be awkward. We make strange noises, forget choreography, bump heads. That’s real life—and when we expect sex to look like a movie scene, we rob ourselves of the joy of just being human. Humor helps us lighten up. When we laugh, we relax. We stop performing. We come back into the moment. Healthy people laugh. Healthy people cry. Feeling is part of being human—and all of it is okay.

Laughter reminds us that it’s safe to be seen, even in imperfection. And when we can laugh at ourselves kindly—not with judgment, but with compassion—it shifts everything. It tells our partners: “It’s okay. We’re human. Let’s enjoy this together.” When you show your partner that it’s okay to laugh, they’re more likely to loosen up too. Humor isn’t just disarming—it’s bonding.

What are some creative ways to add fun and spontaneity to intimacy?

There’s no fixed script for fun in the bedroom—it’s whatever feels right for you. It could be role-play, dressing up, playing with sex toys, or just trying familiar things in unfamiliar ways. The goal isn’t to be outrageous—it’s to stay curious. When we fall into routine, it’s easy to get bored or disengaged. But when we’re willing to play, we create space to connect.

That said, real intimacy also involves boundaries, consent, and negotiation. What excites one person might unsettle another—and that’s okay. Talking about what feels good, what feels new, and what feels off-limits is part of building safety. Intimacy is ever-evolving. Our needs and desires change. Our capacity for pleasure deepens when we feel safe enough to explore without judgment.

And here’s something I always remind clients: pressure often comes from within. We’re the ones setting impossible standards. Sometimes, the bravest thing you can do is let go of the idea that sex has to look or feel a certain way. Trying new things doesn’t make you reckless—it makes you brave. It shows that you’re willing to grow. Life is, in many ways, like a game. And our relationships are where we rehearse, explore, and co-create experiences with trust. If we’re not learning, growing, or enjoying ourselves, what are we doing it for?

Don’t Let Fun Be the Missing Ingredient

Whether you’re partnered or solo, young or older, playfulness has a place in your intimate life. Reclaiming it doesn’t mean throwing away your values—it means expanding your definition of pleasure to include curiosity, laughter, creativity, and connection.

It’s not about doing more. It’s about being more present.

Follow and Work With Us

• Dr. Martha Tara Lee – www.ErosCoaching.com/profile
• Brightly Abby – @brightly.abby
• Eve Lim Wei Jia – American Board of Sexology
• Clementine Liu – UnderneathTheMoon.com

Wherever you are on your journey, you deserve support, pleasure, and the freedom to explore your sexuality without shame.