This article first appeared on PublicHouse.sg.
As the only certified sexologist and certified sexuality educator in Singapore, there is a wide array of sexuality questions I am asked. However, there are three questions that I continue to be asked, usually worded slightly differently, but the same ones again and again.
They involve a mysterious spot in a woman’s body, whether men have such a spot, and if women urinate during sex. Here are the answers:
1. Does the female G-spot exist?
The existence of the female G-spot (named after Ernst Gräfenberg) is a controversy that rages on to this day. In early January, scientists at King’s College, London, declared that the G-spot does not exist, so women need not feel inadequate. Three weeks later, a group of French gynaecologists launched a counter-attack on what they called a “totalitarian” approach to female sexuality.
The G-spot is also known as the Corpus spongiosum, urethral sponge, and female prostate. Most easily located when the women is sexually aroused, it can often be felt by pressing on the interior front wall of the vagina with a finger or sex toy, and may produce increased pleasurable sensations when stimulated. You need to move your finger in a “come here” motion. Try also thrusting or circular movements. Ask her what feels best. The G-Spot varies in size for different women. It can be about the size of a Singapore five-cent or twenty-cent coin. Rather than be caught up with whether she has a G-spot or not, it is important to remember that there is no single best way to have sex.
2. Do men have a G-spot?
The male G-spot is also known as his prostate gland. It is not in the anus but can be stimulated through the rectal wall, approximately two inches in and facing toward his belly, the prostate gland is a chestnut-sized gland just below the bladder and next to the rectum. After locating his prostate, you can stimulate it to see what he enjoys – whether it is continuous but consistent pressure, flicking it or using a sex toy that vibrates against it.
Some men experience intense orgasms when their prostate glands are stimulated. Others simply enjoy a great deal of pleasure while some men don’t enjoy the sensation at all. Be gentle, and as with anything take your cues from his reactions. He will let you know by his movements and body positioning what he wants.
3. Is there such a thing as the female ejaculation?
The female ejaculation is not a myth or circus trick. We have a bladder and paraurethral glands, both of which can and often do contain fluids. When we put pressure on those areas or the areas surrounding them, that fluid sometimes squirts out. This pressure can be due to how arousal expands things in and around our genitals, and due to actual pressure put by fingers, hands or anything else during sex.
Women who do ejaculate do so due to extensive and targeted G-spot stimulus, internal and external clitoral stimulus, or – and most commonly – a combination of the two. However, this fluid is not urine, even though it’s possible some elements of urine are in the mix, or that sometimes, women ejaculating are actually urinating. Having said that, not all women ejaculate, and even for those who do, most do not ejaculate all the time.
My primary concern is that we do not label people who cannot seem to find their G-spot, man or woman, as “dysfunctional”. Since there is no one single or best way to have sex, please do not ignore everything else, worry about whether one is normal and be fixated about a singular “spot”. However, if you like to learn about your body, try to locate your G-spot, or learn how to ejaculate as a woman, go ahead. What is most important is that you are having fun when doing so.
Dr Martha Lee is Founder and Clinical Sexologist of Eros Coaching in Singapore. She is a certified sexuality educator with AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists), as well as certified sexologist with ACS (American College of Sexologists). She holds a Doctorate in Human Sexuality from Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality as well as certificates in practical counselling, life coaching and sex therapy. She is available to provide sexuality and intimacy coaching for individuals and couples, conduct sexual education workshops and speak at public events in Asia. For more, visit www.eroscoaching.com.