Sexual violence doesn’t only affect the body.

It can quietly change how safe you feel inside yourself, how your nervous system responds, and how intimacy, touch, and closeness are experienced — sometimes years later, even when life looks “fine” on the outside.

This is not therapy.
It is not a healing session.
It is education — offered carefully, clearly, and respectfully.

For some people, understanding alone can already shift how they relate to themselves.

Who this talk is for

This talk may be helpful if you:

• Have experienced sexual violence, coercion, or violation (at any age or stage of life)
• Feel disconnected, numb, guarded, or anxious around intimacy
• Notice avoidance, shutdown, hypervigilance, or confusion about desire
• Want understanding without being asked to disclose personal experiences
• Are reflective, curious, and reasonably stable right now

This talk may not be suitable if you are in acute crisis or require immediate support.

Content note: This talk discusses sexual assault in a non-graphic, trauma-aware way. Please take care of yourself — you’re welcome to step away, turn off video, or leave at any time.

What we’ll cover

This session focuses on understanding — not fixing.

Topics include:

• How trauma can get “stuck”
What trauma is (and isn’t)
Why impact is about nervous system response, not severity
PTSD, flashbacks, body memory, and delayed reactions

• Why intimacy often feels different
Safety vs threat responses
Why numbness, avoidance, or ambivalence are common
Desire as safety-dependent, not willpower-based

• The nervous system, simply explained
Fight, flight, freeze, shutdown
Why “trying harder” usually backfires
What actually supports regulation over time

• What helps outside of therapy
Grounding and orienting
Journaling and meaning-making
Movement and exercise
Routine, sleep, and environmental safety
Choice, pacing, and boundaries

• What healing can look like — and where to find it
Trauma-informed therapy options
EMDR and other evidence-based approaches
What I do and do not teach
How to seek support without rushing yourself

This talk avoids graphic detail and does not include body-based exercises.

Duration: 23 mins

Handout: Yes

Free Softening: Rebuilding Intimacy After Sexual Violence

Led by Dr. Martha Tara Lee